It's Fate
by OCDJen
Summary: They were High school sweethearts, Jasper broke Edward's heart by leaving a Note, now ten years on Fate throws them back together again. Will they rekindle the love they once had or will they forever stay apart? Rated M, JXE, lemons in later chapters, R
1. Chapter 1

_**AN/ I have had this running around my head for a while now and had to get it out of there, I won't be updating this everyday like I do with my other story, I will however be updating once a week.**_

**_If any of you have read or reading Healing Heart and Lay Your Hands, you know I tend to write al heavy emotion, well this one is a little different, It's a lot lighter then the other two._**

**_I hope you enjoy it, Jen!_**

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_**EPOV**_

I leant over the side of the railings, looking down on to the club below me. It's a normal Friday night, everyone is out to either get laid, get high or get drunk. My eyes scanned the room below me, the same face's doing the same thing, week in week out; it never changes. I was out celebrating Mike's birthday, a friend who was a pain in the ass but a good fuck when the mood took me. A whole group of us were trying to enjoy the night; it made me smile that more than half of the people we were out with were straight, but had chosen to come to a gay nightclub. Alice had said that she liked to come here because gay men dressed well, and she liked a man that dressed well. I tried telling her that the men she was eyeing up had no intention of going near her, so she was, therefore, wasting her time, but it never seemed to go in.

I could hear Mike's drunken words being thrown across the floor towards me, something about him coming home with me. No, it wasn't happening this time. I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him, and I really couldn't be bothered with the whole 'can I stay?' talk, which normally ended up in me forcefully removing him from my flat.

Why were we friends again? Fuck knows, it just sort of happened and we became, or should I say he became a friend with benefits, it only worked one way.

"Mike, there's some queen down there who is begging to be fucked by you." I smirked facing him, watching as he was off his ass and by my side within seconds. Mike could be distracted with ease, then again Mike was easy.

"Who? Him there?" He said pointing away from the guy I was talking about. I followed Mike's gaze, and time stood, fucking still.

My eyes caught sight of his hair and my heart stopped. I would know that hair anywhere, as it could only belong to one person. Jasper. What the fuck was he doing here? All this time and he turns up here now! My night just took a turn for the worse. He turned his head around, almost as if he could feel my gaze on him. He half smiled at me, his eyes showing slight confusion, as if he wasn't sure if it was me or not. _Yes, you fucker, it's me._ I downed my drink and left the top area walking down the stairs towards where he stood as a half smile fell upon his face. That beautiful face that I once fucking worshipped. _Yeah, you cunt ass, I'll wipe that fucking smile right off your face if you're not careful._

As I walked past him my expression didn't change. My dead eyes were staring at him as I casually brushed past him and walked out the door, but, much to my dismay, I could hear him running behind me. _Oh you have to be fucking joking, run back in to the fucking sharks, I'm sure you'll have fun with them._

"Edward, wait." His voice cried out in to the night. What? Did he really expect me to wait? Did he think I had just forgotten? _Fuck no, I'm not waiting!_ It may have been ten years ago, but it was still fresh in my fucking mind. After all you never forget your first love, do you?

"Edward, come on, at least let me explain." I heard as I continued towards my car pulling my keys out of my pocket, and hitting the unlock button. Fucking explain? He wanted to explain now, ten fucking years later? _I think fucking not, sunshine._ I got in my car and floored it out of there passing a distressed looking Jasper as I went.

Once I was a safe distance away I slammed my hand on the wheel. I never thought I would see his face again, never thought that fucking voice would hit my ears again, yet, here it was and there it was; right there in the middle of my life, my fucking happy successful life, messing everything up all over again. No, that door is locked, I've moved on to new brighter pastures, or so I had thought. My car came to a screaming halt outside the building where I lived. Heading towards my flat my heart raced. I wasn't going to think of him, I couldn't think of him, not now, not fucking ever.

Entering my flat my babies ran to me; two fully grown, all black, Staffordshire Bull's. I bent down and fussed with them all the while being assaulted by licks and kisses. I handed them both a crew and watched as they started to play over them. They always wanted what the other one had even when they were exactly the fucking same.

My head was starting to hurt as I wandered in to the kitchen pulling out a glass of water and two pain killers. The tension in my head was making my eyes hurt. I rubbed my temples as my over-active brain went in to overdrive. My mind raced as I made my way in to my bedroom. I needed to sleep, my headache wouldn't go away unless I did, but I knew it was futile because my night's sleep would be full of only one thing.

_Blue eyes and curly blonde hair. _

Not surprisingly, I was restless all night and finally managed to get in some sleep just before my alarm went off. I wanted to cry, I didn't like mishaps in my life, I didn't like my sleep being fucked up, and I certainly didn't like old flames walking in to my life fucking ten years later. Reluctantly, I groaned and got up. _You have work to get to!_ Okay, technically, I didn't have to be on time as I owned the fucking business, but I didn't like leaving my staff like that. Set by example, is what I went by.

I showered and changed pulling on a white button-down shirt and rolling the sleeves to my elbows, leaving the last few buttons undone just to show off a bit of my nicely tanned, muscular chest. Well, it wasn't really tanned as such, not by some standards, but when you're paler then pale, anything that takes that ultra whiteness off is a blessing.

I pulled on a pair of light blue jeans that just barely hung off my hips and were ripped at the knees. I have to admit I looked fuck-able in these jeans. I loved these jeans, they were so comfy to work in and I always received nice tips off my costumers, even the ones that weren't 'gay'. I ran some product in my hair and headed out the door to work.

My Barber Shop was the busiest in town. I know that a gay man cutting hair couldn't be anymore cliché, but it wasn't being gay that brought me in to the business; I had always had a thing for hair. It was always the first thing I noticed when looking at a guy and figured it was a good business to get in to since it was something for which I had a passion. After I finished high school I travelled the world, taking a number of courses to learn the finer art of my trade. I returned back home five years after I left with a handful of degrees in the art of hair design and a ton of tips and tricks. I had used my inheritance from my grandparents to open up my shop, and now five years later I employed six barbers not including me. My shop also had extra perks including a tanning booth, and a tattoo artist who could pierce anything, and if you wanted to you could have anything waxed. My little business was booming.

As I pulled in to the car park at work I noticed it was a little slow for a Saturday morning, but then again, it was early. I had three girls and two guys cutting hair. Shockingly enough, the guys weren't gay. Paul and Sam had started working here not long after I opened, they met at college while training to do this and openly admitted that they went in to the business because they thought they would get laid more. It hadn't work out that well for them, but they soon found out that was easy money to make and it was a laugh. They both were good barbers and Sam could put some of the weirdest patterns in a kid's hair, needless to say he always had a queue of kids wanting something shaved in to their hair.

Rosalie, one of the girls, was married to my brother Emmett and I had trained her up. When she met my brother she didn't know what she wanted to do, so my wonderful brother put her my way. She gave the guys something to look at as her beauty was out of this world and I often wondered what she saw in my brother. But, don't ever be fooled by her looks. One of the costumers took her nice banter as a come on and decided to lay his hands on her ass as she moved around the chair, a move that ended with him sporting a broken nose. That was the trouble with the job, we worked with the public and therefore had to be nice and chatty. Some people took it the wrong way.

Leah joined next bringing her little brother Seth on Saturdays to help out; he was good at sweeping the floor, making coffee, and getting dinner. Leah was currently dating Sam, something about which I wasn't too pleased. I really was happy for them, but from a business point of view, if it ended badly, I would lose one or perhaps two good barbers. That worried me, as good barbers were hard to come by.

Finally there was Jess, just fresh out of barber school and still learning the tricks. She was getting there slowly. She would get there faster if she stopped talking long enough to actually make a cut since it was apparent she hadn't managed the art of both talking and cutting at the same time.

Jacob was our tattoo artist. He and I had been friends since we were kids. He ended up in my shop wanting to set up a chair, saying it would be good to have a tattooist here. I wasn't sold on the idea at first, but agreed to give it a trial run. Needless to say, it went over well with the customers. After a while, he took a course in sticking bits of metal in to others skin and I had been a test toy for him and decided to get my tongue pierced. It hurt like a bitch, and I couldn't eat anything other than soup for a week and half. A few days after I had it done, I thought about taking it out but then realised how much fun it might be and so I kept it in.

"Morning, Eddie." I heard Rosalie's voice hit me as I walked across the shop floor towards the back. She had a silly shit-eating grin on her face.

"It's Edward, Rose, how many times…" I trailed off knowing it wasn't worth the air to ask. I hated my name being shortened! I headed to the back of the shop where Leah was sitting talking to her brother.

"Someone looks unhappy this morning, what's with the long face?" Rosalie had followed me in to the back leaving the rest working out in the front. My workforce was a happy one, we all had a laugh and we were all the butt end of someone's jokes; it was a friendly place to work.

"Nothing, I just had a bad night, that's all." I flopped down on the chair and ran the ball on my tongue piercing across my teeth.

"Yeah, it sure looks it." Seth passed me my coffee. God, why didn't I just have the kid working here full time?

Just then Jacob appeared at the door looking at me. His face wasn't his usual happy one that was normally seen in the shop. He looked distressed and I couldn't think of a reason why he would. He had been going out with his girlfriend, Bella, for a good few years now. She was lovely, albeit a little overpowering sometimes, but nice nonetheless. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for you. I wondered if something had happened between the two of them. I was about to ask Jacob what was wrong when he spoke.

"You better come out, Edward. _He's_ here." I closed my eyes. I had a feeling just who _'he'_ was. Surely he wouldn't have found out where I worked? Admittedly, it wasn't hard to track me down, he would only have to ask around in the club as most of them came in here for one thing or another. Besides, how many barber shops were called Cullen's? I sighed as I got to my feet to head out front.

Sure enough, as I walked out in to the shop there stood Jasper. He hadn't changed much, his hair still the same blonde curls as before, a little longer and in need of a haircut. His body was a little more built since the last time I saw him, but he was basically still the same Jasper he was ten years ago.

"Can I help you?" My tone stayed flat, I wasn't in the mood to be nice to him even if he was a costumer.

"Can I get a haircut?" _No, you fucking can't. Fuck off._

"I'll send Rose out." I was just about to turn and walk in to the back to get Rose when he spoke.

"Can you do it?" _No, I fucking can't, unless you want a shaved head and a missing ear_. Of course, the words that came out were different to that.

"Take a seat." I pointed my hand towards my working chair, and after he sat down I put the protective cover on him. I have never been nervous when it came to cutting hair, but today I could feel my nerves go to pot. I picked up the comb and ran it through his hair causing the memories of running my hands through it to come flooding back. _Bastard! I fucking hate you._

"What am I doing?" _Do not say 'cutting my hair' or I will floor you._

"Just an inch off, please." I smiled dryly at him and went to work, wetting his hair throughout before pulling up a section and taking it off with my scissors.

"You went in to the business then? I see you're doing well." He was making small talk with me like we were friends. _Yeah, not so much, asshole._ I stopped cutting and looked at him.

"Just what do you want, Jasper?" The shop had fallen silent, it was like all eyes were on me, on us. Jacob knew all about Jasper, all about the break up, and no doubt he had run around the shop filling everyone in. I snapped my head around and looked at them; they all turned back to what they were doing.

"Can we talk? There are things I really need to tell you… things I need to say." His voice pleaded with me.

"Why don't you write a fucking letter, you're good at those." I spat at him. I saw his face cringe at the remark about the letter. That letter; the one from ten years ago.

"Eddie… not here, please." He whispered. Thoughts of sticking my scissors in to his neck and letting the bastard bleed to death ran through my mind.

"Do not call me that!" I said through gritted teeth.

I finished off the haircut in record time and to be honest I didn't care if it was right or not, I just wanted him out of my chair and out of my fucking shop. Where does he get off? Did he really think I would welcome him back with open arms? _Wanker._

"Product?" I snapped at him. He seemed to be to be spaced out, not really here, looking off far way.

"Sorry?" He said shaking his head to get rid of whatever was going on in there. _I hope you're picturing my scissors in your neck, you fucker!_

"Product?" I asked again through gritted teeth. He shook his head to indicate he didn't want any so I turned him so he could see the back and then promptly got him out my chair.

Jasper paid and left, I didn't answer anymore of his question and refused to even look at him as he left the shop. I could feel the eyes of the people in the shop on me; I fucking hated this place today. I had spent so long working on this place, working on my career, on my life beyond him, and now he walks back in to it and fucks everything up.

"Get back to work." I almost shouted as I walked back across the shop floor to my station getting the next costumer in my chair. The tension soon fell and the shop went in to its normal banter. Today's topic was Leah and Sam, everyone making odd little remarks or jokes about how they would flirt with each other in the shop. The day picked up and soon it was closing time. I sent everyone home and finished off the last few things on my own, I wanted to be alone; my thoughts had drifted back to Jasper all fucking day.

Replacing the protective covers with clean ones I heard the door open and close. I didn't look round as the worst thing you could do was look at them. They would give you the puppy dog eyes wanting a quick haircut. I had had enough today.

"We're closed." I said as I continued what I was doing.

"Maybe you should lock the door then." I heard the click of the lock and froze. Jasper.

I turned round and there he was standing there looking sexy as hell. _Fuck!_ I tried not to imagine him standing there with no clothes on as those thoughts wouldn't help the fucking hard on that was already threatening. Trouble was, I didn't require any effort to picture it; I had seen him naked and those images were readily available in my mind.

"Jasper." I leant against one of the chairs and watched as he slowly made his way towards me.

"I really want to talk to you, Edward. I'm so sorry for how I left." I just stared at him. _This isn't happening; this is not fucking happening._

"You left a fucking note! A NOTE, Jasper. You couldn't even tell me you were leaving, that your family was up and moving. Instead you lied to me and broke up with me through a fucking note! Do you have any idea how much that fucking hurt?" I screamed at him as I thought back to the day I found the note.

_We were two weeks away from finishing high school. Two more weeks and I would be out of here, travelling the world in order to gain the knowledge I needed. I had just gotten the letter I had been waiting for; the letter that told me I had been accepted in to the training school of my choice. I was over the moon. I ran down the stairs to get my car keys to go to Jasper's. I couldn't wait to tell him. We had been together for over a year, coming out about the same time, though Jasper had preferred to be 'bi' rather than 'gay'. I never once saw him look remotely interested in a girl._

"_I'm off to Jasper's!" I called out as I pulled my trainers on._

"_Edward, you better come here." My mother's voice called out to me. I groaned, I wanted to go and see him. He had been so off last night, and I wanted to find out what was up with him._

"_What?" I snapped. This better not be a time when they want me to do something like clean out my room I thought as I walked in to the kitchen._

"_There is a letter for you." I rolled my eyes. Really, you stopped me over a letter? I internally ranted as I picked it up and went to walk out the room. Then, as my eyes cast down on the envelope, I stopped. Jasper's handwriting? What the fuck?_

My eyes snapped open and I looked at him and anger raced through me. After ten fucking years he walks back in to my life, walks in to bring past shit up that I would sooner forget about.

"Just leave, Jasper." I said while pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.

"Edward, I never meant to hurt you, that wasn't what I wanted." I could hear the apologetic tone in his voice. I snorted.

"No, Jasper, you just wanted to leave a note. Get out, Jasper. Go back to wherever the fuck you came from and stay the hell out of my life." I snarled as Jasper just crossed his arms across his chest and sighed.

"I just want to talk, I owe you an explanation." I laughed. _You fucking do owe me that, but now is not the fucking time to give it to me. In fact, there isn't a fucking time, not anymore._

"Edward..." He started, but I held up my hand to cut him off.

"Ten fucking years Jasper and you suddenly decide now is the time to give me an explanation? Fuck off! Get out!" I opened the shop door and stared at him. I could see the hurt already forming on his face. I knew his face so well, even after ten years I can still see the same signs I saw back then.

"I should have told you." He whispered as he slowly moved towards the door. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and rested my head against the door.

"Yeah, you should have, but instead you chose to lie to me and the damage is done. Just go, please Jasper, just go." My voice pleaded with him to leave, to go away. I had moved on, past the hurt and the thought that he couldn't even trust me enough to tell me he was leaving. I didn't want to think about these things, all the unanswered questions. All the times I tried to find him; calling his cell until his number changed just to find out why. Now here he was, ten years later, wanting to give me the answers I had once wanted so badly.

"I'm sorry; please give me a chance to explain." His whispered plea made my heart ache again; all over a-fucking-gain.

"Fine, but not here. You have five minutes." I walked past him, grabbed my keys and turned the lights off. Jasper stepped out the shop waiting for me as I locked up.

I walked past him and towards the coffee shop that was still open. He walked right beside me, a little too close. Although my old feelings for him where there, still after all this time, I couldn't allow myself to make the same mistakes I had made when I was eighteen. My whole outlook on relationships had changed. I never gave too much away, always keeping my relationships an arms length away. Some of the guys I dated could sense my withdrawal and wanted to know why I held back. What could I say? My high school sweetheart broke my heart, which I happily handed to him on a fucking silver platter? That would probably end things right away. Jasper's leaving had taught me one thing; never be open and free to your partner, it hurts too fucking much. Always keep a protective layer around your heart. _Well fucking done, Jasper._

I frowned as we walked in to the coffee shop, hating the man that walked with me. He had stolen my heart, I had been so deeply in love with him. I didn't see where I ended and he began. I was stupid; young and stupid. No matter what I tried to tell myself I was always going to be bound to him. My heart would always beat just for him and God how I hated that. I hated the sad pathetic man I had become. This wasn't fair! After all this time, just when I felt as though he was out of my system, he turns up again and shows me that he isn't.

We ordered coffee and sat across from one another. Keeping my cold stare going I looked at his face, seeing the small lines that have now gathered in the corner of his eyes. Yet it somehow only added to his beauty. His skin was now more tanned than it ever was, his lean shoulders standing out as his muscle's fell off from them and cascaded down his chest. _Stop it, don't be pulled back in, don't fucking do it._ But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but lean back in the booth and take a look at him; his mouth with the pouty lips that I loved so much, the angle of his jaw line, the way his blue eyes were the deepest blue I had ever seen. They were a dark, almost royal blue; I had fallen in to them, so many times.

He seemed to be looking at me, comparing his past me to the present me. I couldn't have a go at him for that, if that was what he was doing; after all, I was doing the same fucking thing.

I hadn't changed much. I was older, bigger, and not as pale. Of course, there were things that were different, things he wouldn't see; like the nipple ring, or the tattoo that ran from my hips to my pelvis, the tattoo that covered my shoulder running slightly down my arm and over the shoulder blade at the back. These things he couldn't see, to him, I still the looked the same. My mind wondered if Jasper had ever gotten any ink or had any piercings. He didn't seem the type to have any piercings, but ink?... Maybe?

"Jasper, I've got other things to do, so would you like to hurry this up?" I said in a flat tone. The trip down memory lane was fucking ending tonight! As soon as he has said all he wants then, that's it.

"You have to be somewhere?" He asked causing me to really want to floor the fucker right now. _What I do in my time has fuck all to do with you._

"That's none of your business, Jasper." I snapped back at him watching the little smirk hit his lips. _Don't fucking push me, Jasper._

"You got a date?" I snorted. _This better be heading somewhere or you will end up in A&E._.

"Again, Jasper, it's none of your business. Get to the point or I'm gone." I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he took a deep breath.

I watched his chest rise up before falling back down How many times had I looked at that same image? Not that it mattered now, it didn't; our lives were different now. I was different, he was different, and the life I once thought we were going to have disappeared the day I got that fucking letter.

"When did you get that done?" He asked me suddenly. I just stared at him, and I knew he was on about the ball in my tongue but yet again this was another pointless question. "Your tongue piercing, I mean." He smiled simply at me, as I just continued to run the ball across the inside of my teeth. "Okay Edward, I get it." He said. _What did you get, Jasper? That I have zero intention of actually listening to you, that I wasn't going to answer your little questions ._

I continued to stare at him, wanting nothing more than for him to just give up and go, either that, or I was. This was a bad idea, a really bad idea, bringing up old memories of us, our past, and the heartache of not only being lied to, but also being dumped through a note.

"I never meant to hurt you, Edward. I didn't know what to say, how could I tell you I was leaving?" He sounded a little lost, like this was hard for him. I wanted to laugh at the fucker.

"I don't know if you know this Jasper, but normally people tend to break up with someone through words coming out of their mouth and not some piss ass note." I rubbed my forehead. "I'm done, Jasper. This was a bad idea, please stay the hell away from me, and just forget that we have seen each for the first time in ten years." I stood up and pulled my jacket on. His head was turned towards me, the lost hurt eyes staring right back at me.

"Is.... Is that what you're going to do?" He looked so disconnected, his voice sounded pained. I wasn't going to be pulled in to his little trick. Fuck that! I wasn't eighteen anymore; I didn't fall for this type of act.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do." I turned and left the coffee shop but my whole body wanted to turn and look at him, wanted to go back and sit down and talk to him, try and work this through.

_Work this through? What the fuck are you thinking? You don't need Jasper, you don't love him anymore, you're over him, it's all done and dusted. You have accepted the way it ended and you have accepted the fact that you will never get it back. You will never get back what you had, what you felt with him._ I tried to tell myself these things, tried to convince myself that this was all true, but I knew I wasn't fooling myself.

I got back to my car and my chest was aching. All the time I spent healing myself from what happened and he shows up and slashes a great big fucking cut through my heart again. We knew each other inside and out, we were friends before we became lovers. I lost my best friend when I got that note, that letter. I sighed as my mind ran through the memory of our first encounter beyond friendship.

_Jasper was throwing a party for his eighteenth birthday. His parents had agreed to leave us alone, and Jasper had pleaded with his parents to go, not wanting them to be there to 'cramp his style' as he had put it. He promised that there wouldn't be alcohol, but by the time his parents left everyone had hid it in various places, bringing it out once the coast was clear._

_I had come out before Jasper had, figuring out at around fifteen that girls just weren't really doing it and I was thinking of men to get hard. Jasper came to me when he first figured out he was bi, wanting to know how to tell his parents that both sexes turned him on. I laughed at how he was acting, stressing the fact that girls did it for him too. I was convinced he just wanted to soften the blow. In the end, it was worry for no reason as his parents took it well._

_I had always thought Jasper was hot, the way his smile gave him dimples when he flashed a sexy grin my way and his lean body was well-defined. I had seen Jasper more than once walking around in just shorts, but that night he just looked fuck-able. I could see the girls eyeing him up as he was grinding into the back of some girl on the living room/dance floor. He caught me staring and flashed me a wink before running his tongue over his bottom lip which instantly went to my dick as I got hard in a heartbeat. He smirked and moved away from the girl and headed out in to the back garden, signalling for me to follow him._

"_Liking what you're seeing, Eddie?" He asked as I closed the door and stepped out in to the garden. I smirked, a little drunk and a little cocky._

"_Jazz, I almost came there and then." I joked. We had flirted with each other a few times, jokes were always pushed a little further between the two of us._

"_How come me and you have never kissed?" He asks turning to look at me, his eyes full of lust. "I mean we came out, we're best friends, yet we never tried to kiss." _

_I moved in front of him, our chests almost touching. I heard his breathing hitch and I smirked, our faces just inches apart. His breath fanned my face, a mixture of alcohol and Jasper._

"_Well..." I licked my lips as his eyes darted to them. "Why don't you kiss me then?" I watched him take a deep breath, his eyes searching my face to see if I was joking. I wasn't, and if he didn't kiss me, I was going to kiss him._

_He leaned forward, slowly, carefully. Our lips met, the shock ran through me as my hands went in to his hair pulling him closer to me. My lips, my face, my body felt on fire as I experienced this sudden rush of electric bolts running through me. He sucked my bottom lip and I moaned, trailing my tongue against his top lip, his mouth sucking my tongue in, letting me explore every inch of his mouth. My hands slid down his back towards his ass and squeezed it firmly. Our cocks brushed against one another making us moan with delight. We pulled away breathlessly smiling at one another._

"_Wow.... that was..." He trailed trying to catch his breath._

"_Amazing." I whispered out as our lips met again._

I shook my head trying to remove the thoughts as I pulled up to my flat. I sat back and sighed cutting the engine off. Nobody had ever compared to Jasper, I never got that same buzz from anyone else as I felt when I kissed him. Everyone else it was just flat, something was missing. Although I tried hard to be happy and carry on, I knew it wasn't right. I knew they weren't the one, the one that was out of my life and was staying there.

Back at home I relaxed and tried to clear my head. I didn't want to go out, I wanted to stay in and wallow in my own self pity. The pity party for one was in full effect as I sulked and slumped my way through a few bottles of beer while flicking through the TV channels.

As soon as my babies curled up on the sofa with me I heard the buzzer go, and I groaned. I wanted to be on my own and internally scowled that this better not be Mike. I stood up, much to the annoyance of the dogs and made my way to the intercom, hitting the button.

"What?" I all but growled out.

"Bro, let's get off the pity train! Let me in. Rose told me." _Of course she fucking told you, I'm sure it was the first thing she mentioned when she got in_. I buzzed him in and sat myself back down as he walked in through the door.

Emmett and I looked nothing alike. Emmett was three years older than me, built like a brick shit house with dark wavy hair. He was the joker of the family and I wondered what Rose saw in him. I had no idea, but she saw something as they were madly in love with one another.

"So last night when you bailed… you saw Jasper, didn't you?" He asked grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting down.

"Help yourself why don't you?" I grumbled out. He laughed, his booming voice almost making the windows shake.

"Come on! Rose said he turned up at work today. How are you feeling?" I shrugged, and rested my head back against the sofa. "Bro, it's been ten fucking years." He continued.

"I know. Why now, Em? Everything has come back to the surface. Things I don't want to remember,are there at the front of my mind." My voice was full of sorrow. This wasn't right, I shouldn't have to feel like this.

"Have you spoken to him, other than at the shop?" He asked fussing with one of the dogs that had moved over to him.

"Yeah, he came back after closing. We went for coffee. Fuck, Em! I couldn't take my eyes off him!" I buried my face in my hands and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. "He tried to tell me how sorry he was for what he did, and how he didn't know what to say." I told him lifting my head to look at him.

"And what did he say?" Em asked as I shook my head. "Ed? Please tell me you listened to him?" I sighed and looked away, I heard Emmett release a deep breath. He looked at me and shook his head.

"Man, I saw you when you two broke up, you should have listened even if it was to get closure on this. I know you miss him and still love him." I snorted. "Don't deny it! If you didn't you wouldn't be sitting here on the pity train heading to pity town." _I hate you, Emmett. I fucking hate you._

"So?" Was my not-so-adept reply as I acted more like a sulky teenager then a twenty-eight year old man. Emmett just sighed.

"You're hurt, and so is he. You two were good together. Man, you know I have never had a problem with you being a fag…" I shot him a look. I knew he meant nothing in it, but still… "All right, you being gay, but some of the guys I've seen you with have made me feel sick. None of them were good, or right for you. If you see Jasper again, you need to hear him out, _talk_ to him." Of course, I continued to sulk like a child. I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit it.

"I'll think about it." I mumbled out necking my beer back.

"Dude, these protective walls you have around you stop you from getting hurt because of what Jasper did, but you need to lower them down to let Jasper say what he needs too." He stood up and headed towards the door. "This could be the chance you so badly wanted. Don't let it pass you by." He opened the door and left.

I sighed and thought about what he said. Could I really sit and listen to Jasper? Talk to him and try and understand just what happened between us? Did I actually want to see him again?

His reappearance had woken up some old feelings and it hurt to look at him. My heart was breaking all over again seeing the man who I loved so much. I was like a lovesick puppy, my mind, thoughts, everything was fuzzy unless it came to Jasper. Maybe I just didn't see the signs that were there all along. Then again, maybe there weren't any signs, and maybe, he did what he thought was best. Either way, I had to find out.

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**_So what did you all think? _**

**_Be nice and hit the review button._**

**_Jen x_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN/ Wow! Again I'm blown away by the response the first chapter got, I'm glad you guys like it, (Jen does little happy dance.)**_

**_Ok I know some of you are waiting for the next chapter of Lay Your Hands, after I left it hanging and I promise the chapter will be going up, I know i don't normally miss days but I didn't get the chapter back until I was at work and for some reason I like to update that story in the morning. Hmm I can already see this one is going to be an Evening update, lol._**

**_Anyway, I am rambling away when you guys just want to get to the next chapter right? Well I wont keep you any longer, this chapter is all in JPOV and there are a few hidden things in here about where he went and what he has been up to, see it you can spot them._**

**_Here's chapter 2!_**

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_**JPOV**_

"So where are we going again?" I asked my brother as we got in the taxi in the main town. The streets were busy with meatheads, under age girls showing off way too much flesh and twats. Ah… a Friday night on the town.

This wasn't just any town though; to me, this was home, the place I grew up, a place that still held some wonderful memories to me, and some painful ones. _I wonder if he still lives here? If he moved on to somewhere else?_ I sighed. Not that it mattered if he had or hadn't, I wasn't going to go looking for him. As much as I wanted to, I wouldn't because the way I left was one that I was and forever would be ashamed of.

"Jazz, it's called Jumping Jacks, it's a local gay bar." He smirked at me. My brother, who was seven years older than me, hadn't left when I did. He had already gone off to some college or was following women around before returning back here, three years ago.

"But you're not gay." I simply said as we walked towards the club. I didn't see why he would want to go to a gay club. He wasn't gay, well neither was I completely gay as both sexes appealed to me.

"I know, but you are.... or bi, or whatever it is you're going under these days. Jazz, I'm being nice, you never know, you might just get fucked or be fucked, depending on which way you want to go." I shot him a look, he smirked at me. "I don't want to know which way round you go, knowing you fuck men is one thing, I don't care for the details." _What the fuck? How did we arrive on the subject of my sex life?_

"I don't need to get laid, James." I retorted while he just laughed.

"Bro, every fucker needs, and wants, to get laid." He said while we stood in line waiting to get in.

Rolling my eyes, I grumbled out "Only you, bro."

The club was packed to the rafters. The moment we entered James lost his cocky attitude from earlier. It was amusing watching him as his eyes darted around the room, clocking the queens eyeing him up. His face was turning more pale with each step as we made our way towards the bar.

"Relax James, this was your idea, remember?" I ordered two beers at the bar and watched as James looked more and more uneasy. He let out a high-pitched cry as some local queen squeezed his ass and I chuckled as he shot the man a death glare.

"James, you' re making it a challenge, just relax and stop looking like you're on a knife edge." I passed him his beer; he squared his shoulders as we made our way over to the outside of the dance floor.

My eyes scanned around and around looking at what was on offer which was disappointing really. Not that I was specifically on the lookout to get laid, but it's always good to have your eyes open. I shifted slightly as the hairs on the back of my neck started to stand up. I could feel someone's eyes on me, burning into my back, through my clothes and skin and into my very core. My head turned to find the source of the feeling. It was then that my eyes fell upon him; up on the top level of the club, leaning over slightly. I couldn't make his face out as the lights kept spinning around him. The lights hit his hair and for a second I thought it was Edward, the unmistakable reddish golden flecks shimmering in the pulsating light. I stared back trying to get a better look at him. I half smiled thinking it would be polite, but the smile was not returned. If it was, I didn't see it.

He moved and started toward the stairs, our eyes never leaving each others. _Holy fucking shit, it is Edward! _I took a deep breath as everything raced through me. He was heading towards me, heading towards where I was standing. His eyes were dead as he looked at me, the sight of his once shining eyes long gone. He brushed past me and headed out the door._ What're you doing, Whitlock? Fucking go after him!_ I screamed at myself.

"I'll be back." The words flew out of my mouth. I didn't give James a chance to respond as I ran after Edward.

"Edward, wait!" I cried out as he continued towards his car.

Seeing him again tonight I knew I had some explaining to do. I knew I wouldn't be welcomed with opened arms, but I thought, or I hoped he would at least let me explain to him what had happened.

"Edward, come on, at least let me explain." My voice pleaded with him, but he never so much as turned to look at me as he hit the remote of his car. To say it stung a little was an understatement. He drove past me, flooring the engine as he went. I knew I looked distressed right now. The realization that I had loved him and, in truth, still did, hit me hard.

"Jazz, what the fuck? I bring you here and you leave me?" I turned to see my brother standing there; his arms slightly open wondering just what was happening. I sighed and made my way back to him. "You followed Edward, didn't you?" He asked as I leant against the wall and nodded my head at him.

"I never wanted to go track him down or anything, but seeing him in there, I.....I don't know! I wanted to explain to him." I sighed defeated. James had heard all about the bad break up that I had caused and wouldn't speak to me for a while after it, claiming the way I broke up with Edward was wrong. I admit it was wrong, I didn't do the right thing, but at the time I couldn't bring myself to do the right thing.

"Jasper, you broke his heart. Shit, if it was me, I would want to kill you. Just leave the past where it is, don't go opening locked doors." He bent his knee against the ledge of the wall, crossing his arms across his chest. I pouted and sulked for a while not moving from my spot. James turned to face me resting his arm on the wall. "If you really want to talk to him, maybe I could help you, but you have to promise me you won't rush in there head first."

"I'm listening." All I wanted now was to explain to Edward that things had changed so much in the last ten years. We were both different people, our lives had changed, mine more so than anyone's, but I owed it to him to explain things.

"He owns a barber shop in town called Cullen's. It's been open for a few years now, does really well too. If you want to find him, start there. But Jazz, do me a favour and really think about this, okay?" I smiled and James just shook his head. "Jazz, be fucking smart, I know you have a brain up there."

"Yeah, yeah. I don't know how to go about this James. Any ideas?" I asked, he shook his head at me and pushed himself off the wall.

"Nope, none…this is your own mess you, have to figure it out. If you get the chance tell him everything, and lay it all out there. I'm off, there's way too much boy on boy stuff for me. I'm gonna go fuck Vicky into outer space."

"Too much info." I said feeling slightly sick at the mental image he had just painted in my head.

He turned to walk off home leaving me standing there, and he turned back. "Remember Jazz, EVERYTHING!" He shouted the last word to me, making me cringe. _Surely I didn't have to tell him everything, did I?_

I arrived back home to the apartment I was renting, I had moved most of the things out of boxes now. I had been here for just over a month and my mother had been on my case about sorting it out. Throwing my keys on the side, I flicked the light on as I was heading into the living room. My laptop sat there waiting for me to begin the latest project I had been working on. I tapped my chin thinking about starting it now. _It wouldn't hurt to look over the plans again_, I thought to myself as I lifted the lid and hit the start button. _Beer, you need beer._ The little voice inside my head said. _Um true, beer would be good about now, it might help me think. _

Grabbing a beer out of the fridge I sat my ass down in front of the laptop. The screen-saver was shining brightly at me, a picture of me and a little girl, both happy and smiling. Her two front teeth were missing and her blonde hair was hanging down over the sides of her face. The little freckles on her nose caught the light off the camera. I smiled and softly touched the picture before opening up the file.

I groaned slightly seeing the file load up, it seemed to get longer and longer every time I looked at it, the final bits still weren't finished, and the man wanted the impossible from me. It was a big job, a flashy website to be created by yours truly complete with all the whistles and bells; it was going to be a hard one to create but the pay-off was well worth it.

Browsing over the latest bits of new information I decided I was going to have to call the client and speak to him about the site before I started. I made the mistake of setting up a basic site one that we could build from, but the changes he had me making were getting to be too much, so I took it down and waited until we had all agreed on what would be happening. I thought about how I could get this all to work, he wanted live streams on the site, which was doable as a lot of sites have them, but he wanted smooth running streams with no flags, and a crystal clear picture. _He didn't want much, did he?_

My phone kicked to life and I looked at the ID. _You really have to be fucking kidding me._ I let it ring and go through to my voice-mail. There was no way I was about to take this call, it was late, too late to be dealing with the likes of him.

I shut my laptop back down, giving up for the night as my mind was full of Edward and how he looked, and the difference the ten years had made on him. If I thought he looked fuck-able before, he should be damn right illegal now. We were each other's first, Edward had more experience than me. He had done more with other men whereas I had only ever kissed and had the odd feel now and then. I closed my eyes thinking of our first time.

_We had been dating for a few months and his parents were away for the weekend, leaving the house free for us to play. We were up in his bedroom both horny and hard. The bottle of lube sat on the side table next to a bottle of his Dad's whiskey which we were using to help calm the nerves. Nerves? I wasn't nervous, at all. Nope, I was beyond nerves. It had never come up who would go where when the time came, we both just sort of agreed we would switch, and I had opted to bottom first. Yeah, I was regretting that, looking at him now kneeling in front of me, his eyes lust filled and hooded. My eyes scanned down his body catching sight of his amazing cock throbbing gently against his stomach. I had never really noticed just how big and thick he really was. _

"_Jazz, you look like you're about have a heart attack." He joked, bending forward and placing a kiss on the tip of my cock. I shivered and gasped feeling his hot mouth gently suck my cock. _

"_Fuck... Ed...... you're..... agh!" I cried and he took all of me in his mouth. He pulled back up sucking in his cheeks and causing a popping sound as he released me. _

_He chuckled and picked up the bottle of lube, rolling it in his palms to warm it up before coating his fingers with it._

"_Relax, babe." His husky voice whispered in my ear as he slowly pushed a finger in me, pumping it in and out. It felt weird, but nice at the same time. He entered a second finger slowly scissoring to widen me. I started to relax as he kissed my neck and collarbone, gently nibbling the bone and driving me wild with pleasure. A third finger went in and I gasped slightly, tensing at the feeling of the extra finger. His eyes locked on mine as he kissed my lips, relaxing me once again._

_After a few minutes as my hips started to thrust against his fingers, he took it as a sign I was ready. Removing his fingers he rolled a condom over his long thick dick before coating it with lube. All I could think of was 'shit, this is going to hurt like a bitch'. He pulled my legs around his waist as he positioned himself at my entrance, my body tensing up with fear. I wanted this, I really did, but fuck he was big and I knew this would hurt. He saw the look in my eye and smiled softy at me._

"_I won't hurt you, babe. I'll take this slow." He slowly pushed into me, his head breaking past my contracting muscles. The pain hit as my muscles tensed up even more, fighting off the foreign body that wanted to enter me. His eyes never left mine as he waited for me to relax, he pushed a little further into me, and I cried out in pain. _

"_Do you want to stop?" He asked me. I shook my head. This could only get better, right?_

_He slowly started to move in and out of me, going a little deeper with each thrust. The pain was horrid, feeling as though my ring was on fire. I tried to relax as his thrust went deeper and deeper in me, with him whispering loving words at me. The pain started to go and in its place came pleasure. My scream of pain changed to throaty cries of pleasure as he hit spots deep inside me, my hips started to meet his thrusts as they became more powerful. _

"_Jazz.... fuck..... I love you." He groaned out in between thrust, his face one of pure pleasure as he bit his bottom lip. His eyes were closed as he focused on our lovemaking, enjoying the wonderful, earth shattering feelings that were washing through us. _

_His hand gripped hold of my rock hard cock, which was a relief as it had been begging for more friction, more attention and leaking with pre-cum. He matched his strokes on my cock to his thrusts, pounding into me, my whole body begging for more of everything he was willing to give. I felt my balls begin to tighten as I sat on the edge of what was sure to be the most powerful orgasm of my life._

"_I'm... so.... close." I cried out as my head pushed back on the pillow arching my back with need. Need for him to push me over the fucking edge._

"_Cum for me!" He cried out as his thrust went into overdrive, slamming into me harder and faster than before, hitting my sweet spot deep inside. It sent me over the edge. I cried his name out as I came hard, my whole body spasmed as the power of the orgasm ripped through me. He stilled, throwing his head back as he followed me a few seconds later. _

_His eyes reopened and fell on mine. The love he held for me poured through his eyes, burning into me. And I was consumed with his love for me, his need for me, my love for him, my need for him._

"_I love you." I whispered out as his lips met mine._

My eyes shot open as the pain burned in my chest. He had loved me so fucking much. His love for me knew no end, and yet I broke his heart and trust by leaving him a single note when I should have faced him. I ran my fingers through my hair stopping once I reached the crown. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the sofa.

It was light now. During my memory I had fallen asleep sitting up on the sofa. I ached, my back hurt and my muscles felt stiff. I had no one to blame but myself. I had brought this all on myself, the pain I suffered, the pain he suffered, was all thanks to me. With underlying frustration I pulled myself up off the sofa and went to take a shower.

The hot water hit my back, trailing down my spine, over the tattoo that ran along it. The simple pattern that meant so much to me. No one knew the meaning behind it. I had just told people I liked it, which I did, but there was a reason behind the pattern and that reason was just for me alone. I stepped out of the shower and changed. I thought about my brothers words last night, I was guilty of running head first into things and not thinking things through, but I needed to see Edward. I, at least, had to try, right?

Looking at my hair in the mirror I figured I could get a haircut. I did need one and I could use it as an excuse to talk to him, to try and right my wrongs. Getting dressed and out the door I didn't actually stop to think until I was across the street from his shop. My heart was beating wildly in my chest; the nervous butterflies hit my stomach as I took in the well laid shop across the road. He had done well, worked hard and made his business work. I could see people in the shop, people he worked with, but I couldn't see him. My phone buzzed again and I groaned looking at the caller ID.

"Hello, Aro." I groaned down the phone. I hated this man, hated him with a passion. He would call me at least ten times a day to change something or add something else. I had taken the job before I moved back and regretted it ever since. Aro owned a big ass stripper joint, and wanted this fancy website to help sell his girls. I found the whole thing disgusting; young woman selling their bodies by dancing half naked around a pole… no, thanks.

"Jasper, my boy, I have been thinking about the website." He started. _Of course you have, you have done nothing but hound me over it._ "You know I wanted a live feed streamed onto the site? Well how about if we had a video that just played one of my girls working? Would that be possible?" He asked, making my skin crawl. _It is a good job! He is paying you big money for this!_ I kept reminding myself. I couldn't afford to turn it down when the offer hit my ears.

"It's possible, but the same laws still apply, so I will have to look into it. And if one of the girls leaves then the video will have to be updated, which of course will make this project on-going." I rubbed my forehead as my mind started to process this abhorrent project. Then a thought sort of scared me; I hoped he wasn't thinking I was going to film them. Did he?

"_Excellent Jasper, I'm so excited to have this up and running A.S.A.P. I will, of course, cover the extra cost. When do you think we will have the green light on this?" _The excitement in his voice made me feels sick. God, I hated this.

"I'm not sure, I'll have to look into it Aro. You need to finish off the details for the site, so I can start to put it into action." I said, wishing beyond hope that he would suddenly change his mind over this whole website despite the nice amount I was being paid.

"_Good, I'll sort that out for you, this is so exciting!" _He chanted. I suppressed the groan that wanted to come out.

"I'll call you later, Aro." We said our goodbyes and hung up. My eyes were still fixed on the shop in front of me. I hadn't seen him come out into the shop front and I hadn't seen him go in. I didn't want to move until I was sure he was in there. The trip would be wasted if he wasn't there.

As if to answer my silent prayers I saw the same car that I saw last night pull up. My heart flipped in my chest as I caught sight of him, his shirt hugging nicely on his body, and his jeans giving his ass a look that almost begged it to be fucked. I watched him walk in and speak to some woman before disappearing into the back. _Okay Jasper, you know he is in there, off you go now. _I took a deep breath and walked across the road and into the shop.

My eyes saw Jacob first, I remembered him from school. He still looked the same, just a hell of a lot bigger. I wondered if he would remember me. The look on his face as he looked at me told me he did. He screwed his face up slightly and I saw his hands ball into fists. He looked me up and down and turned on his heel, leaving me just standing there. Popping his head around the door, he spoke to someone; I guessed it was Edward. After a moment, Edward appeared.

I tried not to drink in his appearance; the gorgeous look of his face, the way his skin held slightly more colour than before, the way his muscles tugged at the shirt he was wearing giving a peek show of the muscles he was hiding. _Shit, he looks good._

"Can I help you?" He asked. His tone was so flat and grave, showing no emotion, no feeling in it whatsoever.

"Can I get a haircut?" I kept my tone light and friendly, trying not to push him into a corner. I wanted to talk to him, not have a fight.

"I'll send Rose out." He started to turn on his heel and head to the back, but I wanted him to do it, not her.

"Can you do it?" I asked, seeing his muscles tense in his back before turning back to me.

"Take a seat." He pointed to the chair and I sat down. He moved quickly, putting the protective cover over me. I could see his hands shake slightly. I wanted to touch them, hold them in mine and tell him how sorry I was. The comb dug slightly too much into my scalp as he combed my hair, but the realization that he was playing with my hair, touching me, relaxed me so much that I was certain I could fall asleep.

"What am I doing?" His tone never changed with me. I could see the internal battle in his eyes, trying to figure out what he should do; hit me, shout at me or talk to me.

"Just an inch off, please." I said as he began to wet my hair, pulling it and cutting it off.

"You went into the business then? I see you're doing well for yourself." I was trying to make a bit of small talk with him, 'test the waters' as they say. However, he just stopped cutting and looked at me with his green eyes on fire.

"Just what do you want, Jasper?" He snapped at me. I noticed how everyone had stopped what they were doing and were listening to us. I could see him getting angry as his left eye twitched giving me a clear sign that he was pissed off. It may have been ten years since I last saw him, but his signs hadn't changed.

"Can we talk? There are things I really need to tell you...... Things I need to say." My voice pleaded with him. I just wanted this one chance to talk to him.

"Why don't you write a fucking letter, you're good at those?" He spat at me while I cringed at the remark of the letter.

"Eddie..... not here, please." I whispered out and his face became almost murderous as he heard me shorten his name. He had always hated it being shorted but never minded me saying it… until now, apparently.

"Do not call me that!" He said through gritted teeth. I gave up trying to talk to him now; he was pissed and wasn't going to talk. He was so cold towards me as he cut my hair, but the warm feelings were still there when we touched and I knew he could feel it too.

_We lay on our backs on the beach that was empty, our bodies wet from playing in the sea, the sun shining down on us. I tilted my head to the side to see Edward lying on his side propping himself up on his elbow, smiling at me. His fingers gently touched the side of my face moving the wet hair off me._

"_We're almost out of high school, Babe. No more weird looks from people. It will be a whole new world." He whispered in my ear, I smiled at him. _

_We had been dating for almost a year. Edward had come out at sixteen and made no excuses for it. He didn't give a crap what people thought, he was out and proud of it. Me, on the other hand; I hadn't been so open about it. I was still very unsure. I loved Edward, but I never really classed myself as 'gay', more 'bi'. I was still turned on by a woman as well as a man, so I crawled slowly out as bi._

"_Yeah, not long." I said to him as I placed a loving kiss on his lips. Edward smiled softly at me showing me his loving smile, the one that I loved so much._

"_College won't effect us, will it?" He asked. I hated this talk with a passion. Edward was planning on training as a barber and would be in a different place than me. Even though I had assured him that it wouldn't make a difference, that there were other ways we could stay in touch, and of course we could visit each other, I still felt guilty. Guilty, because I hadn't told him._

"_I love you." I said kissing him once more as my hands roamed down his chest. The talk of college was all but forgotten as things got heated between us, my hands roamed down to his waistband before slipping in and feeling his now......_

I was snapped out my memories by his voice as I looked at him and blinked. I couldn't recall what he had just said.

"Sorry?" I asked shaking my head to clear the thoughts out.

"Product?" He asked through gritted teeth, I shook my head telling him no. He turned me around and showed me the back. I was impressed, my curly hair was sitting in wonderful layers. He promptly got me out of the chair.

He never said another word to me as I paid and left the shop, feeling disappointed. What did I really expect from him? To welcome me with open arms? Let me happily explain my sudden disappearance with nothing more than a letter? I would have to try again. Upon exiting the shop, I took a mental note of what time they closed, telling myself I would come back at that time and hopefully get to talk to him.

I went back to my apartment and started looking at the laws for Aro's website. I spoke to a few people who knew more about video footage of half naked woman on websites than me and I slowly and painfully started to build it. This site was going to take time, a lot of time, to complete.

About half an hour before the shop was due to close I left my apartment and headed over there. I sat in my car and watched as people left the shop, customers with their new haircuts and the staff that worked for Edward. When I was sure he was alone I got out and made my way over to the shop. He had his back to the door as I walked in. I could see his muscles flexing as he worked. The visual stimulation was heading right to my dick.

"We're closed." He simply said, keeping his back to me. I smiled.

"Maybe you should lock the door then." I answered as I clicked the lock on the door and watched as he froze on the spot, before turning to me.

"Jasper?" He whispered out, leaning against one of the chairs as I slowly made my way to him. The way he was leaning against the chair was turning me on even more. My eyes scanned over his body. Fuck, what I wouldn't give to rip his clothes off and fuck him senseless right now.

"I really want to talk to you, Edward. I'm sorry for how I left." I said to him while trying to shake the thoughts of him being naked. Not an easy task, when the images are readily available. He just stared at me.

"You left a fucking note! A NOTE, Jasper. You couldn't even tell me you were leaving, that your family was up and moving. Instead you lied to me and broke up with me through a fucking note! Do you have any idea how much that fucking hurt?" He screamed at me. I looked down at the floor. I knew how much it hurt, it hurt me just as much.

I watched him close his eyes for what seemed like forever. I didn't move to go near him, even though my body ached for his touch. There were so many things left unsaid, so many things left unfinished. I loved him back then, ten years ago. I loved him more than my life was worth, and now ten years later, I still love him. My body still aches for his touch, my hands still want to feel his in mine. I had crushed everything we ever had and I couldn't blame him for hating me, for wanting nothing to do with me. His eyes snapped open as he looked at me.

"Just leave, Jasper." He said while pinching the bridge of his nose. I sighed almost to myself.

"Edward, I never meant to hurt you, that wasn't what I wanted." I pleaded with him, my voice full of apology. He snorted at me. He didn't believe the words, the tone, any of it, and to him, it meant nothing.

"No, Jasper, you just wanted to leave a note. Get out, Jasper. Go back to wherever the fuck you came from and stay the hell out of my life." He screamed.

I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed. If I had to beg for him to listen, I would.

"I just want to talk, I owe you an explanation." He laughed at me as if this was a game.

"Edward....." I started, but he cut me off by holding up his hand.

"Ten fucking years Jasper and you suddenly decide now is the time to give me an explanation? Fuck off! Get out!" He walked toward the door and opened it. My heart fell, and it hit the bottom of my stomach like a lead weight.

I moved towards him, towards the door, my aching heart laying low in my chest. "I should have told you." I whispered out as I approached him. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the door. My hand started to move on its own accord to touch him, to comfort him, but I snapped it away before I touched his beautiful skin.

"Yeah, you should have, but instead you chose to lie to me and the damage is done. Just go, please Jasper? Just go." He pleaded with me. He didn't want to listen to me, but I tried again, one last ditch attempt for us to talk.

"I'm sorry, please give me a chance to explain." I whispered out in a plea to him as my pain ran through my voice, coating each word as it went.

"Fine, but not here. You have five minutes." He walked past me to grab his keys as I walked outside. Inside I was happy; I had five minutes during which he would listen to me, let me explain, let me try and heal all of this mess I had created because I was too scared to face him.

He walked past and I followed heading towards another shop. I walked a little close to him; I could feel the electric buzz sparking and flickering between the two of us. _Surely he can feel this? _If he was uncomfortable, I couldn't tell, as he made no attempt to move away from me. Maybe he liked it; maybe it was bringing back the happier memories from our past? _Yeah, don't get carried away, Jasper, this ship sailed a long, long time ago._

My life had changed so much. I had been happy over the last ten years, had a few relationship's, but I never really fell in love with anyone. I cared deeply about them to the point where I thought I did love them, but that love was a different love to the love I had and still did feel for Edward. I would often catch myself staring off into space as my mind would wander, thinking if I hadn't gone… If I had been honest with him, what could have happened between us. I think that was the hardest part of all of this, we never let it run its course, it ended before its time and we were both left wondering _'what if'_. I can't undo the hurt and the damage I have done, at the same time I can't turn back the time and change my mind. Some of the things that happened after our breakup I wouldn't change for the world and if that breakup had never happened then I wouldn't have the things I wouldn't change. I was sure Edward feels the same, but the thought will always remain… _What if_?

We entered the coffee shop and sat across from one another as we ordered our coffee. I smiled slightly hearing him order his; it hadn't changed, strong, just a splash of milk and two and a bit sugars. I fought against my desire to chuckle as my mind remembered his little habits and ticks. The splash of milk which had to be a splash, he wouldn't drink it if there was too much. The two and bit sugars, not two and half as it had to be a bit or he wouldn't drink it because it was too sweet. How long it had taken me to get it just right. I think I could honestly do it now and still have it be perfect, just the way he liked it.

He sat and stared at me. His eyes ran over me as mine ran over him, taking each other in. I could hear the faint clicking of his tongue ball against his teeth. I had spotted it when he spoke, but hearing it, knowing he was running it against his teeth, went right to my dick. I had to fight hard to suppress the groan. Fuck, a tongue ball, my mind raced over thoughts of what that ball on the flat of his tongue could do. _Stop it! Stop it right, fucking, now!_ I mentally slapped myself and went back to looking at him, trying to block out that fucking ball on his tongue; not the easiest of tasks when I can hear it hitting his teeth. I wondered if he had anymore piercings. I once had my nipple pierced but had to take it out when it got infected. I didn't bother again as it hurt way too fucking much the first time.

"Jasper, I've got other things to do, so would you like to hurry this up?" Edward's tone stayed flat with me. I took a sip of my coffee and leant forward resting my elbows on the table.

"You have to be somewhere?" I asked him, keeping my tone friendly and light.

"That's none of your business, Jasper." He snapped back me. I couldn't stop the slight smirk that hit my lips.

"You got a date?" I couldn't help but push him that little more, snappy Edward had always been a hot Edward. He snorted at me.

"Again, Jasper, that's none of your business. Get to the point or I'm gone." He crossed his arms over his chest. I took a deep breath.

This wasn't going how it wanted it go. I had wanted so badly to talk to him, to explain everything to him, but now he was here, right in front of me and I couldn't talk about it, not really. I wanted to play with him, not in a mean way, but I missed him. I missed the playful side of him or the snappy side of him when he was trying to be unamused when being teased. I knew I had to start talking or he was going to go.

"When did you get that done?" I asked him suddenly, still hearing the ball run across his teeth. He just stared at me. "Your tongue piercing, I mean?" I simply smiled at him, praying that somehow this would break the tension between us. He didn't answer. "Okay Edward, I get it." I said a little defeated. He wasn't moving at all, if anything I was pissing him off more and more.

"I never meant to hurt you, Edward. I didn't know what to say. How could I tell you I was leaving?" I wanted to add that it tore me apart not to tell him, that I loved him more than he would ever know.

"I don't know if you know this Jasper, but normally people tend to break up with someone through words coming out of their mouth and not some piss ass note." He rubbed his forehead. "I'm done, Jasper. This was a bad idea, please stay the hell away from me, and just forget that we have seen each for the first time in ten years."

Pain hit me as I watched him stand and begin to leave. As my eyes met his, I begged with my glance for him not to go, for him to sit back down and let me explain.

"Is.... Is that what you're going to do?" I asked, trying to keep the pain from my voice.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do." He turned and walked away from me. He didn't even look back at me as he just continued out the door as though we didn't even know each other.

I stayed seated, staring at the coffee cup he had been drinking and at the spot he sat in. Seeing him had brought everything back to the surface, back to the front of my mind. The love I used to feel for him, the love I still feel for him.

Finishing off my coffee I left the coffee shop, my thoughts jumbled in my head. I knew coming back here would run the risk of possibly bumping into him, but what I hadn't thought of, was how I would feel seeing him again. There has always been, even through the ten years, a part of me that still longed for him; a part of me that was always thinking of him. I never forgot him even though I cut everything single thing we ever had together out of my life, he was always there. I took comfort from my memories of him, of us, and felt pain seeing the actually memories. They had to go.

Me leaving was something I had no control over. It was already sorted, arranged and nothing I could do was going to stop it, but I wish I had taken a different road than the one I took. I did what I thought was best for the both of us; best for me. I look back now and see that maybe my choice wasn't the right one. Who knows what he would have said if I had told him the truth about where I was going. I mean where I went wasn't as though it was some secret mission, or some bad place, it wasn't as though I didn't enjoy my time, because I did. Where I went hand-fulls of people go all the time, so why did I feel the need to lie to him? To not tell him? Because I was sure that he wouldn't want the life that was laid in front of me, and I was a chicken shit.

********

I sat staring at my laptop trying to build the godforsaken web page for that stripper joint, but so far all I had managed to do was develop the actually address and a black background. Wow, I had done so much in the...... four and a half hours I had been working on it. This was child's play. Anyone can make the god damn address and turn the page black. It was something that would normally take me thirty or so minutes to do. So, what had I actually been doing for the other four hours? Nothing! Fiddling around with it and getting nowhere fast.

"Soooo........ how did it go?" I lifted my eyes from the laptop to see my brother heading in the door. I sat back and pushed my glasses on to my head as he laughed at me.

"And you're laughing at?" I asked him, pissed off more than anything because he was laughing without a care in the world while I was reliving all my heart ache all over again.

"Since when did you start wearing glass?" He chuckled out.

I sighed and watched as he sat himself down across from me, browsing over the plans I had printed off for the new website. "Stripper joint? Do you get a discount? Does it apply to your dear brother as well?"

I just stared at him. We really didn't come from the same people, I was sure of it. While James thought nothing of catching a free show of tits and ass, I found it repulsive.

"No. No discount, and why would you want to go look at some crack whores anyway? I'm sure Vicky would be pissed if she knew." I smirked watching his face cringe slightly. Oh yes, my brother was under her thumb. "And as for the glasses, I only use them when I'm working. You try staring at a screen for hours on end… it strains the eyes." I pulled them back down and rested them on my nose. "Besides, I think I look pretty hot in them."

"For one, me looking at what is on display has nothing to do with Vicky, it stays between you and I. There is no harm in looking at the menu as long as you don't sample the food. And no, Jazz, those glasses on top of your head make your curls stick out and looks like you have a headband on. You know, if you want one, I could nick one off Vicky for you." He smirked resting his feet on the coffee table, which just so happened to have the papers I needed sitting on it.

"So you didn't listen to me, did you? You went in and saw him and let me guess, it didn't go well, did it?" He continued as he was spinning his keys in his hand.

"No, it didn't. Fuck, James! It all went wrong. I started chatting about silly stuff which was just pissing him off even more. In the end, he just told me to go away and forget we had seen each other because that is what he was going to do." I kicked the coffee table out of frustration, frustration of not telling him when I had the chance, frustration for acting like an idiot when I should have been begging for him to accept my apology.

"Well, what did you expect? Jazz ,you just fucked off and left him." I cringed. "I know it hurt you. Man, I remember the hours I spent talking to you, but for you to see him and start idle chit chat wasn't the right way to go about it." He sat forward and looked at me. "Don't hound him, Jazz, whatever you do." I looked at him for a second and shook my head.

"I won't." I grumbled out, feeling sorry for myself. "Is there a reason for you just being here?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"Nope, just wanted to know how it went. I can see you're busy.... Oh and uh, Mum says you need to call her, she wants her little Jazzy boy home for dinner." He chuckled in a mocking tone. I stuck my finger up at him making him laugh before he left.

I scratched my ankle, just above the scar that was there. My finger pressed into the round circle that was now red, it never turned back to its natural colour and would always remain red. I shuddered as I recalled the pain I went through when I got it. The pain as my ankle was nearly shattered to pieces and the pain I went through afterwards. However, that pain was nothing compared to the ache I was feeling in my chest at the moment. Maybe seeing him was a bad idea. I should have left well enough alone because my little visit had brought me no end of the pain. Edward hated me; it was that simple, and I was to blame.

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**_I know this was really much the same as chapter one but from JPOV, I wanted to get a better ground of the story, I will be going between the boys but I wont be doing each scene, it was a one off._**

**_Anyway my lovely readers, please be kind and hit that review button for me, Jen x_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, I'm glad your all liking it so far. I know the last chapter was sort of the same as the first but from Jasper POV, but I feel it needed to be done in order to gain some information for later on. **_

**_It's been a long week since I last updated this story, so I won't keep you waiting any longer._**

**_Here's chapter 3!_**

_**

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_**EPOV**_

I had sulked all weekend as nothing appealed to me. I didn't go out at all, choosing to stay in and wallow in my own self pity. I had forgotten, moved forward and had him out of my head, but in the space of forty-eight hours everything had changed. Jasper had walked back into my life and uprooted everything that had run smoothly in my life. He had consumed every inch of my mind. Feelings I hadn't felt in a long time were now at the forefront. I felt this twisting knot in my stomach every time I thought of him; his eyes, his hair, the way his T-shirt hung off his broad shoulders and cascaded over his muscular chest. I closed my eyes trying to shake the thought of Jasper out of my head, but it was no use, like a drug addict seeing a bag of crack, you know it's no good for you, but yet you want it so bad and you cave in to what your body wants.

I needed to find Jasper.

Parking my car outside the shop, I walked in as Rose stood there at the till waiting, a grin wide on her face. Her eyes focused on me, as though she was waiting for something.

"Morning, Edward." She said, her tone slightly sickly, like she knew something.

"Rose." I simply said walking into the back of the shop and spotting Sam pondering over one of Jacob's tattoo books. "Thinking of another one?" I asked while taking my coat off and hanging it up.

"Yeah, I'm thinking of a dragon down my back. I've seen this one." He pointed to the flying dragon which was breathing fire. "I don't know though, it will cover my whole back and I'll have to have a few sittings to get it finished."

I poured the hot water from the recently boiled kettle into my mug. "It's a nice choice Sam, why a dragon?"

"Well, I've just got a thing for them, plus I think this one is pretty awesome. Leah isn't sold on it though… says it's too much on one area." He chuckled. "You couldn't make it smaller, it wouldn't look right. I'll have a chat with Jacob when he gets in." He turned his attention back to the book; I took a sip of my hot coffee and looked at Rose who was grinning at me madly. I suppressed the groan that threatened to come out as I looked at her.

"Spit it out, Rose." I grumbled. She held her hand out. In the palm of her hand was a small piece of paper. I took it off her and opened it up. My eyes went wide as I took in what was on the paper.

"He dropped it off about ten minutes before you arrived. He said if you ever fancy sorting it out then you know where to find him." I nodded, but my eyes never left the paper. His address was right there in my hand, part of me wanted to rip it up; the other part of me told me to take the morning off and go see him.

"Thanks Rose." I said placing the piece of paper in my pocket, my mind weighing up between going to see him now or leaving it until later.

"We can cope Edward and if need be I'll call in Jess. Go and see him Edward, Emmett told me all about what had happened… so GO!" She folded her arms across her chest. I sighed and ran my free hand through my hair. I wasn't sure about going to see him now. I wanted to see him, wanted to talk after what happened on Saturday, but I was still pissed at him, still hated him for the effect he still had on me.

"I'll think about it." I grumbled, sticking the piece of paper into my pocket. I would do it when I was ready, not when someone was telling me I should do it.

"Well that's your choice Edward, but if I'm going to have to work with you then I would like it if I could work next to a happy Edward." She fanned her hair in the mirror and checked her teeth for lipstick.

"But......" She smirked. "If I were you, I would go and see him; take down this wall of hatred and protection and talk to him, but that's just what I would do." She disappeared out of sight and into the front of the shop.

I sat down and placed my face in my hands. I didn't really care where he had gone. He could have gone to Mars for all I cared. I just cared about why he chose not to tell me. Why I was worth so little to him for him to forget all about me and cut me out of his life all together? I don't think I was being unreasonable by not jumping at the first chance I had in ten years to talk to him. After all, I doubted many people would just run back and sit themselves down and listen to what that person had to say.

I loved him so much, my heart broke into a million pieces that day, and I struggled to pull myself together. I hardened up to life, to love, to relationships after that. I was naive to think that relationships meant you were free and open to one another; that secrets weren't kept from the each other, and that you shared an undying bond that would make you feel guilty if you kept just the smallest secret from your partner. I didn't do 'love' anymore, I didn't do 'trust' and 'understanding'. I did what was best for me, and I would turn before they ever had the chance to. I wasn't cold to the people I was with, but I wasn't completely affectionate towards them either. That part of me had died along with my relationship with Jasper.

Trust was a major issue for me now. I didn't trust a single person I had ever dated since Jasper. The only people I trusted were my family and my close friends. I hadn't always been this way. I had placed my trust in people before, I openly never questioned anyone, and I certainly never questioned Jasper. Losing my trust and faith in him had been the biggest pain that I'd had to deal with. I swore I would never go through that pain again; that I wouldn't feel my heart being ripped out of my chest, making my chest so tight I couldn't breathe. Everything lost its appeal to me. I sank down into a deep pit of depression because someone I loved and trusted without any limits could do this to me.

I still showed signs of my pain, though I masked it well. My family and my friends all thought I was long over Jasper, that he and his little stunt had left my life a long time ago, and in most cases it was true, or so I willed myself to believe. Every time the thought of him came into my head I brushed it aside and moved onto something else, needing to fill my mind with something, anything that would stop me from thinking of him, so the pain in my chest would go away and I could function again. Any break-up was the worst. Those were the times when I would sink back and wallow in my pity and grief, safe in the knowledge that everyone I knew thought it was because of the recent break-up. In reality, it never had anything to do with the latest break-up, they meant nothing to me, not really, and the pain I felt wasn't because of them. It was because of him, always him.

I have tried so many, many times to forget and move on, and most of the time I can convince myself that I have well and truly forgotten all about him, but those times are short lived. I knew I was stupid for still holding on, for not letting it all go and fully moving forward, but I just couldn't. No matter how many times I tried, my heart just wouldn't let him go.

***

The day passed by as I stayed in my slightly off mood. Rosalie's eyes were always on me, watching me, what I did, if I stayed still for too long, or thought for too long she would make her move and come and talk to me again. It was easy for her to say that I should go and see him, talk it through with him, get the closure I wanted; but facing him, after all these years, was hard. I had to make a choice. I could either continue the life I live now, where I move around from one relationship to another before finally calling it quits and never managing to get close to a person; or I could go and see him and talk things through. Maybe I might be able to fully trust someone again with my heart. _Yeah chance will be a fine thing._

It got to the end of the day and her eyes had driven me insane. It was like your mother looking at you waiting for you to do something you don't really want to do, but she keeps looking at you until you do it.

"Fine, Rose, I'll go now. Lay off." I snapped as we were closing up. I had cracked; unable to fight against her constant looks and small little words. Looking at her now she looked happy like a good little Samaritan who had done a good deed. _BITCH!_

"Are you now? As in, when you leave here? Maybe you should get changed. After all, you have been cutting hair and it's hardly sexy to be seen covered in other people's hair." Her words were as if this was some sort of date. I snorted at her, and she looked at me with her face full of confusion. "What?"

"Rose, I don't care if I'm covered in hair, it's hardly a date. In case you have forgotten, I'm going there to get answers, not to fuck his brains out." I retorted, picking up my jacket and keys.

"Yeah, but you wouldn't mind fucking him again." Her voice was so low that I almost missed it.

"No actually, I don't, and you can keep those sorts of comments to yourself." I snapped, flicking the lights off and heading towards the front door.

"Don't lie, Eddie. You still want him. You're only denying your own needs." A smug grin appeared on her face. _Fucking know it all._ If she wasn't married to my brother then I would fire her.

"Whatever." I grumbled out heading to my car. I was sure she would be running home to Emmett to tell him all about her good fucking deed. _You're still a bitch, Rose._ I thought as I climbed into the car.

I sat there, the engine running, but not moving, trying to figure out if I should go or not. My heart said one thing and my head said another. I was torn and a mess with my emotions all fucked up like this. I groaned and pressed my head against the steering wheel squeezing my eyes shut tightly, trying and failing to push all thoughts of Jasper out of my mind. _Why did he have to come back? Why couldn't he just stay away? Ten years and I got nothing from him, not even a phone call or a postcard. He just tossed me aside as though I meant nothing. So why am I sitting here thinking about going to see him? _I didn't need to answer my question, well, the last one at least. The piece of paper was burning a hole in my pocket and it had been all day.

Without thinking about it, I placed my hand in my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper. My heart beat wildly in my chest as I slowly opened it and looked at the address. I knew where it was, I had driven past that block of flats a few times. Am I really going to go there and see him? _You know you are, so why are you still sitting here? _Point taken.

Putting the car into first gear I pulled out of my spot and headed towards the address I was given. I tried not to think about it, tried not to the think about seeing Jasper, or what I might feel. I didn't even want to think about the fact that I was driving to see him, even though my stomach was in knots over the sheer thought of it. The closer I got, the more my heart pounded in my chest, the nerves coming out as my breathing picked up. I needed to calm myself down.

I parked up in the car park, and thought about my next move. What do I say to him if he is in? We didn't part on great terms the last time I saw him. In fact I told him to just forget about ever seeing me, which he didn't do. My fingers drummed the steering wheel while I mused over what to do. He had made the move and come into the shop and left his address for me to get in touch if I wanted to talk.

What if he wasn't in? Would I really find it in me to come back here? No, I wasn't going to play the run around with him. If he wasn't in then....... I thought for a second, I could leave my number and leave it with him. At least that way I wouldn't have to go running all over the place, looking for him. I flicked down the side compartment in my car and ripped a piece of paper off an envelope. I scribbled my number down with my name and put it in my pocket. I took a few deep breaths before getting out of the car and walking towards the main doors of the apartment building.

Walking through the main doors I felt sick with nerves. Why was I doing this? I know I wanted to get all of the information from him that I could. I wanted to find out why he left me the way he had, but I still felt sick over the sheer thought of it. I had and still do love him, he was my everything, yet he hurt me so bad, worse than anything I had ever felt in my life. I felt like I was walking into the devil's playpen by coming here, putting myself on the line just to get hurt again. What if he just wanted me to show up so he could just laugh at the pathetic mess I was by coming to see him? Was I showing just how much I still cared and just how bothered I was by coming here? Was I showing too much of myself when I had said I didn't care? Was it all a trick?

I took the stairs to his level; needing the extra time to relax, or try to at least. I had to try and not show just how much I was hurting, or how much I still cared. I needed to freeze my feelings on the outside. It was so much easier to do this when I saw him by chance, but being left to think about coming here, thinking about seeing him, my little act wasn't working.

As I reached his floor and headed towards his door, my palms were sweating slightly. I wiped them on my jeans trying to remove the moisture that was there. My eyes caught sight of his door and my breathing picked up even more. I kept going, walking towards his door, even though everything in me wanted me to stop. My muscles felt weak, as though all my energy had suddenly disappeared into thin air. The knot in my stomach got even tighter as I stood outside his door. _Take a deep breath, and relax, remember you hate him; this is just for closure, nothing more. _I told myself, trouble was, I wasn't really believing it.

As I took a deep breath my fist clenched and tapped on his door. I waited. Nothing, so I tapped again, my heart rate was all over the place, waiting and wanting him to open the door. Soon though, I came to the realization that Jasper wasn't in.

Taking the paper out of my pocket I slid it under his door, a feeling hit me, one that I wasn't expecting. I was overcome with a sense of grief, a sense of loss; my heart plummeted, crashing into the pit of my stomach. I was gutted that he wasn't there! I was outraged at my sudden sense of awareness. Yes, I wanted to talk to him and find out the things that had haunted me for the past ten years, but I wasn't expecting to feel this disappointment that I was feeling now. I wasn't expecting to feel my heart hit and smash at the pit of my stomach all because I had wanted to see him. This wasn't meant to happen.

I left the building and headed back to my car, fighting the urge to either break something or cry. I wasn't going to cry over what had happened. I shed enough tears over him in the past. How could he still have this big of an effect on me? To feel such disappointment and pain because he wasn't in, I had allowed him to have this effect on me, by coming here I had allowed him to control my feelings for him. I was enraged by the sudden betrayal of my emotions; I needed to blow off some stream, so I called Emmett.

"Em? You free?"

***********

"Let get me get this straight." He started while holding the punch bag. "You're beating seven bells of shit out of the poor bag because Jasper wasn't in?" He asked as I continued my attack on the bag. The sweat was pouring out of me; my T-shirt clung to my chest as though it was a second layer of skin.

I didn't answer. I continued my work, letting all my frustration, all my anger and pain come flooding out of me. I hadn't worked out like this in a long, long time, not normally going as far as bruising my hands in the process, before I had it all out of my system.

"Bro, stop; come on, that's enough. You're going to hurt yourself if you carry on." He warned. I knew he was right. Emmett had seen me extract my pain before and then had to listen to me moan when I hurt myself. I stopped begrudgingly but was really glad I had. I could already feel my hands beginning to hurt from the force I was using. I walked over to the wall and slid down, resting my head against it. My breathing was hard and ragged as I pulled the gloves off. Emmett followed handing me a bottle of water which I quickly downed.

"So....." Emmett started as he sat down next to me. "Are you going to go back?" I shook my head. "Ed, you still love him." I shot him a look; he rolled his eyes at me. "You do, why else would you be here trying to punch that bag into the middle of next week? Why else would you work yourself into such a state if you didn't love him anymore?" I hated Emmett sometimes, hated how he seemed to know without me telling him.

"I don't love him." I lied as he chuckled at me.

"Of course you don't! Just who are you trying to fool? He hurt you, I know he did, but I know you still love him. Even now, even though you're undecided between what your heart is telling you and what is in your head. Want my advice?" He asked. I shrugged but Emmett wanted answer.

"You're going to give it me, so...." I waited to be hit by my brother's latest bit of brain power.

"Follow your heart, not your head." I snorted, that was his great advice? I could have called mum and got her to tell me that.

My breathing went back to normal as I calmed myself down, the rage I had felt when I first got here long gone. I felt drained, completely drained, both mentally and physically. I wanted to shower and go home, crawl into my bed and sleep.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" I inwardly cringed at the sound of Mike's voice. _Please don't come over, please don't come over._ I chanted to myself like it was going to work, of course it didn't.

"Mike." I didn't even look up as I spoke. I wanted nothing more than to just forget that Mike was standing there, looking at me with his take me to bed eyes.

"I missed you Friday, you just sort of bailed on me, and I didn't get my birthday fuck." I held back the chuckle by biting my lip. Surely he didn't actually think I was going to fuck him.

"We could always go back to my place and...." He trailed off licking his lips; a cold chill ran up my spine.

"Remember one way? My way?" I asked tilting my head against the wall to look at him.

"I know, but I was just thinking that if you fancied it then we could...." He trailed again. I thought for a minute, it had been a while since I last had sex, and Mike was better than picking up some random guy in a club.

"Sure." I was aware of my brother's face, his jaw hitting the floor as he looked at me. We had just been talking about Jasper after all. "Let me shower first, okay, I'll see you at your place?" I asked slowly walking off the floor.

"Great, see you then." His excitement never failed to make me feel sick. Maybe if I drank a bottle of vodka, I might get the urge to fuck him.

"Just what are you doing?" Emmett asked me almost outraged, his nostril's flared at me as I smirked.

"Getting laid, what does it look like?" I asked making my way towards the lockers, Emmett by my side. Was it so hard to believe that I actually wanted to get laid?

"I can see that, but what about Jasper?" He asked as we walked into the locker room. I rolled my eyes at him; my little act was well and truly back in play.

"What about him? Emmett, me and Jasper are over, we have been for the last ten years, and his sudden reappearance doesn't change that fact." I opened the locker room door and turned my phone on, waiting for it to come to life.

"But....." He started and stopped, he looked at me with utter disgust. "If you want to go and fuck Mike then go ahead, maybe Mike can fuck your love for Jasper out of you." He seethed at me. I almost laughed, almost. I liked having my teeth.

"Since when do you care about my arrangement with Mike?" I asked him crossing my arms over my chest.

"Since the love of your life has walked back into it. Don't do anything stupid, just go home. Don't shower here, go home and stay away from Mike." He practically growled at me. I turned my head away from him, and started to sulk.

Yes, my brother was right. As much as it pained me to admit it, he was right about the whole thing. My mind was filled with Jasper since he had walked back into my life and going off with Mike was just a way to block out my thoughts, or more to the point, pretend it was Jasper underneath me.

"Fine!" I snapped back. I knew I would only feel like crap if I went with Mike and I would regret it. I always did. Mike had this thing of not leaving me alone for a few days afterwards, which really pissed me off.

"Good, glad you're choosing to listen to your older, smarter and better looking brother." He smirked.

"Older? Yes. Smarter? That's debatable. Better looking? You wish." I grabbed my bag and flung it over my shoulder. "I'll see you later, Em."

"Don't go to Mike's. Don't make me come and kick your ass." He threatened. I simply shrugged and headed out of the gym.

Arriving back home I fed my babies and took a shower. I don't know if I felt any better for going to his place only to find out he wasn't there. Yes, I was gutted that he wasn't, which shocked me, even more so it shocked me that he still had this effect on me some ten years later. TEN FUCKING YEARS! And I'm still as love sick as I was back then.

How could I still feel this way about him some ten years later? It didn't make sense. We hadn't even so much as exchanged an email in that time, not one phone call, letter or postcard and yet he walks back into my life and everything I ever felt for him comes flooding back to the surface again. I hated it. I hated that he still did this to me, hated that it was all one sided. It had to be all one sided. I couldn't have just left him back then without telling him where I was going, without trying to keep our relationship going. I couldn't have been so heartless and cruel and broke up with him through a letter, a letter that explained nothing. If I had meant anything to him then surely I deserved something a little more than that?

"Buster? Tara? Walkies." I called picking up their leads. They both came running towards me, barking and getting overexcited about going for a walk. Putting them on their leads they both pulled towards the door. I never got this about dogs; they pulled all the way like they wanted to get back making themselves choke in the process.

I headed to the park, letting them off their leads and throwing sticks for them. I loved watching them play and fight over the sticks. Playing catch was one of their favourite games, although I didn't buy them balls to play with or anything like that. It only ended up in pieces by the end of the day, even the unbreakable ones. I suppose they were unbreakable for other dogs, unfortunately a Staffie mouth is designed to destroy anything, including bones. I hated the stigma that these dogs had placed on them. They weren't nasty dogs, in fact they're very loving and affectionate, they loved their creature comforts in life, in reality they were overgrown babies, but very loyal.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I groaned. _Please don't be Mike, please don't be Mike. _I chanted as I pulled it out of my pocket, not recognizing the number that flashed on the caller ID.

"Hello?" I asked, a little unsure as to who it could be.

"_Edward? It's Jasper." _My heart rate picked up. Shit, he was calling. _"Um, I got your number; sorry I wasn't in when you came round."_ He said. I could hear the nerves in his voice.

"That's okay..... So you came to the shop?" I said, mentally cursing myself. _How retarded are you, Cullen?_

"_Yeah."_ He chuckled and my heart skipped a beat at the sound. _"Um, so I take it you want to talk?" _I heard the plea in his voice.

"Yeah..... That was the idea of me coming over." _Oh try not to sound so fucking sarcastic._

"_Point taken." _He fell silent on the phone; neither of us spoke for a few minutes.

"Buster, get out of the bushes." I called to my dog while Tara sat there looking at me.

"_Buster?" _I heard Jasper ask. Fuck, I forgot I was on the phone to him.

"Um yeah, my dog, I've got two of them." _Please don't ask, please don't ask_. I thought to myself. I didn't want to have an idle chit chat with him. "So…" I started, not sure how to play this.

"_Shall we meet up? Um you could come here or....." _He trailed off. I thought for a moment. Where would be the best place for us to talk? Maybe his coming to my place would be better than me going to his. But did I really want him to know where I lived?

"Yeah, when?" I blurted out, sounding way too eager. _For fuck sake, what is your god damn problem? _

"_Um, when are you free next? I'm free most evenings if that's good for you?" _I closed my eyes, hearing his voice, his silent pleas was making me go weak at the knees.

"I don't mind, I don't have much on this week." _Other than pine over you._

"_Um, is Wednesday good for you?" _He asked. I stopped myself from answering right away, giving it a few seconds as if I had to think about it.

"Sure, Wednesday is good for me." I tried not to smile but I failed at it. I was sure that you could hear the smile in my voice.

"_About seven? I could......never mind."_ He stopped, his voice sounded happy that I had agreed to this.

"You could what, Jasper?" I asked wanting to know what he was going to ask.

"_It doesn't matter; it was a silly idea really." _I chuckled down the phone.

"Tell me, Jazz." The words seemed to fall so easy from my mouth like nothing had happened. I had to force myself to remember that a lot had happened and things weren't how they once were.

"_Um... dinner, maybe?" _His voice was nothing more than a whisper. I smiled watching Buster and Tara chasing each other. Could I really have dinner with him? _"It doesn't matter, as I said it was a silly idea really."_

"No, no it wasn't, and yes I would love too." The words fell from my mouth before I could stop them. _Fuck, what I had I just agreed to?_

"_Oh... um okay, so seven then?" _He sounded shocked that I had just agreed to dinner. Honestly, I shocked myself. I wanted to, but I still hated him for everything he had done and had put me through. I guess I could always bail later.

"Yeah, seven is fine." I had two days to decide if I was going to go or not. Of course, even though I contemplated going, I knew I would.

"_Thanks, Edward." _We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I stored his number in my phone almost without even thinking about it, like it was a natural thing. I thought about deleting it but talked myself out of it, I secretly wanted Wednesday to hurry up and get here, and I didn't want to wait around. I wanted to see him now.

Putting the dogs back on their leads I headed home. The dogs continued to pull all the way back to my apartment. I opened a bottle of beer and headed into the bedroom. I stood looking at the top of the wardrobe, looking at the box that sat at the top there. I couldn't believe I had kept it after all these years, I hadn't looked in it for maybe five years or more but I never got rid of it, or moved it.

I pulled it down and dusted off the top. Carrying the shoe box to my bed I sat down and slowly lifted the lid off, my eyes scanning over the contents before I pulled out the photos that were in there. I flicked through them, smiling at some of them; every photo was of Jasper and me, pictures taken at high school, at his house, at mine. We looked happy together and in love, tears started to well in my eyes as I thought back to when these were all taken. How did everything go so wrong? How did we go from being happy and in love, to me being heartbroken?

Looking at the photos was a bad idea, it only reminded me of what we once had, of what I once had and what I haven't got now. I placed the lid back on the box and put it back in its place, telling myself I wouldn't look in there again and that I should just throw it out.

I expected the next few days to drag, but in fact they flew by, no sooner had I made the arrangement than suddenly it was Wednesday itself. I had not mentioned it to anyone, even through Rose had asked me if I had gone back to his place at all. I didn't want the questions to come from her, the whole 'So what are going to do when you get there?' Or the 'So how do you feel about going there?' I didn't want them. It was bad enough working with her constantly asking if I had gone back or spoken to him.

"Spill." Rose said walking into the back of the shop.

"Spill what?" Not looking at her, trying to make out like I didn't know what she was on about.

"Ed, you have had a silly little grin on your face all day, and its only getting bigger as the day goes on so… tell me." She sat down next to me, her eyes staring at me, waiting. I mentally rolled my eyes.

"I don't know what you're on about." I flicked the channel on the TV hoping that someone would come in and get me out of this.

"Bullshit, you know what I'm on about. You don't grin like that, unless you have been laid or are about to… so spill? Is it Jasper? Are you seeing him later?" Her questions continued, thankfully the shop door opened getting me out of answering any questions.

"Sorry Rose, but I've got work to do." I smiled at her as she looked pissed before walking back out into the shop. I don't think I have ever been so pleased to see a costumer in my life.

Rose continued her attack, asking questions whenever she got the chance. Thankfully a nice steady flow of customers continued to fall through the door, stopping her at most of her opportunities. I left work before she did, which only added fuel to the fire of her questions. I knew the next time I saw her I would have to explain. She wouldn't let it drop now, not considering I left work early.

I took a quick shower and changed removing all traces of hair from me. Getting changed I put on a pair of dark blue jeans and black jumper that hugged my muscles nicely. _Was I trying to impress?_ Running a bit of product through my hair, I admired myself in the mirror. _Was I making too much of an effort here?_ I didn't even know if Jasper would bother making an effort. I could turn up to find him in a vest and sweat pants, and then who would look stupid?

Deciding just to go as I was and not change again I picked up my keys and left the apartment. I didn't want to think about what may happen, what might be said, but I couldn't stop the train of thoughts that entered my head. Just what was he going to tell me? Would he actually give me a real reason why he chose to leave a letter instead of just breaking up with me face to face?

The drive to Jasper's apartment had me in total mess of nerves. The closer I got the more my stomach knotted, the harder my heart beat in my chest and the sweatier my palms became. _Fuck!_ _Was he having the same problems as me? _I wondered as I parked in the large car park. I wanted him to at least feel some of what I was feeling, but there was this little voice in my head that just kept telling me he didn't. If he can just leave with a note he isn't going to be feeling nerves now.

I sighed and got out of the car. I took the lift this time instead of the stairs, just wanting to get it over and done with, I thought, or did I just want to hurry up and see him? The thought scared me that maybe my rush was for the latter of the two.

As the lift doors opened onto his floor I took a few deep breaths before heading towards his door. He had been everything to me, could I really sit and listen and not get angry? I had every right to be angry at him after what he had done to me, all those years ago, but I didn't want to blow up at him. I tried telling myself that at least he was making more of an effort about this. He had come to the shop that Saturday twice to see me, came in on the Monday to drop off his address for me and called me back after I left my number at his empty apartment. Maybe this was just as important to him as it was to me.

With that thought in mind I knocked on his front door. I could actually hear my heart beating in my ears as I waited. I heard the click of the lock and the door opened. There stood Jasper, a small smile on his face, a shirt that hugged his body nicely in crisp white and a pair of light blue jeans that, without looking, I could tell hugged his ass nicely. I returned the small smile.

"Jasper." My voice came out a little above a whisper.

"Hey." His voice matched my own as he held to the door open for me.

* * *

**_So we have moved forward a little more, did we all like this chapter? I know I stopped right there when they met up. It wasn't for suspense really, I did it mainly becuase the chapter had already clocked up over six thousand words and I didn't want to stop half way through there talk._**

**_So next chapter is them talking, and maybe Edward will find out just why Jasper left the way he did. Will Jasper tell all his secrets? Or will he leave Edward guessing?_**

**_Please hit the review button my lovely's, your reviews really do keep me going, and make me sit and write stories over these boys._**

**_Jen x_**


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN/ Thanks for the reviews guys, glad your all enjoying the story, has it been a long week for you all while you waited for this chapter? This week has seemed like one long one to me, looking forward to the christmas break some time off from work.**_

**_Anyway here it is, here's chapter 4!_**

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_**JPOV **_

I paced the living room floor watching as the clock slowly ticked by, the seconds moving so slow that I was sure they had almost stopped altogether. Why it is that time goes so slow when you're waiting? I hadn't decided if the waiting was a good thing or not, with Edward arriving soon I didn't know what I would have to face. Our parting in the coffee shop the other night had left everything torn apart, he was hurt and angry and I understood all of that, but would he be so angry when he gets here?

Talking on the phone to him, arranging tonight, he seemed relaxed, almost like things between us had never taken such a turn. I was hoping that relaxed Edward would turn up tonight and not angry Edward.

Monday night when I came home, the last thing I expected to see pushed through my front door was his number. Even though I had gone to his shop that morning, dropping my address off for him in case he ever wanted to talk never, in my wildest dreams, thought that Edward would have turned up here looking for me, leaving me his number to call him.

Did that mean he stills care for me, the way I still care for him? I want nothing more than his forgiveness, nothing more than for us to sort it all out and hopefully get back together. I won't lie and say that I was not hoping that tonight might lead us a step in the right direction, but I know..... I know I have so much to make up for, so much hurt and pain to undo. I know I don't deserve another chance with Edward. I don't deserve to have and feel his love again. Hell, I didn't even know if he was seeing someone or not and tonight was just closure for him. If that is to be the case I wouldn't stand in his way. I was not worthy enough to have him again, not after leaving the way I did.

I heard a light tapping on the door and I jumped. He was here and he was early… fuck! Why was I so nervous about him being here early? It's not like I have done anything but walk the god damn floor for the last half an hour. _Get it the fuck together and answer the fucking door, moron. _I walked to the door with shaking hands. How should I greet him? Hug him? A hand shake? A smile? I had no idea how I was meant to greet him. We knew each other well, intimately, and we had been best friends, so how the hell do you greet someone with whom you have so much history?

I opened the door to see him. His jumper hugged tightly around his muscles; my eyes drank in the sight of him as I smiled softly at him. Fuck, he looked good. I could feel the sight of him heading right towards my dick as he spoke.

"Jasper." His voice, nothing more than a gentle whisper, made my dick twitch.

"Hey." I whispered back seeing the small smile on his face. I opened the door wider, holding it so he could come in.

My eyes fell right to his ass as he walked past me. I hadn't planned on looking, but it was as though I had no control over my body. I closed the door behind us as he looked around my living room. His green eyes met mine, a shy smile on his lips. I had to admit this was a little awkward for us both. I wasn't sure who felt more uncomfortable, me or him?

"Nice place, you been back long?" He asked sitting down on the sofa looking at me. I smiled weakly and moved towards the kitchen.

"You want a beer?" I asked as I left the living room, calling from the kitchen. I needed to calm myself down. My heart was pounding in my chest. After all these years Edward was there, right there, in my fucking living room, waiting for me to give him answers. The love of my fucking life was in my apartment.

"Yeah." He called back as I stuck my head in the fridge in some desperate attempt to cool off. I was sweaty like a bitch in heat.

Pulling out two bottles I popped the caps off and headed back into the living room. As I handed him one I contemplated where to sit myself. Should I sit next to him on the sofa, or sit in the chair? My mind was working overtime, knowing I was running out time and starting to look like an idiot just standing there. He cocked an eyebrow looking at me, clearly wondering what I was doing. _FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! Just sit the fuck down for fuck sake._ I cursed myself for being such a mental fucking retard and sat down next to him. He smiled softly taking a swig of his beer.

"Um... I've been back about a month, or so. My brother found the apartment for me, you remember James?" I asked. He chuckled and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I remember James. How is he? I take it he came back then after his round trip of girls." I noticed him relaxing a little as the tension in the air lifted away from us.

"Yeah, he's been back a few years now, all settled down to some chick. He was the one that told me about the barber shop you have." I grinned a little, but realized it was too much and regretted it when I saw his expression change. "I guess I should start explaining." He nodded his head at me and took another swig of his beer.

"I'm not really interested in where you went to. I just want to know why you left the way you did. Why I meant so little to you, Jasper? I thought you loved me." His final words came out as nothing but a whisper as I heard his voice shake slightly. I took a deep breath and looked at the man I had loved so much and the man I still loved.

"I did love you, and I never thought little of you. I made a mistake by leaving the way I did, I know that. But at the time I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I couldn't bring myself to think that if I told you then, then the last few weeks we had together wouldn't have happened." I took a large drink of my beer.

"Edward, I was scared of telling you. I never thought I would fall so hard at such a young age. I watched as our friends broke up with their girlfriends a few weeks before they left for college, I didn't want that between you and me. I wanted every last minute, every last second I had to be with you, enjoying all our time together. I did what I thought was right. It hurt to keep it from you, to walk up your drive in the early hours of the morning and leave you that letter. Fuck, it broke my fucking heart writing it, tore a hole through me. I was left empty, Edward..... You weren't the only one that suffered." My lip trembled slightly as I battled for control of my emotions. I was digging up everything; all the buried feelings and pain were coming up, back to life and crashing through me.

"You caused it, Jasper. How do you know I would have broken up with you? I had told you that us going off to college wouldn't change a thing between us, that we would find a way to make it work. So why? Why didn't you just tell me?" I could see the pain in his eyes from our past, his pain matching my own. I so desperately wanted to touch him, to comfort him and rid him of the pain I had caused.

"Because I knew your views on it. I once brought up the subject, looking to see how you would react, working to see your reaction. After that I knew I couldn't tell you." He looked at me confused; I was talking in riddles to him. He snorted and shook his head.

"My views on what, Jasper? I have a lot of views on a lot of things. I shared most of them with you, and so this 'view' you're on about could be one of a million of them." His voice was slightly angered at me for my riddle talk. I twisted myself on the sofa placing my back in the corner and pulling my foot under my knee.

"It was already planned. My place was booked long before I fell in love with you, long before I realised that I liked men as well as women. I was never forced into it. I wanted it, and I dreamed of it. I was hungry for it. My family expected me to go on and follow my dreams, but I knew I couldn't have you and it at the same time, you hated it. I remember us talking about it and you said it was for single people or people who didn't give a shit about their partners, wives or lovers. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know, but I knew I would lose you if I did. To me that pain was harder than the pain I felt by not telling you and going." I sighed as Edward's dead eyes looked back me.

"Riddles Jasper." He said necking his beer and placing the empty bottle on the coffee table. "Just tell me where the fuck you went!" He snapped.

"I joined the Marines." I grumbled out. His face fell and he blinked a few times, the words processing in his mind before he looked at me.

"You mean to tell me you fucked off and joined the Marines and didn't tell me because I thought that the men that joined them should be single?" He growled at me. I nodded my head, his nostrils flared at me.

"I couldn't have you and be a Marine." I mumbled crossing my arms over my chest, sulking. "I wanted it, Edward. I wanted to follow my dreams, but I couldn't have both. It was impossible."

"Bullshit, Jasper! I fucking loved you. I would have stuck by you if that's what you wanted to do. You should have told me! Just because that was my view when you mentioned it, doesn't mean I wouldn't have let you go. Jesus Jasper, you put me through all that fucking pain because you thought I would be finished with you? Did it never fucking register in your head that I loved you? That I wanted us for life?" He shouted resting his elbows on his knees.

"Edward, you don't get it. You don't realise that if you're into men in the Marines, you're a fucking dead man. How could I have you? I would have been fucked if they knew about that side of my life. It's straight or nothing else." He sighed running his hand through his hair as he closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the sofa. Without thinking my hand reached out and softly touched his neck, his eyes shot open and he looked at me, the hurt and pain still there in his soft green eyes.

"I never meant to hurt you, Edward. I couldn't find a way to have you and be a Marine. One had to give and I choose my career. Maybe it was the wrong choice; maybe I should have refused to go and stayed with you. I was eighteen and thought I knew what was best. I knew nothing and just caused more pain than I could stand. I'm sorry." My hand was still resting on his neck, he had made no attempt to move it and neither had I.

"You broke my heart, Jasper, my trust. I have never trusted anyone since you, and I keep everyone at a safe distance where I won't get hurt. You caused this. Did you ever think that what you were doing would impact my life to such a degree that I can't trust a single partner? That I hold back and stab them in the back before they can do it to me?" I looked down pulling my hand away from his neck.

I had never thought that my actions would leave such an impact on him, that his trust in relationships would just be completely broken. I knew his trust in me would have been shattered, but in men in general? I closed my eyes, how stupid had I been to think that maybe we could sort this out and pick up from where we left off. How foolish was I to think that I hadn't done more damage than I allowed to myself to think?

"Jasper." His voice whispered to me, musical tones drifting towards me in the air that fell from his lips. I slowly opened my tear filled eyes to see him looking intently at me.

"I'm sorry, Edward; you don't know how sorry I am." I whispered out turning my eyes away from him. I couldn't bear the hurt I was seeing in his eyes, the hurt and pain I had put there.

"What happened when you where there?" He asked his tone so much lighter now than it had been. I rubbed my face and wiped my eyes before the tears could fall.

"You want to know?" I asked, shocked that he would want to know that. I hadn't thought about him maybe wanting to hear about my career as a Marine.

"Yes, if you don't mind sharing it with me." I stood up and headed into the kitchen as I needed another drink. Pulling out two bottles of beer from the fridge I took a deep breath. He hadn't left yet, he had shouted at me, but I guess I did deserve that, but he was still here, still with me.

I walked back in and handed him another beer, figuring we both needed one. He smiled softly and took it from me bringing it to his full plump lips that I had loved the feel of against my own. I sat down and looked at the floor wondering if I should tell him or just show him. I needed to clear some shit off my chest before that so I took a deep breath and looked at him. His eyes were slightly alive as though he was getting more comfortable being back here with me. I wondered if this was just closure for him, or if he wanted me still, like I wanted him.

"I'll tell you in a minute, but I want to clear a few things off my chest first, if that's okay?" I shyly looked at him through my lashes. I couldn't handle looking full on at his face, if he said no then it would crush me, it was safer this way.

"Go on." He didn't look at me as he spoke. I wondered if that was because he couldn't look at me or if he just wasn't that interested.

"It pained me when I left, the words in that letter, the suffering I caused not just to myself but to you also. I never stopped thinking about you. Never. Even though it was ten years ago I still hold you in my heart." I looked at him. His eyes were closed listening to me so I continued.

"I know I fucked up with the way I left and I know that you more than likely have moved on, but I still love you, I never stopped. And even though any chance of me and you getting back together are long gone, I would like us to at least be friends. I know I don't even deserve that much from you, but it's all I know I can ask for. I hurt you, I broke you and I destroyed you in love. I never meant to do that. I never wanted you to feel as though you meant nothing to me. Edward, you meant the world and more to me, and you still do. I know how this sounds, I walk back into your life ten years later and tell you that I still love you and I expect you to laugh and not believe me, but it's true, every word of it. I'll do whatever it takes for you trust me again, even if it's only as a friend." I heard him sigh, but he said nothing. I looked over to him, his eyes were still closed as he sucked in a few deep breaths before he turned and looked at me.

"Jazz...... I don't know. How do I know that all of this is the truth, that it's not all just lies? I pined over you for so long. I guess in some ways, I still do. But you and me? Now? I don't know if I could do that; if I could allow myself to walk back into this again, after all the hurt and pain you put me through. There's so much to work through." He sighed, I swear I saw love flash through his eyes, but I knew I was kidding myself. I knew there was no hope of us ever coming together.

"Do you still feel it?" I asked without thinking. _Fuck, I've already laid my heart out on the table I may as well ask._

"Do I still feel the buzz floating between the two of us being so close to you? Do I still have my heart in a flutter feeling, the heat radiate off your skin? If that's what you're asking then yes, I still feel it." He turned his self more to me. I watched as the muscles in his stomach pull against his jumper.

"Me too, isn't that worth fighting for?" Was I playing with his emotions for a second chance? _Yes, I fucking well was, anything was worth a shot right now._

There were so many things I wanted to say; things that had happened in my life in the last ten years, and I wanted him to share those things with me. Leaving Edward was one of the biggest regrets of my life. If I could turn back time and go back, change the choices I made, change the way it went, I would. Looking at Edward staring at me so many emotions ran through his eyes. He could never hide his feelings from me; his eyes always gave him away, that had never changed.

I badly wanted to reach out and touch him, my hands wanted to feel the smooth skin that covered his body. My body ached to feel him pressed closed next to me, to feel the warmth of his skin caressing me, wrapped and rolling over me in waves. I had already pushed my luck by laying my hand on his neck, and even though my body screamed for his touch I held back. I fought against my need to touch him, so I didn't scare him away.

"I don't know." He replied, his confusion so clear in his eyes. His teeth bit and pulled at his bottom lip as he thought. "Jazz, you've brought up a lot of old feelings, feelings that were long ago forgotten about, or so I thought." He picked up his beer and looked at me for a fraction of a second. His fingers touched the back of my hand lightly, almost not touching at all. My skin burst into flames, the heat shot up through me, crashing through my body at a hundred miles an hour.

"Edward..." I closed my eyes as his name left my lips in a whisper. I had missed his soft touch, his skin on mine. Everything crashed into my mind, all our past, all the times we had shared raced through me.

"I still love you..... I just don't know if I can do this again, if I could risk the hurt once more." He looked at me his eyes awash with tears that threatened to fall at any second. His lip trembled slightly before he bit it.

"Please.... I'm not asking to rush anything. I know I have so much to work for, so much to gain back from you, to gain your trust once more in me.... please." I never thought I would beg for him, never thought I would ever find myself in a place where I could. But now he was here, with me, within my reach, I couldn't let him go without trying.

"You know you're going to have to work for this..... if this is really what you want?" He asked me, his eyes softening as the tears still hung in his lids.

"I want you, and I'll do what it takes." He closed his eyes and muttered something I didn't really catch, something about 'not believing this.' "Let me try.... please? Little steps, dates, getting know each other again. Let me try and win your heart back. Let me try and gain your trust again. Let me try and undo the damage I caused." The tears fell from my eyes; I couldn't hold them back anymore. His thumb traced under my eye wiping my tears away.

"One chance, Jazz. Please don't make me regret this." I soared. I fucking soared into the fucking clouds and into outer space. I smiled softy looking at him. I had so much to work for, so much to undo. He had given me one chance to sort it out, one chance to have him as mine again and whatever it took, I would do.

"Dinner?" I asked, remembering that I had invited him over here for dinner as well. He smiled and nodded. I had already sorted dinner out, it just needed to go into the oven to cook. This should have been the time for me to get up and put it in the oven, but instead I just sat there looking at him, seeing the doubt and confusion in his eyes, seeing the hurt and pain and distrust hiding in the background of his green orbs. I hated it. Hated knowing that the Edward I had once had, the Edward who I had once loved, had been left broken, by me.

I wanted to move closer to him, to feel his lips against mine, to be able to run my fingers through his hair, to hold in my arms, but I knew I couldn't do any of that. My one chance meant taking things slow, not rushing anything, not pushing him. I had to earn everything back, install all the trust again to have him as mine.

"Jazz?" Edward's voice snapped me out of my thoughts and back into reality. His eyes stared at me watching everything I was doing. "I thought you were making dinner?" He asked and I nodded pulling myself away from the sofa

Fumbling with the pasta bake I pushed it into the oven setting the heat and closing the door. As I stood up I backed into Edward. I gasped not realising he was there. I hadn't heard him follow me into the kitchen nor had I sensed him behind me. My heart slammed into my throat tightening around it, my mouth suddenly became dry as I turned my body around to face him, he was just inches away from me. I could feel his breath fan my face as his lips twitched into a small gentle smile and his eyes were soft as he looked at my face. His fingers moved forward and touched my face gently trailing across my cheek.

My skin burned under his touch as he moved his fingertips across my jaw and he bit his bottom lip as though a thousand thoughts were running through his mind. _What was he thinking?_ I would give anything to know what was going on inside his head. The doubt that screamed in his eyes scared me. It was as though he doubted every action he was taking right now; everything that consisted of me, he doubted. I understood that. I didn't expect him to forgive me instantly and shower me with love yet. I wanted so badly to remove the doubt that sat in his eyes.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me, Jasper? No secrets, please." His voice whispered at me and shook slightly as he spoke. "If this is going to work there can't be anything we're hiding in the closet." I closed my eyes for a second, thinking. Of course there were thing I needed to tell him, as I was sure there were things he needed to tell me, but right now wasn't the time.

His hand rested at the base of my throat, holding it so lightly, so gently. My hand overlapped his as I ran my thumb over his knuckles, relishing in the feeling of our hands touching, our skin touching. My body had never forgotten his touch; it felt so normal, so right, as though it should always be there.

"Nothing." I whispered out. His hand pulled away from my neck, my skin felt cold, it missed the feel of his hand on me. I didn't want to whimper at the loss of his touch but it came anyway. A slight squeak left my lips making him chuckle and making me feel weak. He smiled and pressed his back against the countertop bringing his beer to his lips and taking a drink.

"So your career? Are you going to tell me?" He asked while his thumbnail picked at the label on the bottle looking at me. I nodded and headed back into the living room waiting for him to join me again. Watching as he walked back and sat down I pulled my sock off my foot and rested it on the table in front of me, pulling the hem of my jean leg up to show him the scar that now sat there. The big red dented scar on one side and the long red line on the other.

"That is what happened." He looked at it moving closer to my ankle by dropping to his knees. His fingers carefully touched the scar before looking at me.

"How did it happen?" He whispered, his breath fanning across my ankle sent goose bumps all over my skin. I gasped as I felt his lips kiss the scar.

"My ankle was shattered. I was shot, and the bullet went straight through, breaking apart my bone at the same time. I've got metal plates in there, keeping my ankle in one piece." He touched it again, his fingertips running over the scar again and again. "I was in Afghanistan; it was my third year in the Marines, my fourth tour in Afghanistan. I was in charge of leading a squad through the town, it was well known for roadside bombers and snipers. No one liked going through there, it was eerie. It just smelt of danger." I looked down at him as he continued to touch my scar.

"It was our turn to sweep the town, creeping through, armed, locked and loaded. We were about a third of the way through the town when we came under fire. We took cover as we fired, everything happened so fast. You kind of go into auto mode, you're not thinking, you're just doing it. Everyone is screaming things left, right, and centre as we took hit after hit. It was coming from all angles; we called in for backup and struggled to hold our ground. I remember spotting one sniper on the roof of a building and I locked in to shoot. As I fired, the pain shot through my ankle and that marked the end of my field career." He looked up at me, his hand resting on my ankle.

"Shit, what did you do after you came out of hospital?" His back rested against the coffee table pulling my foot to his chest as he continued to trace patterns on my ankle.

"I stayed in the Marines for a few years… well, until last year actually. I went to work in IT, before finally leaving and setting up my own business. I now design and make websites, it's good money and I can more or less pick my own working hours, though some of the clients I have to deal with are a pain." He chuckled at me and my heart skipped a beat. It was so nice to hear him chuckle again, that beautiful sound falling from his lips, and I couldn't stop the sound from heading right towards my dick.

"The joys of the public." He smiled. "Would you have come looking for me if we hadn't bumped into one another at the club?" I sighed and rested my head against the sofa.

I knew he would ask this question, but did I really want to answer it honestly and tell him that I wouldn't have, or as far as I know I wouldn't have. I didn't want my answer to push things the other way. We weren't what you would call 'back together' yet. We were just trying to sort everything out, letting me earn his trust and love once again. Would my answer make him regret giving me this chance? Bring even more doubt into those gorgeous green eyes?

"No, I don't think I would have. I can't say for sure." I watched as he turned his head away from me, the disappointment clear.

"Oh." He whispered out as my stomach knotted and became uneasy, and my heart drummed loudly in my chest.

"Edward, I was worried that me coming looking for you would just result in you rejecting me. I didn't want to face that hurt again. But seeing you in that club, I had to come and see you, I had to try. I don't know if, over time, I would have found the courage to come looking for you and see where the land lied. I have no way of knowing. What I do know is that fate brought me and you to that club that night, there was no chance or luck in it. It was fate. How was I supposed to know you would be there?" I sucked in a deep breath as his jade green eyes looked at me. I leaned forward and bent my knee, cupping his cheek with my hand. He leaned into the touch as my thumb stroked his skin.

"There are many things I wish I hadn't done and many things I wished I had. I wish I had gotten in touch sooner and mostly I wish I had never left you in the first place, but I can't change what is now done. All I can do is to try and undo my mistakes and heal the damage I've created. We've been through a lot in one night. I don't want to dwell on the past, let's leave it alone for tonight and come back to it. We have time after all, don't we?" His head turned and he kissed the palm of my hand. How I wanted to bring his lips to mine, but I knew a kiss on the lips wouldn't sort this out. It wouldn't make everything all right again.

"We do. Shall we have dinner?" He asked pulling my hand away from his face and linking our fingers together. I relished in the warm fuzzy feelings that ran through me.

My body knew I was home, knew that Edward was made just for me. How stupid was I to walk away from my home, walk away from the man that was made for me? No other man or woman had ever compared to Edward. No one else could make me feel the things he could. Some people never find this sort of feeling in their whole life, yet I had walked away from it, walked away from everything I ever needed. I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.

Throughout dinner we chatted about our lives. He told me about the shop he had, the people he worked with, his family. I told him more about my career and how much I had enjoyed being out in the field and how gutted I was when I had to come out of it. I told him more about my business and how I wouldn't mind designing a website for him. Our evening passed by so fast, I didn't want it to end. I didn't want him to leave just yet, but we both had to be up early. I craved more of his touch. I wanted to be closer. I was desperate to cuddle up with him as we talked, but didn't have the nerve in case it might be too much. Instead I made do with holding his hand until it was time to leave.

"So... um." I started, scratching the back of my head. "Saturday, maybe we could catch a movie if you wanted to?" _Please say yes, please say yes. _I chanted to myself waiting for him to answer me.

"I'd love too." I grinned stupidly at him, unable to hide the excitement in me, knowing that we had a date. "Give me a call and we will sort it out." I nodded at him. I needed to find my fucking voice and fast.

"Thanks for coming tonight." _Did that sound retarded? We had just decided to try again and I was saying thank you for coming. What the fuck?_ I mentally slapped myself for being so fucking retarded.

"I'm glad I came." His hand cupped my face catching me off guard. Suddenly his lips were on mine giving me a soft cherishing kiss that sent my heart rate sky high. "I'll see you Saturday, Jazz." He smiled and walked out of the door turning towards me to flash a beautiful smile at me.

"Saturday it is." I answered smiling and watching him leave as he headed for the lifts.

Once he was out of sight I closed the door and rested my head against it, bringing my fingers to my lips still feeling them tingle. I had a date on Saturday with Edward! The evening had gone better than expected, better than I ever thought it would. I wouldn't fuck this up. I would earn his trust back, earn his love again. If it took me months or even years to do, I would do it.

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**_Aww the boys have talked and are going to try and work through it all, who's happy?_**

**_Was everything laid out on the table? Did Jasper explain everything? I guess time will tell._**

**_Anyway my lovely readers please could you hit the review button for me and send me some love, Jen x_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN/ Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, glad you all liked it. God it seems like forever since I updated this story, well this could be the last update of the year. I dont know if I will be able to fit one in before New Year so sorry if I cant.**_

**_Santa has come early with this maybe being the last update for a while so I hope you enjoy the little gift I have left you all._**

**_Here's chapter 5!_**

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_**EPOV**_

I was in a blissful state of happiness, covered up in warm blanket of comfort and love. The smile was on my face the moment I woke up. I think it had stayed all night long as I came home on a cloud of wonderful peace and joy. My heart filled and exploded in my chest letting its contents spill out, allowing it to run through my veins and warm every part of me, fix all the cracks and tears, heal the old wounds that still hung around. All the feelings I had ever felt before were back, making everything in my life seem so much better. My lips still tingled from the kiss we had shared. My fingers still burned from rubbing his scar. I was completely and utterly in love with him again.

But I was all too well aware that I was running ahead of myself. A self-imposed reality check had made me sit and actually think about it all, the whole night from start to finish, from tempers flaring to kissing on the doorstep. I sat my ass down and really thought about it, and when I did, the wonderful feeling of clouds, rainbows and bunnies disappeared.

The amazing thing about leaving late last night was that I didn't think. I came home and went to bed. My mind never had the chance to actually think about everything until I woke up and remembered the night before, and once I did, I was pretty well pissed off.

He had left me high and fucking dry with a note. It couldn't be classified as a letter as there were so few words on there. A note and broken heart so he could go and play fucking solider! What the fucking hell fire was that all about? My fucking views on it haven't changed, it is a selfish job. Don't get me wrong, they do an amazing job and all of that fighting wars and risking their lives, but seriously it is selfish. If you think about it you're away for weeks, months on end, before coming back and going back out again. You don't see your partner, wife or lover. If you have children then they're pretty much going to grow up without a daddy. So because of my fucking view he didn't tell me? He didn't bother to actually give me the reason just because I didn't approve of it. It's fucking bullshit! He doesn't know that I wouldn't have stood by him while he went off to play with his toys in a sandpit, firing bullets at some other twats that wanted to play in the fucking sandpit. Thing is, I would have stood by him; I loved him that much. I would have pushed my own thoughts and beliefs aside just so I could stay with him. Isn't that what a relationship is about? You stand by each other either when you may not agree with their choice; you stay with them and support them through it. Well this is what I always thought a relationship was about; Jasper clearly had a different view.

His claim that he couldn't have both I found to be a poor excuse. I don't know if this is true or not, if there is such a thing as having to "keep it under wraps" in the Marines. Surely in this day and age things are a little different? Keeping track of how the Marines actually handle homosexuals wasn't something I had done, so I wouldn't know.

I could pick it apart forevermore. Argue the fact that despite what I thought I would have stayed by his side, but it won't change what is done, would it? I guess you could say that he was slightly smarter than most eighteen year olds, most wouldn't put their career before their relationship because, let's face it, at that age you think it's for life and nothing will change. It doesn't really matter, it's done and dusted. He made his choice back then and seems as though he is actually sorry and realises just what he did.

When he asked for that chance, my world went into a spin. Yes, I still cared for him, and yes I still felt the sparks between us, but could I really do this again, risk the heartache once more? The words came out before I could even stop them, before I could actually stop myself from falling all over again. I agreed to give him a second chance. There wasn't anything else I really wanted in my life other than Jasper, even after ten years I still wanted him. No one actually compared to him, everyone, every guy I had ever met or dated was compared to him and none of them even came close. Could Jasper actually repair the damage he had done and make me trust him again? Make it so I could actually give myself, all of myself, over to him and leaving me open as I once did? I didn't know. There was no way of knowing if Jasper could actually undo all the pain and heartache he had caused, undo all the mistrust he had placed inside of me that I took forward into my adult life. I wanted to believe that he would actually heal everything, that I wasn't just going to get burned again by him. I wouldn't be able to withstand it again. Not after the last time.

He had so much work to do, so much of my trust to try and earn back. I wanted to switch back to how we were before, wanted to wipe out all the last ten years as though it was nothing, but I knew you couldn't brush over the problem, it will only make it worse. Jasper needed to solve the problem and earn my trust. I needed to be able to let go and actually trust him with my heart again, if I actually could. I knew I loved him still. My heart did and forever will beat solely for him and no one else. My body ached for him and only him, and I would forever be bound to him. I was willing to try and make this work again, willing to try and put the past behind us and give him the chance to make it up.

There was no denying I wasn't happy about our date on Saturday. I was without a doubt happy as fucking anything that we were going out. To be honest, the whole going to catch a movie wasn't really what I wanted to do. I had other ideas about what I wanted on Saturday.

I strolled into work Thursday morning with a smile on my face and a happy mood in tow. Of course Rosalie was waiting in the wings, ready to strike the moment I entered the shop wanting to know all the details of last night. _Why was she here anyway? Isn't she meant to be off today?_

"You got laid, didn't you? So come on, who was it? Do I know? Was it Jasper? It was, wasn't it? Ha-ha, I knew it. So come on then, tell me, tell me, tell me! I want details and loads of them. You can leave out the sex part, I don't really want to know that, but I want the rest. Did he grovel? Get down on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness and then did he sweep you up off your feet and you made love all night long? Did he pour his........?" I had to cut her off.

"Rose, calm it. Jesus, it's not some chick flick. Yes, I saw Jasper last night. Yes, we talked. We sorted a few things out and we're going out on Saturday and no, we didn't fuck, happy now?" I smiled walking past her and into the staff room to grab a coffee.

"Isn't Thursday meant to be your day off?" She nodded. "Well then, why are you here? And please tell me you're not just here to find out where I went on last night. I don't ask you what you got up to last night, do I?" Rose laughed and jumped up on the side swing, crossing her legs as she went.

"No, you don't, but I'll tell you anyway. I fucked until the early hours of the morning, in millions of different...." I put my hand up cringing slightly.

"I get it. Please, you're married to my brother; I really don't want to know." I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts out. "You know if I ever want to be sick and can't you will be the first person I call." I smirked as she stuck her tongue out at me.

"I'm here for two reasons. One, Emmett wants you to cut his hair later; and two, I wanted details. I have to call your mum and tell her all about it." My head snapped up. No fucking way!

"No, you don't Rose. It's my business. I'll tell mum when I'm ready." The mischievous look in her eyes made me think that maybe this was too late to tell her this.

"You see I spoke to your mum last night. She is fine, by the way. She says it would be nice if her baby called her sometime." I waved my hand away. I would get round to calling home at some point, I just hadn't had the time. "Anyway, I told her all about your date last night. We had a long chat about it, and we both agreed that you had gone to see Jasper. She wasn't impressed by the way." _I'm sure she wasn't._ "And she wants to know how it all went and wants to know if she can kill him?" _Well that saved me the phone call. Thanks a lot, Rose._

"See, this is why I don't call home that often because you're always on the phone telling her everything. Does Emmett actually speak to mum or do both of her children just pass info on through you?" I smirked as she stuck her finger up at me. _I'll take that as a yes then._

"Rose, why aren't you cutting his hair? You are, after all, married to Em. Surely it makes sense for you to do it?" Rose pouted and played with the ends of her hair.

"Em wants to talk to you. You know the whole brotherly advice and stuff. I think he is a little worried about you and what you might do." Charming, I rolled my eyes at her. My family knew more about my business than I wanted them to.

I could almost hear the lecture I will receive from my mother when I next speak to her. My mum had been fond of Jasper, she treated Jasper as though he was her own, and when he left not only did she did deal with her own pain, but mine as well. I couldn't argue with her on this, you protect your children and that's all she was doing now, just protecting me regardless of the fact that I was twenty-eight and could look after myself. I guess in some ways, to her, I'll always be her little boy.

And now Emmett wants a word? What the hell? He was the one who talked me into going, he soon switched sides. Why can't families just stay out of the way and let you do what you want? Why must they suddenly become involved in your life and try and get into your head? I wasn't stupid, but I did want to sort things out with Jasper. Surely that was my choice and whatever I choose to do my family should just support it without the need for little talks.

"Did you know about this? Did you?" Leah called as she came into the shop. Sam, on her tails. I chuckled guessing she had found out about his new tattoo.

"Don't breathe a word man. She is giving me some crap over it." Sam whispered in my ear while Leah continued to quiz Rose.

"She doesn't like it then?" He shook his head and looked at her making sure she wasn't in earshot.

"She hates it. Man, she is threatening my manhood if I get it done. I like my balls. I don't want to lose them. What should I do?" Chuckling I finished off my coffee as Sam's eyes stayed on Leah. I must admit she looked pretty pissed. Right now I wouldn't like to be on the wrong side of her.

"Personally, I would just go and have it done and think 'fuck it'. Once it's there she can't take it away. Besides, she loves you so she will calm down after a few days, but that's just what I would do." He looked at me and pondered what I said.

"You would?" He asked. I laughed unable to keep it in any longer.

"Fuck no, she threatened your balls, don't do anything stupid." Leah appeared next to me, her eyes on fire. I almost felt sorry for Sam and his tattoo idea.

"You better make sure that he doesn't have that tattoo done while I'm not here Edward." She barked at me. Not wanting to piss off Leah anymore than she already was I simply nodded my head at her as she threw death glares at Sam. Feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket I pulled it out and saw the text from Jasper.

"_Did you really come last night or was it just a cruel dream?" _I smiled looking down at the text.

"Nope, no cruel dream, looking forward to Saturday." I texted back shutting off the people around me, having no doubt that the bickering between Sam and Leah would go on for most of the day.

Like some sad lost little puppy I stared at my phone waiting for him to reply. I felt like a teenager staring at the phone waiting for your crush to call. I shouldn't be acting like this. I was now way past puppy dog stage and I knew that people have lives to lead and sometimes they can take time replying back to you. The smile grew wider as my phone vibrated in my hands.

"_Me too, Saturday night seems a long way off for me. I want to see you now." _Nervous excitement twisted in my stomach while I thought about seeing him before Saturday. I did want to see him. Fuck, I wanted to see him tonight not in two nights time.

"It does for me too, what are you doing tonight?" I texted back. Was that being too forward? I couldn't make my mind up on that.

"_Nothing, we can meet up, if you're free?" _Feeling all giddy I replied back before I even thought about it.

"Meet at the shop at six?" As I watched the tick appear next to the sent message I suddenly thought about this plan. I needed to watch myself. I needed him to earn my trust back and not rush into this head on like I was doing now, but everything just felt right. His being back, us arranging to meet up, it seemed so natural.

"_I'll see you tonight x." _The grin on my face didn't go unnoticed. Rosalie was still here and smirking at me, no doubt she would tell Emmett all about this before he even arrived here tonight.

The day seemed to drag on as my eyes kept falling on the clock. I wanted the time to hurry up and move. I wanted six to hurry up and be here. I didn't want to have to wait any longer. I had waited long enough for him. Ten long years my heart had pined over him and now he was here. Despite everything I didn't want to waste anymore time.

There was no trust between us right now as I didn't trust him. I wasn't ready to admit to him all my feelings. I wouldn't be declaring my love for him and leaving myself open like that anytime soon. I would hold back, keep him at arm's length and be protected, but this didn't mean I couldn't have some fun while I was waiting for him to earn it back.

At 5:45 Emmett appeared. I groaned inwardly as he walked in and sat himself down in my chair looking at me through the mirror.

"Come on, Eddie, man-to-man chat." Man–to-man chat? He makes it sound like I was fifteen and needed to tell the dos and don'ts of safe sex.

"Em, it's Edward, not Ed, or Eddie or any other name, but Edward!" Emmett scoffed at me and rolled his eyes. "What do you want?" I asked him throwing the protective cover over him.

"A haircut, what does it look like?" He said sarcastically. I laughed at him, he knew just what I meant by asking him what he was doing here, after all a haircut wasn't his main reason as he was married to Rose.

"Funny." I dug the clippers into the side of his head as I ran the grade up, making Emmett screw his face up. I smiled and continued to press on hard.

"Bro, that hurts, be gentle with my head, it's delicate." I laughed listening to him moan like a child, pulling his head away. Okay if you want to act like a child then.....

"Ow, get off my ear." He moaned at me. I laughed again holding the top of his ear so he wouldn't move. Yeah, I know it's a cruel trick on the kids but it works.

"Keep still then, and tell me why you're here." I was aware of the time ticking closer to six. Jasper would soon be here. A small smile crept across my lips.

"You know why I'm here. Jasper." He flicked his eyebrows up at me. "Dude, you know what you're doing, don't you?" I rolled my eyes at him, I wasn't a child.

"Em, you encouraged me to go see him. Why are you changing your tune now?" Emmett grinned at me while I wet the top part of his head before picking up my scissors.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but dating Jasper again? Bro, he broke your heart. Is this really something you want to do again? I know what I said, but seriously I didn't think you would be stupid enough to get back with him. I thought you wanted closure on it, not another relationship with him." His words stung a bit and cut through me slightly. I pouted a little and sulked over it.

I know what happened before, I was there. I was the one that got hurt and had their heart broken, not him. He just watched the mess that happened after it all ended. I knew what I was doing. I wasn't about to bare everything to Jasper, no matter how I felt. A lot of damage had been done; there were a lot of cracks to repair before I will ever feel truly comfortable with him.

"Thanks." I grumbled out digging the comb across his scalp that little bit harder. "It's nice to have my family support me."

"Bro, it isn't like that. We just don't want to see you get hurt because of him. Look, if you are really going to give it a go with him again you have my full support, you always have. I just don't want to see my soft little brother get his heart smashed again because he was blinded by love. That's all." He turned his head looking at the sides. "Sweet, don't bother with the back, I trust you." I brushed the loose hair off his neck and took the cover off.

"Thanks." I walked over to get the brush to sweep the shop floor again clocking that Emmett was hanging around. "You're waiting, aren't you?" I asked as I cleaned the hair off from around my chair. Emmett nodded and looked at the door.

"I'll go when he gets here, I just want to....." I cut him off before he could continue.

"Oh no, no brotherly warnings, Emmett; just go, please." Begging him to go I prayed to the Gods above that he would take the hint and go, but that wasn't to be. Emmett grinned as the shop door rang open.

I smiled as I saw Jasper walk in. He looked at Emmett and nodded slightly, looking slightly uncomfortable. Bless him. He looked so cute and sweet, all lost and nervous like that. His dark blue eyes met mine and he smiled breathtakingly at me. I was fixed, just staring into his eyes, under some spell he was putting on me. The spell broke when Emmett cleared his throat, and both of us turned and looked at him.

"Emmett was just leaving, weren't you?" I smiled nicely, but cursing him to hurry up and go. Emmett nodded and picked up his things off the side.

"Later, bro. Jasper." He walked closer to Jasper. "Fuck my brother over again and no place on this earth will be safe, you understand?" _Oh for the love of god, this wasn't happening, it wasn't happening to me. _

"Don't worry, Emmett. I have no intention on 'fucking over' as you put it." Jasper stood tall, his shoulders broadening as he spoke to Emmett. _Jesus, he looked sexy as fuck right now_. I was consumed with sheer need as I followed Emmett to the door so I could lock it. The blinds were already pulled down as I pushed Jasper up against the wall making him chuckle.

My lips crashed hard against his as my body's needs took over. Forcing my tongue into his mouth he moaned as his fingers found themselves in my hair pulling me closer to him. His body pushed up tightly against me making me feel all of him. Our lips broke apart needing air, our breathing hard and ragged as we stared into each other's eyes. Jasper's eyes were turning a darker shade of blue by the second, making them almost like black.

"I need you. I need you fucking now." I growled out against his throat as my hands ran up the back of his T-shirt feeling his back muscles under my touch. Fuck, how I had missed the feel of his skin.

"Where?" He asked. I smirked pulling him by the loops on his jeans into the main floor of the shop.

"Over the unit." He smirked licking his lips before crashing them hard against mine.

My hands tugged and pulled at his t-shirt wanting it off. I needed to see him, all of him. Feeling his tight muscles under my touch was good, but looking at them would be even better. Breaking apart our kiss I pulled his shirt off. My eyes saw Jasper's chest again as though it was the first time, drinking him in as if he was about to disappear. Jasper had filled out even more, his muscles were more defined, harder. My eyes fell to the mirror behind him to see his back. Fuck, he was inked. The beautiful pattern ran down his spine. I wondered what it meant, if anything.

"What are you looking at?" He whispered in my ear before nibbling on my lobe causing me to growl out at him. I bit my lips feeling myself coming undone by his simplest touch.

"The ink on your back." He smiled and turned round so I could see it better. "It's beautiful." I whispered as I kissed down his spine making him shudder.

"You have any?" He asked turning back to me and making our lips meet. I pulled back and pulled my shirt off throwing it on the chair next to me. His hand reached out and traced the design on my shoulder and arm before running his hands down my chest stopping at my nipple ring, tugging it slightly making me moan.

"You know, I love metal." He whispered before taking it in his teeth. I was becoming unglued and fast. Grabbing his head I pulled his lips back to mine before pushing him up against the unit. His hands hit it as he tried to steady himself, sending contents flying and hitting the floor. My hands made their way to the waistband of his jeans undoing the button and pulling down the zipper.

He moaned loudly as my hands gripped his aching member. My lips travelled down his neck sucking on all the spots I remembered. Everything came flooding back to me, what he liked, where his soft spots were. I knew his body almost as well as I knew my own; if not better. His hands reached and undid my jeans I shivered, feeling the electrical current run though us like we had never been apart.

"Stay there." I whispered pulling away from him and nipping into the back of the shop, searching through my cupboard until I found what I was looking for. Returning back to a flushed and hot looking Jasper with a condom and small bottle of lube in my hand, he smirked at me and pushed his jeans down, kicking them off at his feet and turning around. His legs spread and his hands rested on the unit. I almost came right then seeing his gorgeous form naked and spread in my shop, over my unit. Removing the remainder of my clothes I kissed down his neck, looking at him through the mirror as I coated my finger and gently ran it over his hole, caressing it before pushing my finger inside. His face twisted up slightly as I pushed in and out of him before adding another finger and scissoring him, stretching him for me. He moaned and bucked his hips back.

"Fuck Eddie, please.... I'm ready." His pleasured cries came out breathlessly. Removing my fingers he whimpered slightly. My eyes stayed fixed on his through the mirror and I ripped the foil packet with my teeth and rolled it down my length, stroking myself a few times to coat it with lube. I gently kissed his neck.

Pushing slowly into him I felt him tighten as I intruded him. He sucked in a few breaths relaxing as I pushed a little more into him. I stilled my movements once fully in, giving him the chance to adjust. I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips from the feeling of being back him inside again. Our eyes stayed locked together as I thrust in and out of him, his face screwed up in pure pleasure as my I picked up my pace. Unable to contain myself I rammed into him harder and faster.

"So... fucking.... tight." I groaned out, grabbing his thigh I pulled it up so his knee could rest on the unit, giving me a new angle to go deeper into him, hitting his sweet spot over and over again. My thrusts were becoming more frantic as I neared the edge of oblivion, fucking him harder and faster. Our cries of pleasure filled the shop as Jasper broke eye contact, his head dropping down as I hit into him like a genetic jackhammer.

"Ed... Fuck.... so.... good." He cried out as his body stilled and shook around me with him shooting his load over the unit. My thrusts didn't give as I continued to hit his sweet spot over and over again making him ride out his orgasm. His muscles clamping down around me brought on my own release.

"Jasper!" I cried out throwing my head back as my body was overcome with pleasure spilling into the condom. My head rested on his back as I sucked in a few breaths calming myself down as Jasper dropped his knee off the side. I lifted my head up to see his love-filled blue eyes looking back me, a gorgeous smile on his lips. I brought my arm around and laid it over the top of his chest holding his shoulder while I rested my chin there, his hand rested on my forearm.

"I've missed you so much." He whispered turning his head to me and giving me a gentle loving kiss. I rested my forehead against his and smiled.

"Missed you too." The emotions caught in my throat. I had missed him, missed him more than I had ever allowed myself to admit. Jasper was, and forever would be, my home. I loved him more than I loved anything else in my life, I just didn't want to admit it yet. I wasn't ready to admit to something like that just yet, even though he knew, he knew how much I loved him and still did, even after ten years.

Grabbing some tissues off the side I pulled out of him holding the base of condom. My body missed his straight away as I binned the condom in the tissues. Pulling my jeans up I watched as his half naked body cleaned up the mess he had made on the unit, his jeans hanging low on his hips. I smirked picking up my t-shirt off the chair.

"So why do you have condoms and lube at work? Or is fucking here one of your past times?" He asked. I laughed and shook my head wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Nope, I've never fucked here until now. There here because of an ex. I had them in my coat pocket and threw them in a drawer, I just never got round to moving them. I'm glad I didn't now." He smiled and kissed me before pulling his tee back on.

"You going to tell me what they mean? The ink? I noticed the one on your hip running to your pelvis." He asked helping me sort the unit out. I had to smile, I would be cutting hair tomorrow and no one would be the wiser.

"The one on my shoulder doesn't really mean much. I changed the design slightly making it more personal. I guess it's a reminder to protect my heart and what I love." His face cringed slightly. "Don't. It was a long time ago, Jazz. The one on my hip is a little personal, I'll tell you sometime. Yours?" I watched as he straightened his hair out to rid it of the 'just fucked' look.

"It's personal, and like yours on your hip I'll tell you sometime, when the time's right." Pulling my jacket on I nodded at Jasper, acknowledging his need for privacy, and then I grabbed my keys.

"Want to meet my babies?" He looked shocked, making me laugh. "My dogs."

"Yeah, what are they?" He asked following me out of the shop and watching as I locked the door.

"Staffies. One bitch, one male. They're three now… called Buster and Tara. Did you drive here?" I asked playing with my car keys. He grinned at me and laced his fingers through mine.

"Nope, I got a taxi. I figured you would have your car and I didn't see the point in following you in mine." My heart started to beat faster feeling the shocks run through me.

My lungs were intoxicated with his scent that filled the car. I felt almost high as his hand rested in mine. We chatted about nothing on the drive back to my place. I loved hearing his voice. I had gone so long thinking that I would never hear it again, thinking that I would never have him again and yet to have him with me once again was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt. I knew that it would be a while until things between us actually got themselves back on track; until he had my trust again. With every small step he took I had to learn to give a little more of my trust to him. It couldn't be all take, I had to give too.

Tugging his hand I led him through the apartment building and towards mine. I was grinning stupidly by the time I reached my door. I was happy, I was complete, the missing part of me was back.

"You don't mind dogs, do you?" I asked as I placed the key in the lock. Jasper chuckled.

"No, I don't mind them. They're not going to bite me or anything, are they?" He looked a little nervous causing me to laugh.

"Lick you to death maybe, but bite you… I doubt it, they're too soft." I pushed the door open as they came running towards us.

Jasper dropped to his knees as Buster and Tara ran to him giving him licks. He fussed them over and over again while they rolled on their backs wanting a belly rub. I laughed watching the scene unfold in front of me.

"I think you have two new friends." I remarked to Jasper as I handed each of the dogs a chew.

"They're gorgeous." Jasper got up off the floor and made his way over to me. "Shall we order something to eat? Don't know about you, but I'm starving." Nodding I headed into the kitchen.

As I opened the fridge door I was aware of Jasper standing behind me before his arms wrapped around my waist. I sighed contentedly as I turned around in his arms and gave him a kiss.

"You won't regret this; you won't regret me or us." He laced our fingers together bringing them up between us and kissing my knuckles. "I know I don't deserve this, but thank you." I rested my forehead against his, smiling.

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**_Did we all like the gift of dirty sex on the unit? I know you all did becuase you all have dirty minds like me :)_**

**_Anyway my little lovelys could you hit the review button and send me some love over the nice bit of humps I wrote for you all?_**

**_I hope you all have a good Christmas and you get all you want, personally I have asked for Edward and Jasper naked with a big red bow around them, hehe._**

**_Jen x_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN/_**_ Hi guys it's been so long since I updated this story, but I'm finally back with another chapter. I'm hoping you guys wont have to wait so long to get another chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I hope yu guys like this chapter it's interesting to say the least._

_**Important notice, please read: **Ok guys I'm writing a one shot for the Haiti Fundraiser, there are a lot of authors who have signed to take part in this, which is all thanks to MsKathy. Donate $5 send your receipts back to us and you get all the stories from over I think 200 authors. I'm not sure what the count is now, more then likely it's more. All the details are in the link below, please check it out and make a donation, after all what is $5? _

**www(dot)mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/01/haiti(dot)html**

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_**JPOV**_

The devilish ache in my lower regions spread a happy warm smile across my face. I rolled onto my back wincing slightly from the activities of last night. _Edward. _His name ran through my thoughts over and over again. I had him back, the long-lost love of my life was now back with me, back in my arms. We were home.

I hadn't opened my eyes yet and looked at the sleeping god next to me, that could wait. This was the best part of waking up next to the person you love, opening your eyes and letting them fall on the beauty that sleeps peacefully next to you. Oh yes, my favourite part will have to wait while I savour everything around me, using my other senses.

The sound of his shallow breathing echoed in my ears, his warm breath hitting my arm every few seconds from his slightly parted lips. The feel of heat ran from my toes up my body warming every inch of me in a wonderful love blanket from his toes touching mine, feeling the soft gentle sparks of electricity run between us as we lay inches apart from one another. I could smell his scent, so strong and musky and all Edward. His scent was intoxicating, it held so many different aromas all mixing together to create his unique wonderful scent. I could lie here for hours, just breathing it in, letting it fill my lungs and stick to the back of my throat. Edward truly was my own personal dessert, my little slice of heaven.

Unable to hold off from looking at him any longer I turned my head to the side feeling the soft warm heat on my face coming in from the window. My eyes opened slowly to see the sleeping god beside me, his silky array of bronze coppery hair was disheveled and hanging slightly in his eyes, his lips parted slightly showing just the tip of his white teeth and the slightest hint of his pink tongue. Almost as though I had no control over my body's actions, my hand came out and touched his face lightly, feeling the amazing smoothness of his skin underneath my fingertips.

My fingers swept across his forehead before running over his eyes and feeling his long dark lashes that cascaded shadows on his cheeks. I bit my lip smiling at the sight in front of me, his nose twitched slightly as my fingers moved along it. He was so beautiful, how had I let him go? Letting my fingers run over his cheeks and down along his chin, I felt the stubble on his chin tickling my fingertips. Lastly, I touched his soft red full lips that were slightly swollen because of me.

I kissed his forehead gently which caused him to stir and murmur but he didn't wake. I slid out of the soft warm bed letting my feet hit the cold wooden floor. I set about collecting my clothes that were scattered all over the floor, pulling my jeans up as I crept out of his room and headed towards the kitchen. Buster and Tara were curled up together asleep in their dog bed, they looked really cute with one another. They both lifted their heads up and looked at me, I smiled and continued on my path towards the kitchen, hearing the faint patter of paws on the wooden floor.

"Okay then, guys, where are your chews kept?" I asked them, mentally slapping myself. For some reason I actually thought they would tell me or at least show me, instead all I got was a few barks and tails wagging.

"Shh guys, you'll wake Edward." I scolded. Finding a packet of chews finally, I handed them one each before flicking on the kettle and getting the coffee ready.

Pulling out my phone I checked the list of messages, two were from James asking where I was and what I was doing. I wondered if the reply "being fucked over a work unit in Edwards barber shop" would be an appropriate response? The thought made me chuckle. Edward would be there today, cutting hair while staring at the unit on which he fucked me. Four of the other messages were from Aro with his latest idea for the website, the thought made my skin crawl. He wanted me to go to the venue and take snapshots one night. _How pervy will that make me feel?_ Pushing the thought aside for now, figuring I'll deal with it later, I listened to the last few of messages. All of them were from Tanya, having a go at me for one thing or another. I inwardly groaned at the thought of having to speak to her again.

As if the bitch had some implant built in her, telling her I was up my phone kicked into life. Her name flashing at me as though it was agreat big neon sign signalled death. I had seen death, I had been in some of the most horrid, horrendous places on this earth, been shot at and been shot, but none of them scared me as much as this bitch did.

"Tanya." I dribbled out, trying to tell her now was not a good time.

"Nice of you to answer your phone, Jasper. You know why I'm calling don't you?" She asked.

"I have an idea... look, Tanya, now is not the time for this. I'm a little busy." She snorted down the phone at me, pushing my short fuse.

"Not the time? This is just you all over isn't it? Everything is more important than her, isn't it?" My fuse just snapped.

"Really? This whole set up is your doing Tanya, do you think I wanted this? Wanted to be kept away and called upon when it suited you? Fuck No! That's you and your fucking family's doing. It's seven in the god damn morning woman, and you're already at me with this shit? What the fuck?" I screamed down the phone before inwardly cursing myself for shouting in Edward's home. I didn't want to wake him.

"My doing? I gave you a choice and you picked this out of the two. Not everything is about you, Jasper. There are more important things than you!" She matched my tone back. God, I hated this woman with a passion.

"A choice is what you call it? It was hardly that? Look, I'm going, I have things to do, call me back when you can actually talk and not shout at me." Not giving her time to answer I ended the call and sighed.

I needed to bring this to Edward's attention and soon. I couldn't hide it from him, not that I wanted too, it was just hard to bring this subject up considering we had only just gotten back together. I didn't want to complicate things by throwing this into the mix. I wanted and needed things between us to be right before I brought this up, I couldn't risk the upset if this went wrong now.

As I rubbed my eyes the kettle clicked bringing a smile to my face. Knowing I would be waking my beautiful lover up with a coffee just the way he liked it, made me blissful. Pouring the water into the mugs I stirred in the milk before placing the spoon in the sink. I carried the mugs into the bedroom trying not to trip over the dogs that seemed to want to walk right under my feet.

I pushed the door open to the bedroom and the dogs jumped on the bed as my sleeping beauty lay there, having rolled onto his stomach. The tattoo on his shoulder blade looked magnificent against his pale skin, the black ink looking amazing. He was a little more tanned than he used to be, but I hadn't caught sight of any tan lines. _I wonder if he tans naked? _I thought to myself as I placed his mug on the side and sat down looking at him. I shook him gently waking him from his sleep, he murmured slightly as his eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning, gorgeous." He smiled half asleep as his eyes ran over me.

"That's a nice sight in the morning. Jazz half naked with jeans undone." He pulled himself up and scratched the top of his head. "Why are you up? Come back to bed." He purred at me tugging at the belt loops on my jeans.

"I wish I could but I have work to do and so do you." He groaned screwing his face up causing me to chuckle.

"We can go in late and it's not like your business won't wait." He waggled his eyebrows at me. It was a tempting offer, one in which I nearly agreed to, but the thought of having to move Aro around wasn't that appealing.

"Babe, if I could, I would, but I have to be somewhere. I have to meet Aro who wants some photos taken for his website. Trust me, being here with you _IS_ more appealing." I kissed his lips before grabbing my T-shirt and pulling it over my head.

"You can take a shower, you know... I don't mind." He took a sip of his coffee trying to look all innocent at me, I chuckled at him pulling my trainers on.

"I'm sure you don't. However, I do believe you have other things in mind if I shower here, so I'll have one at home." His face fell slightly before he tried to cover it up but it was too late, I saw the rejection in his eyes. Bringing my hand to touch his face, he flinched slightly away from me, as all the pain I had once caused him washed in his eyes. "Babe." I stated and stopped, thinking of how to chose my words. "I need to get back to work, the thought of being in the shower with you is......." I couldn't think of the right word. "I wouldn't be able to leave if I stayed." I smiled softly at him wanting him to know that the things from our past I would never do again.

"It's fine, honestly, I'm just.... well I keep thinking you're going to go again, disappear from my life again and leave me with a broken heart to mend once more." How could I have hurt him the way I did back then? He meant so much to me, he was/is one of the most important people in my life.

Lacing my fingers through his I brought his hand to my mouth and kissed his knuckles. "I'll never leave and I'll never break your heart, again." I murmured into his hand. "Your trust I need to earn again and I will, but please try and believe me when I say I love you." His thumbs rubbed against my bottom lip gently until I kissed it.

"I do." He smiled pulling his hand away from me to pick up his mug. He moved in bed getting more comfy as both the dogs were now spread out on the bed asleep. "So I'll see you Saturday then?" He asked and I nodded, downing the rest of my coffee.

"Tomorrow night." I agreed. "I'm sure we can stay apart for that long aren't you?" I asked, moving towards him. That turned out to be a wrong move as he grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me on top of him.

"I don't know about that, I've been without you for so long." He murmured as he kissed my neck. "Stay again Saturday night, please?" As if I could deny him anything, _as if you want to spend another night away from him more like._

"Why don't you come and stay at my place?" Giving him a gentle kiss I pulled away and got off him making him whimper and me chuckle. "I've got to go, babe. I'll call you later, okay?" He sighed and rolled his head to the side resting it on his hand.

"Have fun, I'll see you tomorrow." With one last parting kiss I walked out of his room and out of his apartment.

Not bringing my car last night left me with the option of, A- catching a bus or B- calling a cab. Neither filled me with a great sense of wanting, settling for option B and calling a cab I stood waiting outside his apartment block. If I had been smart I could have gotten him to give me a lift or called a cab from inside, but of course smartness left me when it was silly hours still, my brain lacked coffee to be able to function right.

As the cab finally arrived and took me back home I tried to push away my thoughts of Edward and last night or tomorrow, though truth be told I couldn't wait to see him already. He was like a drug to me, I needed to be around him and with him all the time getting my fix. By the time I arrived home I noticed my brother's car parked in the lot. I groaned as I paid the cab driver knowing I was about to go under the lamp from him. The worst thing I ever agreed to, was him having a key.

Entering my apartment I saw James grinning at me, my laptop sitting on his lap which pissed me off. Why the fuck was he on that? If he has been downloading shit on it again I'll freak.

"What are you doing here? More to the point why do you have my laptop?" He smirked at me and drummed his fingers against the laptop.

"You were with Edward last night, right?" He asked as I took my coat off and ignored his question. "I'll take that as a yes then. Have you told him everything?" I flopped down on the sofa and looked at my brother wondering how the fuck we both come from the same gene pool and ignoring his question?

"Yes." I answered. He raised his eyebrow at me and turned the laptop around to face me, tapping the screen display.

"Have you?" I cringed. Well, I told him most of it, just not all of it. "Jazz, you can't hide this shit from him. If you two are together then you need to tell him this. If he finds out without you telling him..... Jesus, Jasper get your head out of your ass." James shouted at me. I rolled my eyes at him, I really didn't need this shit right now.

"I will! All right? Just not now! Fuck, I've just got him back, his trust level in me is way past zero at the moment, James. If I could just tell him now and know that everything between us will be fine I would do it right now. But fuck! How would you take this? Huh? Ten fucking years after I broke his heart I walk back into his life and get him back, then just days later drop the fucking bombshell that 'Oh, I'm married to a fucking bitch and I have a six year old daughter who lives with her mother, who I can only see when the fucking bitch sees it fit to allow me.' He'll run for the fucking hills." I screamed out at James as he flared his nostrils at me and clenched his fist.

"Yeah, because him finding out from someone else won't cause him to run off either. Have you heard yourself, Jasper? Have you? Yeah, he may be a little shocked to hear you're fucking married.... still, but you need to tell him that you and Tanya are getting divorced and explain about Louise. You can't hide this, Jasper." He slammed his fist against the sofa getting pissed off at me.

"Get the fucking tone out of your voice, James. I'm thinking about Louise here, I can't afford to bring upset into her life. Tanya will never let me see her again."

James just sighed and looked at me. "I never said he had to meet her but you could at least tell him about her, and if Tanya stops allowing you to see her then you take her to fucking court. You have rights! She can't fucking stop you from seeing your own daughter!" I _swear to fucking god I'm going to knock the fucker out in a minute._

"What, and drag her through the fucking courts? Are you insane? I won't risk hurting her like that. You have no fucking clue what this is like for me, you don't have any fucking children. You haven't had to go through the breakup of your fucking marriage only to be told to get fucking away or you won't see your daughter. Don't you dare tell me how I should handle this right now!" My temper flared through me as I spat my words out at my brother.

"Right, so don't fucking tell him, Jazz, and when it blows up in your face don't fucking come running to me." I stood up hearing his words, clenching my fists either side of me. James looked at me and laughed. "You wanna fucking go, Jazz? I'll put you back on your ass so fucking fast you won't know what hit you." My whole body trembled as my rage consumed me.

"Jasper, sit the fuck down, will you? I'm trying to help you. You love him and you want to keep him, don't screw this up, that's all I'm saying." Sighing I sat back down and pulled my hair out of my face. As I thought about the situation I was in, I needed to plan my moves right. Of course I intended to tell him, I just needed to find and plan the right time.

"I know, I'm going to tell him soon, just not yet. I need to make sure that everything between us is moving forward." I defended myself rather weakly to him. There was never going to be a good time to drop this sort of bomb on Edward.

"You spent all last night fucking him. I would say things are pretty good between the two of you right now. Jasper, he isn't going to like it whichever way you go, but hiding it from him will only be worse." Pulling at the cushion cover I pouted as though I was a small child.

This was so fucking hard, I had to think about this. I had only just gotten him back. I had my missing piece returned to me, after all of these years. What if he wanted to meet her? I didn't want to risk her knowing someone so important in my life if things weren't to work out. I had her feelings and emotions to think about, how would she possibly take to the news that I was seeing a man? As far as I was aware, she knew nothing about that part of my life. I would need to explain this to her first before bringing up anything about them meeting. But how would Edward handle this? I didn't want to seem like a complete and utter cunt to Edward, but this wasn't something you just brought up lightly after breaking the guys heart ten years before.

"I'll tell him, but what if he doesn't want me? What if he breaks my fucking heart and tells me I have too much baggage; that the thought of him being with me because of Louise is repulsive?" Just thinking about him rejecting me now pulled at my heart.

The day I married Tanya I thought about him. Standing in front of our friends and family, in front of God. I took my wedding vows thinking of the one man who held my heart fully. Tanya always knew that she wasn't the one to hold my heart. I loved her, of course, but she was never him, she was never the one I wanted to hold close to me when I felt like shit, it was and only ever would be, Edward.

"You regret Tanya, we know you do. You did the right thing, you married her, you tried to make it work for the sake of your daughter until things were too much for either of you. Jazz, explain that to him. He's not stupid and from what I remember he was brought up with good values. He won't reject you for having a daughter. He'll need time to adjust to it, but if he loves you he won't run a mile as long as you tell him and soon." James spun his keys around in his hand.

"Look, I will tell him. I will tell him everything, but right now I need you to go. I have things to do." James sighed and stood. Making no attempt to move from my spot, I watched him walk out of the room before hearing the front door open and close shut.

Closing my eyes I pushed the nasty thoughts away of how he would react to Louise. I didn't see him accepting this part of my life with open arms, in fact I saw him just screaming at me and telling me to go. That was what I would have to prepare myself for, his rejection. Something I didn't want to have to face. Finally he was mine again. The risk, the thought of losing him shattered me inside. I loved him, simple as that, those three words can be so empty when spoken from some people, but from me, when I said them to him, every part of me, ever fibre in my very being meant what I said.

Taking a quick shower and changing, I picked up my net book and camera, put them in my bag and headed towards Aro's strip joint. Punching in the details in the sat-nav I groaned as the address came up. I had a feeling that this place would be in a high class part of town, but I was still hoping that maybe, just maybe it wouldn't be.

On my way to Aro's strip joint I smiled as I passed Edward's shop. Seeing him cutting hair at the same work station he fucked me on, he definitely had a wider smile today. As I drove past I had the urge to pull over and go and see him. It was no secret that I couldn't get enough of him. Even though we only parted just a few hours ago I wanted... no, needed, to see him again. Tomorrow night seemed like a long way off.

Aro's strip joint surprised me when I pulled up. I guess I was kind of expecting to see some neon, naked girl flashing against the wall, instead what I saw was a big sign saying _**Volturi**_ in big fancy letters followed by _**Gentleman's Club**_ underneath. The red writing looked impressive against the high-gloss black background, the windows of the club were blacked out hiding the world from what was going on inside. The main doors were a solid dark wood, complete with two bouncers dressed in all black and wearing earpieces. Nodding at the bouncers, I made my way into the club seeing the girls already dancing on the poles for the old rich bastards who had trouble getting it up.

"Jasper, my boy!" Aro called from across the floor, my skin crawled hearing him. _Why must he insist on calling me my boy? _ "So glad you made it. Welcome to my new establishment. Feel free to use the services of one of the girls... free of course." He wandered towards me as though he owned the fucking world. A sly little smile on his face and his arms slightly out with his palms up showing me his new club.

"Thanks, but I'll pass." I nearly chuckled at the absurdity of his offer. He pointed towards a booth for us to sit. Pulling my net book and camera out I got to work setting it all up. Aro seemed to be more concerned with other things going on around him. I didn't have the time for this, the time for him to take as long as he liked in order to get around to actually talking about what he wanted. He seemed to change his mind all the time, the web page had been changed so many times that I had lost count.

"Would you like something to drink? Maybe some eye candy for you to look at?" That sly smirk ran across his face and I wanted to wipe it off. "No, thanks, Aro. Maybe we could actually start looking at the website and narrow down just what you're after?" He grinned at me and a shiver of fear ran down my spine. I didn't like him, I didn't trust him, but he was paying me a shit load of money.

"Well Jasper, I think you could run a few shots of the club, give it the general feel of the place, show the girls working, show my happy customers. Of course, I want to have a video link, but we can wait until the test is done. I want a picture of each girl with their stats, and the services that we offer... pole dance, lap dance, private dance, stag parties are more than welcome and we offer a discount... that sort of thing. So, my boy, why don't you take that camera and begin snapping away so I can see the test page. Oh, and that reminds me, when will that be done?" _You don't want a lot do you, Aro?_

"I should have the test page up and running by tomorrow night at the latest. Are you certain on the colours now?" The colours had been a pain in the ass at the start, but we seemed to have finally nailed it down, or at least I hoped so. I didn't fancy the idea of going through every fucking colour again.

"That will be splendid. No, no, the colours are the same. Although I was thinking of changing it for the girls stats, but I will have to think more about that." Giving him a knowing smile I set about snapping away.

Most of the time I showed up at the place they wanted the website for, took one picture and loaded it up, letting them have a little peak at what the website would actually look like. Once I got the go ahead I would then have a photographer turn up to take the real shots for the we site, but Aro being Aro, he wanted a whole load of photo's done just for the template.

"Jasper, my boy? Get one of Jane hanging upside down on the pole, maybe Jane could showcase her skills." _It's a god damn template, not the actually fucking site you thick piece of shit!_ Sucking in a deep breath to keep my cool I nodded my head, while Jane turned herself upside down on the pole and began showcasing her 'skills'.

"There." I said through gritted teeth, showing him the pictures I had taken. He sighed, letting out a long breath with a head shake. Before he even spoke, I knew what he was going to say so, I beat him to it. "Aro, you have to remember that I'm using a normal run-of-the-mill camera, I'm not a photographer. This is just to give you a basic idea of how it will look." He frowned at my words. _What did this guy want? _I wasn't about to have the photographer come out and do all the proofs now, for a template.

"I see. Well, I guess it will give me some sort of idea." He headed back towards the booth. "Maybe you can upload these now and show me, yes?" I rolled my eyes and headed towards the booth and placing my camera down next to my net book, I sighed.

"No, Aro, I can't. You see, this is just my net book. None of my programs are on this, I use it to show basic designs and make notes of certain changes you want. That's all. I don't carry around everything I need to, to set up a website." A disapproving look ran across Aro's face as he raised an eyebrow questioningly at me.

"I see. So I guess I will just have to wait until you have uploaded this to the template then?" I nodded. "Very well then, once I see the template again I will decide whether or not changes need to be made to it before the photographers come out." I inwardly sighed, this would mean I could finally leave this godforsaken place and head home.

"Very well, Aro, I will get to it when I get home. I should have the overall layout set out by tonight if you want to check the site."

Closing the the lid down on my net book and placing it back in my bag along with the camera, I pulled it over my shoulder. "If you have any questions please give me a call." _Which I'm sure you will do._ I mumbled under my breath.

"Certainly. I look forward to see the end result." He shook my hand before I walked back outside into the bright daylight.

My eyes stung from being in the dark lit room for too long. They felt tired all of sudden as I squinted my way to the car. Throwing my bag on the passenger seat I groaned at the thought of having to spend the next few hours working on that godforsaken website, when all I really wanted to do was go and see Edward, curl up with him, and forget all about Aro and his dirty little club.

Arriving back home, my mind cast back to Edward and telling him about Louise. I would need to tell him soon, his trust in me was already so low. So I needed to be open with him, honest about things from my past, and just hope that he wouldn't react badly to the truth. I had to think about Louise, try and protect her from this godawful mess that Tanya and I created. Tanya didn't seem to fucking care if she got hurt in the process, but I did. Of course, at some point I wanted Louise and Edward to meet, but there was no rushing with this, there couldn't be. Louise had already had a load of upset in her life thanks to Tanya and me going our separate ways. She watched me leave the family home and move away from her, which wasn't what I wanted but had little choice but to do so.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could only hope that when I tell Edward, he understands and doesn't push me away.

After spending most of Friday night and Saturday working on Aro's website, I was finally somewhat happy with it. The feedback from Aro seemed good, great by some standards, and I hoped we could finally move forward and set up the actually website now, breaking me finally free from having to deal with him anymore. Well, at least until he wanted it updated again, which should give me a good six month break.

Parking in the car park, I walked towards the movie theater where I had arranged to meet Edward. I felt giddy, hyper almost, as my body became consumed with love and happiness. I hadn't seen him since Friday morning and I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms close to me, to feel his silky smooth lips against mine.

Turning the corner I saw his messy head of bronze silky locks blowing around in the wind. His black jeans showed me just how tall and lean Edward was. His jacket was open with his hands crammed into his jeans pockets. The dark green shirt underneath his jacket was slightly visible along with a couple of inches of his chest from where he had left his top buttons open. Seeing me walking toward him, he smiled and moved toward me, engulfing me in a loving embrace the moment I was close enough. Wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and resting my hands on his firm pert butt, I kissed his neck, breathing in a mixture of just Edward and his aftershave.

Even though he still hadn't really told me he loved me, I knew he did. Just like I knew he had never gotten over me, the same as I had never gotten over him. Even after ten long years we still loved each other. He was protecting himself by not telling me, and while I understood his reasons for doing so, I wanted to hear those words fall from his lips, even though I knew I didn't deserve to hear them.

My plan is to tell Edward tonight, once we have left the movies and had dinner and we were back at my place. I was going to tell him and show him Louise, even though I was scared to death of how he will react. The thought of being rejected by him scared me, but I knew this was something I had to do. Breathing deeply into his neck I relished in his sweet scent hitting my nose and filling my lungs. I would enjoy this moment forevermore, I didn't know if there would be many more after this

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_Some of you guessed it before in chapter 2._

_Jasper has a wife and a daughter. Of course the question is when is he going to tell Edward?_

_I know its been so long, and I am so bad at updating these days but please hit the review button and send me some love. Jen x  
_


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN/** Well hello again! I actually have an It's Fate update, I know its been two months sonce I last updated this fic but these boys stopped talking to me. Nothing I did seemed to get them to talk and in the end I just had to hope that they would start again and not leave me. Thankfully they did and they returned with a bang!_

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I hope I haven't left it that long that you guys either can't remember what was happening or you have just lost interest now. _

_A big thanks to my girls for doing there thing! If you haven't checked it out yet, Secrets and Lies updated yesterday go check out my little shyward!_

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_**EPOV**_

__"You know I really did want to see that movie." Jasper mentioned as he threw the empty packet of strawberry bonbons in the bin. I chuckled and held my hand out towards him, wanting to feel his fingers laced through mine.

"Yeah, me too. I guess we will have to wait until it comes out on DVD." Jasper laughed and shivered slightly as we walked out into the cold evening air.

"So, you're saying we might actually get to see the movie next time instead of making out like a couple of horny teenagers?" He raised an eyebrow questionably at me. What could I say? I had actually enjoyed being in the dark theatre making out like teenagers instead of watching the movie.

"I didn't hear you complaining in there." I challenged as we walked to Jasper's car. Jasper shrugged and pulled his keys out of his pocket clicking the button and unlocking the car creating a loud beeping sound in the car park.

Something was off with Jasper tonight. I couldn't put my finger on it, but he was hiding something. His general habits hadn't changed in the last ten years. The tapping of his fingers when he sat still, the way he continued to rub his thumb on his bottom lip, all tell tale signs that Jasper had something on his mind.

These were the same signs I had seen ten years ago before he disappeared on me, though at the time I just thought it was because of us leaving high school and heading off to college. These simple little signs from him made me feel a little uneasy. I finally had him back, after ten fucking years of comparing every fucking guy to him. He was mine again and I didn't want to lose that feeling, to lose him again. I wanted him to tell me what was on his mind, just what he was thinking about, for him to just be open and honest with me about everything.

"Shall we skip the meal and just head back to yours? I'm sure we could make something there or order in." Jasper turned his head slightly and smiled. "Then maybe you can tell me what's on your mind." I saw him freeze up for a second before relaxing again. That wasn't good, that meant I wasn't going to like whatever it was he was going to say.

"There isn't anything on my mind, babe." _Liar!_ Why was he lying? He knew I could tell there was something going on. He knew that the little signs he was sending out I was picking up on, so why was he lying to me?

_  
Oh God, he's breaking it off with me again? _The thought ran around my head over and over again, giving me a headache. _Snap out of it, you don't know what he is thinking, it might not be that; you don't know and you're jumping ahead of yourself._ I mentally told myself off. The thought of losing him again hurt, it ripped inside of me causing a sickening feeling to hit my stomach and my heart rate to increase. I loved him, still after everything I wanted him back in my life, but that scared me.

I was scared to let go and fall for him again, to tell him just how much I loved him and how happy I am he is back in my life. It scared me because if I tell him it might shatter the bubble we are in and I might lose him all over again and that was something I didn't think I could handle. The trust level between us was low, so ridiculously low that I wondered how we could possibly have a relationship. No trust meant no relationship. It wasn't that I didn't trust his faithfulness, but I was leery of giving him my heart even though, if I were honest, he already owned it.

Pulling up outside his apartment I got out and waited for Jasper. He flashed me a wide toothed grin that made my heart skip a beat and sent my skin all goose pimply. His fingers slipped through mine, leading me towards his apartment with a devilish grin but with distance in his eyes. So much of me wanted to ignore the distance in his eyes and ravish him instead, but that voice in the back of my mind told me not to. I knew I should not cave into the feelings I had as I felt his body heat on my skin. I needed to push for the information that would clear the lurking darkness in his eyes.

Turning the key in the door Jasper dragged me in and pushed me against the wall, his lips crashed onto mine pushing his tongue into my mouth. He tasted wonderful, the flavor of the strawberry bonbons still lingered on his tongue, the faint hint of mint touched my taste buds and I couldn't help but moan and grip him tighter to me. With his body flush against my mine, I felt his hard on straining through the material of his jeans as he rubbed himself against me.

"Bedroom... please.... I need you, I need you so fucking bad." Jasper whispered out as he broke apart from the kiss and moved to my neck. His lips were straight on the sensitive spot on my neck, where my neck curves to my shoulder. His teeth sunk into my skin and I moaned loudly as my body begged to have him closer to me, to feel all of him again.

Even though I desperately wanted him, I was reluctant to move forward. He was holding something back from me and I wanted to know what it was. Sex wasn't going to give me the answer I wanted; it wasn't going to tell me what was on his mind but all thoughts soon cleared my mind as his hands slid up my shirt and pulled on my nipple rings.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jasper." I growled at him as I felt his lips smile against my neck. He continued to tug on them making me moan his name in breathless pleas. As his teeth sunk into my shoulder, my hips bucked relentlessly trying to seek more friction and my hands gripped his ass pulling him closer to me as our lips met once again.

A frantic, urgent kiss broke out between us, full of nothing but complete need for the other. Jasper began pulling me towards his bedroom as we removed items of clothing, almost tearing them off in a frantic need to get closer to one another. My hands roamed his bare skin, feeling every inch of him, every dip and curve of his solid muscle. Pushing him on to the bed my eyes drank him in, running over his body. He was gorgeous with tanned skin covering his well defined muscles; his rigorous training and work outs had left him with the most amazing looking muscles. The buttons on his jeans were open as he sat up on his elbows and his blue eyes were hooded and dark with lust.

The tip of his pink tongue came out and ran the length of his swollen red lip. I groaned as my eyes ran down his chest, his pecs and abs were like a washboard. My tongue ached to run over his stomach, to taste his skin again, to feel his muscles contract and move as my tongue ran over his abs. I wanted to move my lips up his pecs and tease his pink buds until they hardened like little pebbles between my teeth.

Groaning I became even harder, if that was at all possible. He was fucking beautiful. Fuck, I still loved him, loved him like there was no tomorrow. He was my air to breathe, my warmth, my happiness. But my mind told me not to fall all over again for him, to not let him in for fear of having my heart completely ripped apart.

My heart on the other hand told me to fall, to let go. He was here, back with me, my wish, my prayers had been answered. After ten long years here he was, back with me. Rational thoughts were boring and safe, but they wouldn't get my heart broken. However, looking at him right now, with his deep blue eyes locked onto mine, full of lust, want, and laced with love; I wanted him, I wanted to fall.

He shook his blonde curls off his face and tilted his head back, exposing the full column of his neck. Crawling over him, my lips kissed up his happy trail to his belly button where my tongue dipped in and swirled around before running up his abs. His cock twitched through his jeans on my chest as I slowly worked my way up to his left nipple.

Swirling my tongue around the pink skin, wetting his nipple, I began to blow making it turn into a hardened tiny pebble. Grazing my teeth over it, Jasper moaned and brought his hands into my hair, around the nape tugging it almost painfully hard. Moaning, my teeth sank into his nipple causing him to buck his hips.

"You remembered." I purred as I worked my way up his neck, kissing and sucking the soft flesh of skin there.

"Of course..... I remember everything you like." My lips hovered just inches away from his. If he pouted our lips would touch. His eyes were so dark as they locked onto mine, all I saw in his eyes was love, painful love that looked to be hurting him. "You have no idea how much I fucking love you, Edward."

I sighed and touched his lips with mine gently. "I do, believe me, I do." _So badly._ I wanted to tell him, wanted him to hear the words from me, but I couldn't say them. Saying them left me open; saying them took down my wall leaving me exposed to the hell of what he could do to me.

Pushing those thoughts away I brought my lips back to his, feeling his soft smooth skin against mine as our lips moved in perfect rhythm with each other. His tongue slid into my mouth, touching mine, twisting and turning together as our hands locked into one another's hair and our hips rocked together.

Jasper rolled us over, and straddled my waist. His ass rocked hard against my cock causing me to growl into the kiss. My need for him was in overdrive. I needed to feel him, all of him in me. I didn't want to fuck, I wanted love. I wanted to feel his love for me, the love he claims to have that's so strong.

Breaking apart from the kiss I stilled his movements by grabbing his hips. "I need you, babe. I need to feel you so bad." Jasper growled at my words and moved off me.

I watched as he pulled down his jeans, moaning loudly as I saw he was going commando when his beautiful hard cock sprang free. Jasper looked good in clothes, but Jasper naked was a pure heavenly sight. Wasting no time I raised my ass off the bed and slid my jeans down past my ass. Pulling them completely off I noticed Jasper looking at me, his top teeth digging into his bottom lip.

"I'll never get bored of seeing you naked." He flashed me a wink and walked over to the night stands. Rolling onto my side I slowly stroked myself as I looked at Jasper's naked body slightly bent over as he rummaged around in the drawer. "You better stop doing that Eddie, or I won't fuck you." I moaned at his words and stopped my movements.

Returning to me on the bed Jasper placed the foil packet and lube next to me. Taking his hand I pulled him closer. Our bodies molded together as our lips met and Jasper moaned loudly into the kiss as our cocks rubbed together. Pushing his shoulders back I encouraged him to lay down on the bed. Breaking the kiss Jasper complied with a slight whimper as we lost our skin to skin contact.

Smirking I picked up the foil packet and tossed it to him before clicking the lube bottle and coating my fingers. Tossing it next to him I mounted his thighs with my back to him, raising myself slightly on my knees I began to prep myself. Jasper moaned and muttered under his breath as I slipped in a finger. Thrusting my finger in and out of my body, I ached to feel Jasper buried deep inside of me. I wanted to rush this, to hurry up and have him where I wanted him, but I remembered how much this used to turn Jasper on.

"Jesus......" Jasper moaned out as I entered a second finger. Turning my head slightly and looking over my shoulder I saw a flushed looking Jasper straining to keep himself still. I smiled and flashed him a wink, pleased that his old habits hadn't changed.

By the time I entered a third finger I was almost ready to come undone. A rush in my stomach told me how badly I needed to have him, my wait for him was running out. "Are you ready, Jazz?" I inquired.

Removing my fingers I turned around as Jasper tore the foil wrapper open with his teeth and rolled the condom down his length. Coating himself with lube he pulled himself up the bed so his back was against the headboard.

Straddling his waist I positioned myself above his cock, holding it in place with my hand and slowly lowering down on him. Jasper's eyes snapped shut as every muscle in his body tensed up, trying to keep himself still and not thrust upwards. His lips were slightly parted as he sucked in ragged breaths that fanned my face.

Lowering down onto him, I let out a soft moan. Stilling myself I looked at Jasper's face just inches from my own. His beautiful deep blue eyes pooling full of emotion, stared back at me and I was consumed with love. Right there and then my mind forgot all about our past, the heart ache he had put me through and the last ten years of secretly wondering where he and how he was. I forgot about all that and just allowed myself to be consumed by love, his love, my love.

Capturing his lips with mine I began to slowly move up and down his cock, adding a slight rocking motion of my hips. Jasper's arms were around my waist, his hands resting on the base of my back pulling me closer to him. As we kissed slow and passionately I poured my love for him into the kiss, I wanted him to know that I still loved him even if I couldn't bring myself to say it. I wanted him to know that in the last ten years of my life I never stopped loving him and wanting him back in my arms.

Soft moans filled his bedroom as he began to thrust his hips meeting my movements. Our pace stayed slow as the world around us was blocked out, nothing else mattered right now. The only that mattered was the two of us, just feeling one another. I loved feeling the way he slid in and out of me, the way his body connected with mine perfectly in every way, feeling how we knew what the other one wanted without ever having to utter a single word.

My cock throbbed and twitched trapped between our bodies and received wonderful friction as I slowly moved up and down his hard long length. Jasper's hands gripped me tightly to him as he worked his lips down my neck and over the tattoo on my shoulder. His tongue traced the pattern before slipping down to my nipple ring. As he slid his tongue over the metal and flicked it a shudder of pleasure ran through me making me pick my pace up slightly.

His blond golden locks began to stick to his face as a shimmer of sweat covered him, his eyes so rich and full of all his emotions, a complete window to his soul. Red, slightly swollen lips were parted, cursing a line of words as he neared toward his pinnacle. His eyes stayed locked on mine as my hands grabbed the headboard behind him. Picking up my pace a little more Jasper's thrusts became sharper and more forceful as his hands gripped my hips pulling me down to him.

"Fuck, you feel so good." Jasper moaned out breathlessly before crashing his lips hard against mine.

The soft slow love-making was replaced with a hard need as our climax grew closer. Our pace sped up as Jasper began to hit my sweet spot, making me lose control and cry his name endlessly in whispered pleas of need. The tightening began to increase in my stomach as I slammed down onto him, harder and faster, wanting my release, wanting him to hit that spot over and over again.

"Jasp...." His name ended in a cry of pleasure as my orgasm washed over me, shooting streams of cum in between us.

My muscles clamped down around him as he panted hard, his thrusts becoming more frantic and out of rhythm as he moved closer to the edge. Throwing his head back Jasper screamed out as he came. His body shook slightly as I felt his stomach muscles contract against me. Slowing my pace down he rode out the last remains of his orgasm, before refocusing his eyes on me.

"I love you, Edward." His voice shook slightly as his eyes glossed over. I rested my forehead against his desperate to tell him I loved him too, but as I opened my mouth to say those words nothing came out.

Instead, I smiled at him as his breath fanned my face. "I know." I responded. At that moment I did know, I knew he loved me. I could feel his love surrounding me in the most delicate blanket.

Climbing off him slowly I made my way to the bathroom to clean up. Running the hot tap over a wash cloth I looked in the mirror. My lips were swollen and red, my neck and chest were covered in marks; my hair, which always looked a mess was more pulled out of place than before. My eyes looked happy and I felt happy, despite everything that had happened I felt safe and secure in our little bubble of being together.

Heading back into the bedroom Jasper lay there looking at me already cleaned up. He smirked at me and pointed to the wipes on the side. "You could have said something!" I playfully acted pissed off as I made my way over to him.

"I could have, but then I wouldn't have gotten the nice view of that sexy ass I just fucked." He gave me a soft kiss. "Wanna beer?" He asked sliding off the bed and pulling up his boxers.

"Sure, then you can tell me what's been on your mind." His face screwed just slightly, if I didn't know his face I wouldn't have caught it. "I know you're hiding something, Jasper. I may not have seen you for ten years but your traits haven't changed..." He pulled his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger.

"Can we talk about it later? It's not something I want to discuss after just fucking you." He didn't give me chance to answer as he nipped out of the bedroom door.

That uneasy feeling sat in the pit of my stomach as I felt that bubble suddenly start to pop. After being without him for so long, and after telling myself I wouldn't take him back. Saying that I would get my answers and then leave him be, I hadn't done any of those things. I had allowed him back in my life again, allowed him to consume every part of me, to cloud every one of my most inner private thoughts. My body responded to him even without my knowledge; it knew Jasper was made for me. It knew when he was close to me, almost pulling me, making me move towards him.

Despite trying to hold myself back and not fall for him all over again, I had. I had been lying to myself to try and stop something that had already happened. It wasn't falling in love with him again that I was doing, as I already loved him; it was strengthening the love I already felt, relighting it all over again.

My eyes stayed on Jasper as he walked back into the room holding two beers. He wouldn't maintain eye contact with me, which pissed me off. His whole mood was shifting as he handed me the bottle, his defensive mood was radiating off of him. Whatever he was hiding, he wasn't about to give it up without being pushed.

"Tell me, Jasper." I pleaded with him as he sat down on the bed pulling his foot under his knee. He looked down and cast his eyes away. "You said no secrets, Jasper. I think given your past record with me, you owe it to me to be honest now while I'm asking." He sighed and looked back at me, his blue eyes were clouding with regret.

"I...." He closed his eyes sucking in a deep breath. "I love you, Edward. I always have and I always will. Everyday I wish I had never left your side. Everyday I wish I made different choices, but I have to live with the choices I made back then." My heart rate picked up as my stomach turned and twisted inside.

"Just tell me... please. If this is ever going to work then I need to know." He bit his top lip and frowned slightly. "Jazz?"

"I have a daughter." I stopped breathing as the words left his mouth. Shock ran over me as I tried to kick start my brain. Nothing seemed to be working right now as I stared at him with my mouth hanging open.

"What...?" It was nothing more than a whisper that left my lips as I looked at him. "How?" Mentally I cursed myself for asking. "I mean when?" I wasn't sure what hurt me more, knowing he had a daughter or knowing he had been with a woman.

"She's six. Her name is Louise. She lives with her mother, I don't get to see her often." The sadness rang through each and every one of his words. Was he sad over his daughter or was the sadness from the loss of not being with the mother of his child?

It tore me inside to think that he would sooner be with her over me; that maybe he had turned up back here because of the fall out of his relationship with her and decided to go for second best... me. Closing my eyes I tried to fight back the pain I was feeling to hear him out, to know the full story, but it was hard when all I wanted to do was get dressed and go back home. I wanted to be away from him and mentally beat myself up for getting involved with him again.

"Do you miss her?" I asked and Jasper looked at me with questioning eyes. "The mother of your child." I mumbled out as my voice shook slightly.

"Tanya? Fuck no! Tanya and I were a mistake from the get go. I stayed with her because of Louise; you know, trying to do the right thing. Tanya got pregnant after a few months of us being together. I didn't want Louise growing up without me being there. I didn't want to look like a father who didn't give a flying fuck about his daughter, but eight months ago we called it a day after the fights in the house were becoming too much and upsetting Louise." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, tugging his blond curls.

"We had been over for a long time before we finally admitted it. Leaving Louise behind was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I'm sorry, Edward." He touched my face with his hand. The warm tingly feeling ran through my body only making my pain worse.

"Why didn't you tell me the other night, Jasper? When I asked you if there was anything more you said 'no'. Why didn't you just tell me about her?" Pulling his hand away from my face I held it in my hands. Jasper's eyes looked down at our hands.

"Because I wasn't sure how to tell you, how you would take it. I was worried you would be mad and not want me anymore. I wanted to tell you, but....." He trailed off and sighed. "I understand if you want to call it an end right now. I can't imagine that getting involved with a guy who has a daughter and a bitch of an ex is what you really want."

Shaking my head I squeezed his hand in mine. Yes, it hurt to know that there was this whole other life that he had before he came back which resulted in him having a daughter, but I think most of that was down to me being jealous of the fact that he had a child. He had something I didn't have and probably never would.

"I'm upset that you didn't you tell me sooner, but I'm not mad that you kept it to yourself. I can only guess that this was a difficult thing for you tell me. I do have a question though." His eyes came up and looked at me. "Do you prefer being with a woman? Am I second best?" His eyes grew wide at me.

"Edward, Jesus! You're not second best! You never have been! Tanya knew I never really loved her, that my heart belonged to one person and that person was you. As for your other question, if I prefer being with a woman to a man, when you're involved, there is no contest. You win, hands down, every time. You're the man I want, Edward. No one else compares to you." He moved closer to me and placed a kiss on my lips. "I love you." He whispered so softly to me that the words melted into me.

I still felt uneasy. I still had this thought in the back of my mind that despite what he said, I would lose him again. I feared my heart would be broken by his hands all over again. He had told me about his daughter, but who says that he isn't lying about his ex? He is making her out to be this bitch whom he can't stand, but is that the truth? Did he really love me more than he ever loved her? Was his heart always mine or was that some lie? Truth is, people say things to protect themselves, he could love her deeply and just be angry about it; just trying to have some sort of happiness with whatever he could find.

Pushing those thoughts away I realised that I was just going to have to forget about it. I didn't know if what I was thinking was my own paranoia or if it was truly my gut instinct telling me these things. Regardless, I needed to start to trust him, I needed to try and give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that these thoughts were just my paranoid mind working over time.

"Can I see her?" His eyes lit up at my words and a beautiful smile spread across his lips.

"Yes, of course! Wait here!" He shot off the bed and out of the bedroom returning a few seconds later with his laptop. "She'll be seven in November." He sounded so excited to talk about her and to show me the photos. As the screen loaded, Jasper appeared on the screen with a beautiful little blond haired girl.

His arms were wrapped around her shoulders as her tiny hands lay over his arms. Her eyes were big and blue, but slightly lighter than Jasper's, more grey than his deep blue. Both were smiling at the camera, his eyes carrying so much love for her.

"She's beautiful, Jasper. She looks a lot like you." He looked at me and smiled, the pride shining in his eyes as he clicked open a file.

"Thank you, though she does have some of her mother in her. Her temper for one." He opened the file and I was faced with hundreds of pictures of them together, some of her on her own.

My jealously came through as he told me the story behind each picture. I watched as his face lit up with so much love for his daughter. His eyes shone as I saw different pictures capturing the last six years of his daughter's life. I didn't want to be jealous of him for having something I couldn't have, because it wasn't his fault. If I was into women, it wouldn't be a problem, but I'm not, so me being a father is something that will more than likely never happen.

"Sorry, I've kinda gone off on it, haven't I? I didn't mean to bore you to death, babe." He shut the lid down on his laptop and I felt bad for making him think that he couldn't talk about her when he certainly could.

"No, it's just realization, that's all." I smiled weakly at him. "She's beautiful, Jasper, and you should be proud and happy to have her in your life." He placed the laptop on the bedside cabinet and looked at me.

"Yeah, I am. She is one of the most important things in my life, with you being the other. Who knows what may happen in a few years." He smiled and pulled me closer to him so my back rested on his chest and his arms wrapped around me.

"Thank you for being understanding about Lulu. I don't deserve it after everything I have done to you."

"You don't, you're right. I guess I'm just a fool for you." I felt him tense slightly. "It's a shock, Jasper, I won't lie, but I will be okay. It's not the end of the world that you have a daughter. I just wasn't expecting it and I need to get my head around it, you know?" His lips kissed my neck making me shiver.

"Yeah, I know." His arms tightened around me as his face buried itself in the crook of my neck.

"Do you think I can meet her one time when you have her?" I asked as I turned in Jasper's arms to face him and saw shock covering his face.

"You serious?" Disbelief ran though his words as I nodded my head at him. Why wouldn't I want to meet her? "Sure, I guess I could sort something out, but not yet. Things are a little tricky. Louise doesn't know about me also liking men yet and Tanya has made it very clear that she doesn't want our daughter to know that side of my life. She thinks it could fuck our daughter up." He snorted and shook his head.

"She's living with Tanya, so if she makes it out fucking normal it will be a god send." Anger flashed over his face. "She's not a bad mother, not really, just Louise is sometimes an inconvenience to her and her life. She gets palmed off to her grandparents left, right, and centre." He shrugged his shoulders slightly. "But I would love you to meet her, have my two most important people in the world in the same room."

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_Well there you have it, after two months of no update I bring them back with a seriously hot chapter I think!_

_I know its been so long since I last updated, but if you still have interest in this fic, please hit the review button and send some love, Jen x  
_


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN/** Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I was a little nervous about posting it as it had been so long and I didn't know if any of you guys were still interested in it. Can you believe it? I'm back again with another update a week later, I don't know how I got this chapter done, RL is kicking my ass all over the place! I joke not, honestly how this turned out to be what 7k of words I do not know. _

_I haven't updated Shyward this week, I am sorry I know a few of you are waiting for the update and the chapter is being writen, all be it very slowly! I'm picking at it right now, with RL life kicking my butt at every given chance it's left me looking at the chapter and tweaking it all over the place in blue words! My chapter looks like a rainbow on crack! _

_Hehe I am having trouble with words at the mo and Naelany give me some prompts to write some drabbles in the hope that my trouble will past once I push my mind! Shit there hard! If I ever complete these 100 word drabbles I will post it, who woud have thought 100 words per prompt would be so hard?_

_Anyway I am rambling away aren't I know? Yes I really am a complete nutter from over the pond, did you not already know? (don't answer that)_

_A massive thank you to my girls who I have WC'd with this week even though I have spent more time looking at boy porn then writing ;) _

_Oh one last thing, If you are looking for a o/s to make you cry and is beautifully well written may I suggest reading Ascension's by Maurelee88. I cried my bloody eyes out reading it, its so beautiful and so well written she really does suck in. And if your wanting something a little sweet and lovely then go and read Kiss Me by My Name is Seren Dipity.  
_

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_**JPOV**__**  
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**_Monday had rolled round far too fast for either of our likings. After spending the weekend together and never leaving my apartment, it was hard to part from him on Monday morning. After telling him about Louise and trying to ease his fears that I wasn't in love with her mother. After convincing him that this wasn't some second best kind of thing, I spent the weekend loving him, making him feel what I felt for him. While I seemed to have done a pretty good job of convincing him that what I said was the truth, I could see sometimes that distant, disbelieving look in his eyes.

I had told him the truth. Tanya meant nothing to me. She was nothing more then a pain in the fucking ass who I had to deal with for the sake of Louise. If I could see my daughter without having to deal with that bitch, I would. Tanya had suddenly declared to me on Wednesday night that I was looking after Louise for the weekend while she fucked off on some dirty weekend with some rich older businessman. To say I was pissed off was an understatement. It wasn't having Louise that was the problem. In fact, if I could have my way, Louise would be with me always. It wasn't even Tanya fucking off for a dirty weekend. The problem was that she didn't think about Louise when she made her plans. Tanya hadn't asked me if I was free to have her, not that there were any plans in this world I wouldn't drop for my little girl, but Tanya had just assumed that I would be available. Tanya didn't give a flying fuck if it were me or someone else watching Louise. She openly told me that if I can't have her, she knows a friend who will look after her.

This new piece of information had set me off into a rant about how our daughter should be first over her fucking private life, and Louise shouldn't just be passed off when she was an inconvenience to her. In the end I had to accept the fact that Tanya wasn't listening and would continue to do her own thing regardless of how I felt. Having Louise this weekend affected my own plans. While I had seen Edward during the week, I was looking forward to us going out again this weekend, and it pained me to tell Edward that I had to change our plans.

Edward had shocked and amazed me by not only being understanding but asking if he could meet her. He had been so understanding when I told him. I truly didn't deserve to have another chance with him after everything I had done, and I knew I had a long way to go until he fully trusted me. I was thankful for everything he gave me. After thinking and re-thinking about Edward meeting Louise, I finally agreed on the condition that, as far Louise was concerned, he and I were friends and nothing more. No intimate touches or long glances to one another, not even a quick kiss until Louise was told about our relationship. Tanya had made her thoughts and feelings very clear on the matter, and had gone as far as to say she would stop me from seeing Louise if I so much as let her see a glimpse of my "other life" as she put it. Louise was old enough to understand that not everyone dates the opposite sex. I certainly didn't want her growing up thinking that same sex relationships were wrong, but Tanya would make my life hell for me, regarding Louise, if I didn't play this right.

I had no idea if Louise would like Edward, so I had arranged with Edward to nip into his work place for ten minutes with Louise so they could meet each other. If Louise was happy, I would ask her if she wouldn't mind Edward coming round tonight to watch a DVD with us.

While I waited for Tanya to arrive with our daughter, I got to work on the website I was currently trying to build. I had pushed Aro's current website aside while he sorted out how he wanted the website to look. After showing him the demo of what it could look like he had changed a few things, resulting in me being very stressed out. Thankfully, the website I was currently working on was going without a single hitch. A local bakery wanted your run-of-the-mill basic website so the job was easy.

Time slipped by while I was working and I was just finishing off the last details of the website when the doorbell rang. Hearing my little girl outside giggling, I was out of the chair in a shot to the front door. Lifting my glasses off my nose and resting them on top of my head, I opened the door to the most beautiful little girl in the world.

"Daddy!" I dropped to my knees as Louise ran to me. Wrapping my arms around her, I held her tight to me, burying my face in her blonde locks and breathing in her scent. I had missed her so much. In the month I had been here, I hadn't seen her once. Talking on the phone or online with the web-cams was not the same as seeing her with my own eyes.

"Missed you Lulu." She giggled into my ear as I stood up with her in my arms. The day I left her tore me apart. It was never what I wanted my child to go through. Never did I think I wouldn't be in my child's life all the time.

"Missed you too, daddy." I placed her down on the floor as she bolted into my apartment leaving me and Tanya at the door.

"You coming in or are you shooting right off?" I turned away from her not caring what she decided. At that moment, all I wanted was my little girl.

"I have a few things I need to remind you of. I wrote it down for you so you won't forget." Tanya took out a piece of paper from her bag and handed it to me.

Opening it up, I tried my hardest not to explode at her. The list consisted of the do's and don'ts of looking after Louise; what time she went to bed, what time she had dinner, what she could and couldn't watch on TV. She had even written down a list of numbers - none of them hers - of whom to call if anything should happen. My anger flared as I noticed the list that told me how much medicine I should give her if she were to become sick.

"You wrote me a list? A fucking list?" I seethed through gritted teeth while Tanya simply nodded with a smile I wanted to wipe off.

"Yes, you need to know these things Jasper." She spoke as though I was some fucking babysitter looking after a child, _my_ child, for the first time.

"Lulu?" I asked to get my little girl's attention. "Go down the hall to the second door on the right and check out your room, sweetheart." Then I watched as Louise happily disappeared out of sight before turning to face Tanya. "Just what the hell are you doing? I know how to look after my daughter, Tanya! I know her fucking bedtime. I know what she likes and what she doesn't. I don't need a fucking list to tell me!"

"Jasper, things change and you haven't seen her in a month! She likes different things. Don't be awkward! If this is a problem, then..." She trailed off, looking around the apartment.

"Then what Tanya? You'll take her away from me? Give me even less time with her than you do now? You don't fucking care about her. If you did, you wouldn't be randomly swanning off to fuck-knows-where for a dirty weekend with a guy who is old enough to be your father!" Tanya chuckled at me making me want to do nothing more then put her on her ass.

"Jealous, Jasper?"

"Of him? You must be fucking joking! Tanya, I don't give a crap who you're fucking. What I care about is what your shit is doing to my daughter." She looked down at her well manicured nails.

"Well Jasper, it is the way it is and Louise is fine. Look, I have to go. I'll be back Monday to get her." She turned and headed towards the front door calling out to Louise. "Remember what we spoke about Jasper, NO boyfriend near her."

"What about school? Isn't she meant to be in on Monday, Tanya?" She rolled her eyes at me in response as though pulling Louise out of school again was the most normal thing in the world.

"See you Monday Jasper."

As soon as I watched her close the front door, I screwed up the stupid piece of paper and tossed it in the bin.

Walking down the hall towards Louise's room, I saw her emptying the contents of her bag. She had grown since I last saw her, her hair was a little longer and she was now a little taller. The babyness that once covered her face was slowly disappearing and she was becoming a little girl who would soon turn into a woman.

"You hungry?" I asked her. She looked up at me and tilted her head to the side, thinking. "Its 'yes' or 'no' Lulu." She giggled at me.

"I'm thinking daddy. I brought High School Musical 1 & 2 with me to watch. Can we have pizza tonight and ice cream and full fat Coke?" The thought of watching High School Musical back-to-back made me want to gag.

"Lulu, High School Musical again? Don't you know it by heart already...word for word, complete with all of the dance moves?" She laughed as I sat down beside her and pulled her into my arms. "I love you so much Louise."

Kissing the top of her head I just wanted time to slow down, so I had more of it to spend with her. Two nights wasn't enough; it wasn't enough to see her change and grow. I was missing so much.

"Love you too daddy." She sighed, resting her head back on my chest. "So can we daddy? Can we please?" She begged. I tightened my grip around her and smiled.

"Sure! Shall we nip out for a bit? Maybe we could stop off at the store and get ice cream?" _How exactly was I going to convince her to come to the barber shop so I could see Edward? How was I going to get Edward round without upsetting Louise?__  
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Louise came first. I hated that Edward would be pushed aside because of her, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Sure, I wanted him to come round tonight and spend time with the both of us, but if Louise didn't want that, then my plans to see Edward would change yet again. How I wanted this to be so much more simple than it was. If only I could tell Louise about me being with Edward it wouldn't seem so awkward, but if Tanya knew, the bitch would permanently forbid me to see our daughter. I had thought of Edward just randomly dropping by tonight, but that would be an awkward situation if Lulu happened to not like him. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel as though I wasn't interested in her feelings.

"Where are we going daddy?" She asked as she pulled out of my arms and looked at me. I looked at her and smiled remembering the first time I held her when she was just a few minutes old, all red and covered in crap. I had instantly fallen in love with her.

"I need to go and see a friend of mine about a website." I wasn't really lying to her...Edward had been thinking about it. "Five minutes, I promise, and then we will go and get ice cream or cake or chocolate...you name it, sugar plum."

"Is he a friend or someone who wants you to make them something?" She inquired as she pulled her coat on and flicked her long blonde hair out of the collar.

"A friend who I have known for many, many years." I stood and held my hand out towards her. "Come! The sooner we go, the sooner you can torture me with High School Musical."

"It's not torture daddy! It's gooooood!"

***

Louise chatted to me in the car on the way to Edward's shop, filling me in on her life over the last month. It broke my heart to hear all the things I had missed out on. Simple little things, things that before I had never really bothered that much about. The dance lessons she was taking, the competitions she danced in, birthday parties, school trips...I missed them because of her mother. Before, as much as it pains me to admit, I was there but took it all for granted. It wasn't until I couldn't be there that I realized just how much I was missing out on.

Pulling up a few spaces down from Edward's barber shop, I cut the engine. Louise grinned at me, showing me that her two front teeth were missing with just the very tip of white starting to poke through. Her cheeks dimpled just like mine did and I noticed the cute chubby cheeks she had as a baby were quickly slipping away from her face. Stroking her cheek I smiled at my little girl wishing for nothing more in this world than to not have her leave me to go back to that bitch.

"Who's been kissing those teeth, Lulu?" I asked, slightly serious, in a joking way. "Am I going to have to come back with you and speak to some boy for kissing your teeth out? She giggled at me. A high pitched giggle that filled the car and made my heart swell.

"No daddy...boys are yucky!" Well that was a relief...that boys weren't an interest to her just yet. I could rest a little easier at night.

"Oh really? If you haven't been kissing a boy, how come you lost your teeth?"

"I lost my milk teeth daddy! Noooooo boys! They smell and pick their noses!" I had to laugh at her wonderful description of boys. The fact that some men still did that, only added to my amusement.

"I don't smell." I protested, making her giggle even more.

"But you're my daddy."

"But I am a boy, right?"

She twirled her blonde locks around her fingers and thought about it.

"But you only smell when you have been running and you're all sweaty."

"Well I guess that's something then. Come, sugar plum." Opening the door I got out and ran around to Louise's side. My little girl gracefully got out the car and took my hand as I closed the door and hit the lock.

Opening the door to the barber shop, I noticed the shop was slightly empty. For a Saturday, I had expected to see it packed out. I guess I caught it at the right time. Rosalie was working on the shop floor, cutting some man's hair. "Nice to see you Jazz." She commented, flashing me a smile and looking my way as she snipped the man's hair. I did wonder if that was safe but, I figured she had been doing it long enough, she could more then likely do it with her eyes shut.

"Mummy's boyfriend has no hair, he's bald." Louise suddenly announced to me making me chuckle.

"That's because mummy's boyfriend is about sixty years old." _That was low Jasper...very low._

"Hey Jazz," Edward appeared out the back of the shop. His fitted tee clung to his body showing me every plane of his chest. His lips wore a breathtaking smile as he made his way over to me. I could feel my heart rate pick up the closer he came.

Swallowing a lump that had formed at the back of my throat, I attempted to speak to the man that had taken me over completely since we first got together, all those years ago. "Hi Eddie, slack day?"

"Pretty much." He bent down on to his knees and became more level with Louise. "Hello, you must be Louise." Louise giggled and hid behind my legs slightly. "You're not going to say hello to me, Louise?" She giggled and pushed her face into the back of my thigh. "Okay then." He sighed "I guess you don't want a lollipop then?" I heard her gasp behind me.

"Say hello to Edward, Lulu and then you can have one." I chuckled pulling her out from behind me. "Believe me, she isn't normally shy." I mumbled to Edward. Louise grinned at Edward who was still on his knees looking at her. His eyes quickly cast up towards me where he sent me a wink, before looking back at Louise.

"Hello." Louise said, just a tad above a whisper to him. "Can I have a lollipop, please?" He chuckled at her and rose from his knees.

"Sure, what flavour would you like?" He asked, walking behind the till and pulling out a jar of lollipops and opening the lid. Louise let go of my hand and walked over towards Edward. The jar was packed full of lollipops, all different kinds and flavours and I wondered how often they would eat them when they had nothing else to do.

"Drumsticks? Edward, are you five?" I chuckled, remembering his slightly unhealthy obsession with them when we were kids.

"They rule Jazz! Now play nice or I won't offer you one." Louise giggled looking up at him taking a lolly out of the jar. "What do you think Louise? Shall we offer him one?"

Looking down at Louise I waited for her to give me the answer. She giggled at me and shook her head. "What do you mean, no?" She looked over at Edward who was staring intently at me, his green eyes pooling at me, making me feel lost.

"Can Daddy have a Drumstick then?" She pulled one out of the jar looking at Edward the whole time, making sure it was okay. He gave her a small wink before she asked him. "Can you cut my hair?" He chuckled at her.

"You wanting a short back and sides?" He asked. She shook her head at him peeling the wrapper off her lollipop.

"Lulu, Edward's too busy to cut your hair. If you really want it cut, I'll take you somewhere okay?" She frowned at me with a small huff. "Sorry, I didn't think she would ask for a haircut while we were here." Edward just shrugged his shoulders at me.

"I don't mind, I can cut her hair, Jazz, if you want." Louise grinned at me seemingly pleased that Edward had agreed to it after I had said he was too busy. "Only if you have the time. I can take her somewhere else, don't feel like you have to do it." That was the last thing I wanted.

"No, honestly it will give me something to do. I'll get Rose to wash it for me." He looked at Louise. "Are you going to sit still for me? No moving around in the chair?" She nodded her head at him. "Rose? Do me a favour and wash Louise's hair for me while I have a chat with Jazz." Rose walked over to us casting her eyes between me and Edward and down to Louise.

"You're beautiful. You look like a princess." Louise said as Rose held her hand out.

"Smart child Jazz. Who would have thought you could produce a smart child, huh?" Louise giggled and followed Rose over to the basin to have her hair washed. I sat down next to Edward and sighed.

"She's lovely Jazz. How long is she staying with you?" I could see the slight longing in his eyes as he watched Rose and Louise together. With Louise not watching, I carefully ran my hand down the side of his thigh, hearing his breathing hitch slightly.

"Tanya is getting her on Monday. Come outside with me?" I wanted to be alone with him for five minutes without Louise watching my every move. Nodding, he stood up. "Louise be good, I'm just nipping outside, I'll be back before you're finished." Following Edward outside I walked past him and towards my car. It would be easier to talk in there instead of just standing on the street. Hitting the button I got in, followed by Edward. No sooner had the doors closed than I was on him.

My lips crashed hard against his as though I had never kissed him before. I needed him. I needed him to know I wanted him despite what may have happened. All the hell I put him through, and the bomb shell I dropped. I needed him to know that my feelings for him had never changed, never altered, only ever grown for him. My fingers weaved their way into his hair pulling him closer to me. His tongue touched and ran along with mine, causing me to moan into the kiss. Somewhere inside of me I needed to know that he still wanted me, that meeting Louise hadn't changed what he wanted, in this life, with me.

Breaking apart from the kiss our breathing was hard and heavy. The car was thick with an atmosphere of lust and desire. His eyes had darkened a deeper shade of green, staring into mine, telling me all I wanted to know.

"Come round tonight, please?" He sighed at me and sat with his back against the window.

"Jazz, you said she doesn't know and that Tanya has made it very clear to you. Don't you think me turning up tonight might make her wonder?"

"No, I have told her I'm designing a website for you, which isn't really a lie. She will just think you're there for that. Besides, she likes you Edward. I'm sure she will be more than happy to hear your nipping round?" He inhaled deeply and looked away. "I know it doesn't sound fun, coming round to your boyfriend's place while his daughter is there, but I really want to see you, Edward. I'm trying to fit both pieces of my world together without upsetting either side."

"What does she know? You must have told her more than I'm just some guy who is having a website created by you?" He was now looking back at me, the battle raging in his eyes as he stared at me.

"She knows I've known you a long time and that we're friends. Please......besides, you can suffer the same torture as me and be forced into watching High School Musical."

He chuckled at me. "Wow Jazz you really know how to sweep a guy off his feet. I'll come, but only if Louise is happy for me to be there. I don't want to impose on your time with her. I know you don't get a lot of time with her and I know how much you miss her."

How could he actually care so much about my time with her? After everything that had happened between us I didn't deserve him to be this way with me.

"You're not, trust me you're not. But thank you for thinking about me like that. I'll ask Louise, but I'm pretty sure she won't mind. Speaking of which, won't she be finished having her hair washed by now?" I didn't want to leave the confines of the car with Edward. It was almost unfair that I couldn't have what I wanted.

Leaving the car, I pulled out my laptop from the boot figuring I may as well get some work done while I waited for Louise. God, Louise! I would have to be so careful around Edward tonight so she didn't suspect anything. I wanted her to know though, wanted her to understand about that part of my life. While I knew she would understand and not judge, I also knew that six year old's can easily let something slip to the wrong person. If she happened to let it slip to Tanya I dreaded the thought of the amount of hell I would be put through.

When did things get so bitter between me and Tanya? When did she turn into this fucking bitch? I could understand if I had done something to hurt her but I had never cheated on her, even when things were at the very end. I stayed loyal to her until we decided to call it a day, until I left the family home. She, on the other hand, had been through countless men during the end of our marriage. If anyone should feel bitter, it should be me. Maybe Tanya was acting this way because she knew that she had never really held my heart; maybe that turned her into this bitter, twisted witch she had become. Who knows?

I was trying to finish my work but my eyes kept going back to Louise and Edward. My heart swelled hearing them laughing and talking with one another, so easy and carefree. He laughed and spoke about her freaky obsession with High School Musical, all the while making her laugh. He was so relaxed with her and vice versa that I wondered if this could actually work. I had wondered if Edward finding out about her would seal the ending to our relationship, if this would just destroy us? Hearing that I had a child wasn't the easiest thing for him to hear, I knew that, and in addition to our other issues, I wasn't sure if he could see past it.

"Do you like it daddy?" Louise called to me once Edward had finished. Closing my laptop down I walked over to them. Her hair had been cut to just below her shoulder with a few long layers added in. The front had been slightly shaped around her face giving it a choppy look.

"You look beautiful, sugar, Where is my little girl going?" I kissed the top of her head smelling the shampoo in her freshly washed hair. Jesus, I thought to myself, she was seven this year. Before too long she would be a teenager.

Edward removed the protective cover and lowered the chair down so she could stand up. She stood looking at herself in the mirror, admiring her new hair cut. "Thank ,Edward." She touched her soft locks as she spoke.

"You're welcome." He smiled and turned to me. "Is it okay?" He had to be kidding me.

"It's perfect. How much do we owe you?" He walked over to the till picking up the clothes brush and brushing himself down.

"Nothing, it's on me." He picked up the jar of lollipops. "Want another lolly?" He asked Louise bending slightly down to her. She grinned and nodded her head at him before taking one out and looking at me.

"You can have it, but don't tell your mother."

Unwrapping the lolly she wasted no time in eating it.

"Don't be stupid Edward. Let me pay for your time." He shook his head and mouthed 'No' at me. "Fine, I think you have a friend in Lulu."

He smiled "She's lovely Jazz, very well mannered." He chuckled. "You should see some of the kids that come in here...you would think I'm trying to murder them."

"I can imagine. Come on Louise, it's time to go." She made her way over to me and took my hand. "Would you mind if Edward came round tonight for a bit? I didn't get chance to talk to him about the website." Louise smiled widely at Edward.

"We're watching High School Musical One and Two, and we're having pizza and ice cream. Can you stay to watch it too?" _Why must you mention that bloody DVD? _

"One and two? I think I could stomach it, if you wouldn't mind me being there." _Could this really being going better then I dared hope for? _Just the thought of it, having them both there tonight filled me with so much love that I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face.

"No, Daddy won't mind. Will you daddy?" Her blue eyes looked at me, pulling a look that I couldn't refuse even if I wanted to. Little did she know that her efforts to make me say yes were pointless and I didn't mind Edward being there at all.

"We'll see you later b...Edward." Pulling Louise back out of the shop, I cursed myself for almost saying babe in front of her. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice my almost slip of the tongue.

The rest of the day passed by with ease. The store had been nothing short of a nightmare. Full off idiots that had no clue what they were actually doing and needed fucking help to shop. Why couldn't they have days for these people? Those who just wanted to aimlessly push the trolley around and get in my way? Did they really need to do a stop-and-chat right in the centre of the aisle with the woman who lives three doors down? Managing to keep my temper in check and not blow off at the fat old woman who rammed the back of her trolley into my heels, we made it out in one piece.

Louise had been busy telling me all about High School Musical and how she was going to teach Edward the songs. She had spent most of the time since we left the barber shop talking about him. This pleased me a great deal knowing that she was so taken by him. I worried that they weren't going to get along, that one or the other wouldn't click and that had scared me. With Edward now coming round tonight I knew I would have to be so careful with how I acted around him. I had to make sure that I didn't touch him or call him 'babe' as I almost did in the shop. It would be so easy to let these little things slip, so easy for me to randomly pull him close to me and capture his wonderfully soft pouty lips with my own.

Arriving back home, Louise was bouncing off the walls with excitement. She wanted tonight to hurry up and get here, I was unsure if she was excited to watch High School Musical or to see Edward. I was pretty sure that either one of them were above me right now. After bathing and getting changed into her PJ's, she sat waiting in the living room for Edward.

"You want to call mummy?" I wasn't about to get my ear chewed off for not getting Louise to talk to her.

"No, she told me she would call me when she arrives." She sighed defeated. "Edward is coming, isn't he?" She asked. I frowned moving closer to her.

"Of course he is. What would make you think he wasn't?" She shrugged running her fingers over her pink PJ bottoms. "Louise? Talk to me." I could see her eyes beginning to fill with tears. Pulling her into my lap, I soothed her back. "What's the matter?"

"I heard Tom telling mummy that I was a pest and she laughed. Then he said he was going to pay to send me away to a school and mummy said 'yes'." I bit back my anger while continuing to rub her back.

"You're not going anywhere, baby and you're not a pest. Don't ever think you are." I rocked her gently trying to let my anger subside.

How fucking dare she just agree to that? There was no way on this earth I was having Louise in some fucking boarding school. If Tanya was set on having Louise out of her hair, Louise would come here. Had Tom been nice to Louise only for her to overhear him bitching to Tanya? Was she now worried that Edward was the same? I knew that Edward actually did like Louise and wasn't just tolerating her for my sake. Anger coursed through me as I wanted nothing more then to give Tanya a piece of my fucking mind. The temptation to call her right now was there, hanging in the back of my mind. I wanted her to know that I wasn't about to stand back and let her _grandad_ of a man send our daughter packing because she got in their way too much. But what would it solve? Sure, I would feel better about it. In fact, I would feel fucking great to let her know a few home-truths but Tanya would only put the phone down and act as though nothing was wrong. I needed to wait it out until I saw Tanya. Then, I'd have it out with her and it would be even better if that Tom was there too.

While brooding over my troubles, the door bell rang. My heart rate picked up knowing Edward was here. Louise was off my lap and running to the door. "Edward's here!" she said in an almost scream to me. I chuckled and got up, following her to the door.

"Open the door then, sugar plum." Louise pulled the door open and there stood Edward. The smile on his face took my breath away. I had to stop myself from moving closer to him and wrapping my arms around his waist, pulling his body flush with mine and letting my lips pepper his face in gentle loving kisses.

"Edward, you came," Louise said staring at Edward.

"Of course, I said I would, didn't I?" He gave Louise a small smile as he walked in through the door. His eyes locked with mine for a second longer then normal. How I wanted to pin him up against the wall and take him.

"Go sit down then Lulu, we'll order pizza and then you can torture Edward with High School Musical." Louise smiled and disappeared out of sight towards the living room. "Want a beer? Don't know about you but I could do with a drink."

"Sure. You okay?" He asked following me into the kitchen. I sighed as I pulled out two bottles of beer from the fridge and a can of coke for Louise. Opening the bottle I handed it to him before grabbing a glass out of the cupboard.

"No, Louise told me that Tom, Tanya's _Grandad,_ whom she is currently screwing for the all the money she can get, thinks Louise is a pest and wants to ship her off to boarding school. Tanya agreed to this as well. I'm so fucking mad Edward! How fucking dare Tanya allow him to treat Louise like that?" I seethed as the red mist began to cloud my vision. "She has no consideration for Louise. I won't stand back and let her ship Lulu off to some fucking place. If that's what she tries to do, Louise is coming here."

Resting my back against the counter top I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A tingling feeling crept up my arm as Edward's fingers gently brushed up it. "I'll never see her if she does send her away, Edward."

"Calm down Jazz. You'll work this out and if need be, bring her here." I snorted at his words. Yeah, it's alright him saying that now but, what if I did? Then what? Edward would think Louise was a pest and I would never be on my own. How is he going to want a relationship with me if that happens?

"And lose you? I don't want to part with either of you but at the same time I can't choose you over her." He shook his head at me.

"I never said you had too, and I never said you would lose me either. When Louise goes to bed, we'll talk, okay?" He walked away from me, leaving me standing against the counter top.

Picking up Louise's glass of coke I headed into the living room. Louise was busy talking Edward to death, I couldn't help smiling as I watched the two of them together. He was paying attention to everything she said to him. He wasn't just nodding his head aimlessly at things she said, he was intently listening to everything.

"Here you go, don't spill it." I said as I passed Louise her drink. "Shall I order then?" Picking up the cordless phone I placed the pizza order while Louise placed the DVD in the player. I wanted to groan. The thought of spending the next few hours watching some stupid teenage musical was enough to make me want to claw my eyes out.

I could sit and watch kid stuff. I even can admit to heading to the movies late one night to see Monsters Inc. But this? This was too much! Edward on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying the DVD. Either he was enjoying it, or he was a bloody good actor for Louise's sake. Louise thought it was great. Of course, she thought it was great. This sort of crap was designed for kids, designed for kids to enjoy and their parents to suffer. And boy, was I suffering.

The pizza arrived and I got a few minutes of peace from the utter crap that was currently on. My minutes of peace were soon destroyed when I realized that Louise had only paused the DVD, effectively making me suffer through the whole thing. She sat in the middle of Edward and I, leaning more towards Edward's side as we ate. The wonderful feeling of contentment washed over me time and time again seeing the two most important people in the world next to one other, getting along with one another.

As this feeling washed over me, I thought back to what Edward had said in the kitchen. He wanted to talk later. What did he want to talk about? Was it to tell me he would stay with me whatever happened? Or was it that if Louise came to stay then we would be over? We still had so much we needed to fix, so much between us. He was reluctant to hand over any form of trust to me and who could blame him? After what I did, just leaving him, breaking it off with a letter. _How I wish had never done that. _

If only I had told him what was happening. If only I had been truthful and honest with him, then things would have turned out so differently. Yes, I wouldn't have Louise and I couldn't even begin to think of what my life would be like without her in it but, on the other hand, I would never have lost Edward. It was hard to think of how things would have been between us. He would never truly know just how much it hurt me, tore me apart inside, to leave him all those years ago. He would never know how my heart broke over and over again for him and how I cried countless times in the dead of night longing for him, wanting to feel his body next to mine.

Coming out of my thoughts I looked over to see Louise curled into Edward's side, his arm resting over her as she slept. The sight made my heart melt just a little more. "She's asleep Jazz, nice of you to come back." He smiled at me with love in his eyes.

"Sorry I just spaced out for a second. Is she okay?" He nodded his head at me and carefully pulled her from his side over to me. Lifting her up I began to walk to her bedroom. "I'll not be a minute."

"Take your time putting her to bed, Jazz." I smiled and turned with her in my arms.

Pushing open her bedroom door, I carefully placed her into bed and tucked her in. Stroking her hair off her face I was hit with a feeling of regret. I missed doing this, putting her to bed and saying good night. I missed bath time, and cuddle time. All these things took place without me being there and no matter how many times she came here, she would never see this as her home. This would just be somewhere she stayed when she came to visit me. What if we grew apart and she suddenly didn't know me or me her? There was nothing I could do to change that, other then hope that she would never not know me. Giving her a kiss on the top of her head I whispered. "I love you" to her before creeping out of her room.

Edward had retrieved another beer out the fridge and turned off the DVD player by the time I came back. "Sorry, did she just fall asleep on you?" I asked as I sat down next to him. He went to answer me but instead I pulled him to me and crashed my lips against his.

His lips parted instantly for me, allowing my tongue to explore his mouth. Our lips moved together perfectly as our tongues tasted one another. My hands moved into his bronzed locks tugging on the nape and bringing him closer to me. I couldn't seem to get close enough to him as I pushed him back on the sofa and covered his body, never once breaking our lips apart from our kiss. Feeling him growing hard underneath me I couldn't stop the moan that left my lips as I rocked my hips against his. He broke apart from the kiss breathing hard but with a beautiful smile on his lips.

"I have been wanting to kiss you since you got here." I murmured against his neck as I trailed kisses up and down the full column of his neck.

"Me too, but we need to talk." Inwardly I cringed. This was what I was dreading...him wanting us to talk. Pulling away from him I sat up and grabbed my beer and ran a hand through my hair.

"Go on then, hit me with it." I sighed, dreading what was about to come.

"Jazz, I'm scared. Scared to fall for you again, scared to let you in, in case you hurt me again. Finding out about the fact that you have a daughter was hard to hear. It's like another thing that gets in the way and stops us from really being together. I can't help but feel as though you still want your ex, and I guess I'm just waiting for you to walk away from me." The inner battle raged on in his eyes as he looked at me.

Do you love me, Edward?" I asked him. He nodded his head at me but it wasn't good enough for me. "Tell me you love me, let me hear you say it, Edward. Don't you think I'm scared that you're going to suddenly think that being with me is too much, because of Louise? I've let you near her so soon, sooner then I planned Edward, all because I wanted to see you. I wanted my worlds to gel together. If you suddenly decide that you don't want me anymore it's not only going to affect me but Louise too." He moved on the sofa and turned his body more to me.

"Would I be here right now if I didn't want you? Would I have sat through God knows how many hours of High School Musical if I thought that this would become too much?" He took my hand and sucked in a deep breath. "I love you Jazz. I always have and I always will. I want this to work, despite things that have happened. I want to move past all of that and learn to trust you again."

"I don't want, nor do I love, my ex. It's always been you. Edward. There is nothing that could make me walk away from you like that. The only thing I can't and won't ever do, is choose you over Louise." He moved closer to me pushing me back on the sofa and hovering over me.

"I'll never ask you to choose between me or her, Jazz. You won't lose me because of her." He gently kissed my lips once before looking at me with soft smouldering eyes.

"You promise?" I asked in a slightly shaky voice.

"I promise." His lips met mine again with more hunger and need this time.

My hands trailed down his body to the hem of his tee. Sliding my hands underneath it I felt the hard muscles under his smooth skin shiver under my touch. Pulling his tee shirt up and over his head, our lips broke apart. My hands continued to roam his body wanting him more and more. As they slipped down to the waist band of his jeans, he pulled back and looked at me, his eyes dark and full of lust.

"What about Louise?"

"She'll sleep though the night babe, just watch the noise..." I chuckled, bringing my lips back to his for one soft, cherishing kiss. "Let's go to bed."

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_Haha I know don't hate me I leave it right there just before some naughtyness in the bedroom :D _

_Will I pick it up from where I left off? You never know your luck, hit the review buttons my lovely's drop this weird girl from over the pond some love, Jen x  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN/ **Sorry its been so long since I last updated, most of you know I have been busy writing a Support Stacie Auction fic, that was brought by two fuckawesome girls. Speaking of the fic, I updated the fourth chapter yesterday. Its a Vamp fic, so if you haven't checked it out yet, then please do so. _

_I need to thank My Name is Seren Dipty for giving me the french words in this chapter...I really had no clue and had no idea that french words where both male and female...I should have paid attention at school. If you haven't checked out her fic - Naught Notebooks then run and go read, its in my faves on my profile. _

_Okay so I am hoping that I will be able to get another update of this out really soon, but you know what happens with Real Life and all.....I would sooner stay in my fic world, its so much nicer. _

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**End of last chapter**

_My hands trailed down his body to the hem of his tee. Sliding my hands underneath it I felt the hard muscles under his smooth skin shiver under my touch. Pulling his tee shirt up and over his head, our lips broke apart. My hands continued to roam his body wanting him more and more. As they slipped down to the waist band of his jeans, he pulled back and looked at me, his eyes dark and full of lust. __  
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"What about Louise?" __  
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"She'll sleep though the night babe, just watch the noise..." I chuckled, bringing my lips back to his for one soft, cherishing kiss. "Let's go to bed." _

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_**EPOV**_

Pushing the bedroom door shut, Jasper pinned me against it. His mouth attacked my neck kissing and biting on the delicate skin making me moan out loud in delight. My hands gripped into his hair pulling his lips back to mine as he ground his hard cock against mine. Urgency and need laced through the kiss as my tongue brushed against his, inciting a wonderful growl from Jasper that rattled deep in his chest.

My hands slid up the hem of his t-shirt wanting to feel every inch, every hard line of his chest. Raising his hands over his head, I pulled off his t-shirt before crashing my lips back to his. Our bare chests touched igniting a fire deep within me that soon ripped through every fibre of my being. Popping the button on his jeans, I turned us around so Jasper's back was now pressed against the door.

Dropping to my knees, I caressed his abs with gently peppered kisses as I worked my way down to his navel letting my tongue swirl around his belly button. Jasper's hands threaded through my hair as he softly moaned out loud. Kissing my way down the soft, short hairs of his happy trail, my mouth watered wanting so badly to feel his cock slide past my lips and down my throat. Taking the metal zipper between my teeth, I pulled it down. Hooking my thumbs through the sides of his jeans, I pulled them down, along with his boxers, letting his hard cock spring free from its confines.

I moaned, unable to stop myself, as I took sight of his beautiful cock twitching before me. The droplets of pre-cum glistened on the top of its red swollen head. My tongue travelled up from base to tip keeping my tongue ball pressed against every inch of his thick cock. Running my tongue over his sensitive head, I collected the droplets of his nectar being sure to run my ball over his slit.

"Argh... fuck... Edward... don't... don't... do... that... you'll... make... me... cum," he stuttered out breathlessly as I continued to run my ball over his slit.

"That's the whole point, babe," I murmured against his cock creating another pleasureful cry.

Pushing my lips down his hard shaft, I pressed the ball on my tongue hard as I ran over the thick veins that dawned his beautiful cock. My nose touched the short blonde curls as his cock slid down my throat. Swallowing around him, I began to hum as I played with his balls rolling them in my hand and giving them a gentle squeeze. Hollowing my cheeks, I slowly brought my lips back up his cock and began sucking his head hard into my mouth.

"Edward... Please... Just fuck me," Jasper pleaded out while tugging my hair just a hairs breadth away from being too painful. Releasing him from my mouth I looked up at Jasper's hooded lust filled eyes.

"No. I'm enjoying sucking your cock too much." Jasper moaned at my words biting his lips. Swirling my tongue around around its head, I pushed the ball on my tongue against his slit before again taking him all the way down my throat.

Jasper moaned breathlessly as his fingers dug into my hair. My head bobbed up and down his hard cock, harder and faster before slowing down and concentrating on his head. Jasper squirmed above me as I gently grazed my teeth up and down his shaft while playing with his balls. The sounds Jasper was making were turning me on even more. I was increasingly desperate to bury myself deep within him, making him cry my name out in pleasure.

"Fuck!... Stop... I want you to cum with me... please fuck me now," Jasper demand.

Releasing his glorious cock from my mouth, I smirked up at him. "Who says I want to?" I asked while licking my lips.

"Don't play with me, babe. I need you to fuck me hard." Jasper's eyes were almost pleading with me. Chuckling, I felt slightly guilty for playing this little game with him so I pulled myself up off my knees and lightly touched his cheek.

"I'll fuck you so hard I'll make you forget your own name. Get on all fours." Jasper smirked slightly and kicked off his jeans.

My eyes stayed on him as I watched a fucking sexy, naked Jasper walk towards his bedside drawer. Opening it, I watched him pull out a bottle of lube and a condom throwing them on the bed before he climbed upon it. Undoing my jeans, I pushed them down before kicking them off and moving closer to him. My eyes ran down his form as he waited for me on all fours. Moaning at the sheer sight of him, I crawled onto the bed until I was behind him. My cock ran down the crack of his ass causing an almost animalistic sound to come from deep within Jasper. Passing me the bottle of lube, I smiled seeing how impatient Jasper was getting.

"Slightly impatient are we, babe?" I asked while flicking the lube top open and coating my fingers.

"I just need you right fucking now, Edward," he growled out. While I ran my two slick fingers down the crack of his ass, Jasper pushed back wanting me to hurry up.

Circling my fingers around his tight hole, I pushed two fingers in. Jasper moaned out in a mixture of pleasure and pain as I thrust my fingers in and out of him. Curling my fingers, I rubbed against his sweet spot causing him to drop to his elbows as a ripple of pleasure ran through him. Carefully adding in a third finger, I began to thrust them in and out of him. Pretty soon Jasper was rocking his hips back against my thrusting fingers, grunting loudly.

"Edward... enough... I'm ready," Jasper groaned out loud as I removed my fingers.

Picking up the foil pack, I tore it open with my teeth and rolled it down my aching cock. Pouring the lube on my cock, I saw Jasper watching me knowing he liked to see me do this. A slight whimper left Jasper's lips as he turned his head back around. Rubbing my cock up and down his ass, I couldn't help but tease him a little more before slowly pushing into his tight hole of heat.

Moaning, I continued to push all the way in until his ass cheeks pushed against my thighs. Stilling my movements, I gave Jasper time to get used to me being buried deep within him before I slowly began to thrust in and out of him.

Running a hand down his well muscled back, I closed my eyes listening to the wonderful sounds that left my lover's lips. His sweet moans and murmurs were embedded into my mind as I was hit with a intense wave of love for him. I did love him, I couldn't bear the thought of us not working out this time. I broke the promise I made to myself, all because I loved him. I swore I wouldn't let him get too close to me again for fear of the past repeating itself, but I did. Admitting to him that I loved him left me open to him and allowed the wall I promised I wouldn't let fall, come tumbling down.

Stopping my movements, I whispered, "I love you" in a slightly choked voice as my emotions got stuck in my throat. Pulling out of him, I sat back on my heels as Jasper turned his head to look me.

"Why did you stop, babe?" he asked with a concerned look on his face. Smiling softly at him, I ran my fingers along his calves.

"Turn over, babe, I want to see you. I want to make love to you, not fuck you." Relief washed over his beautiful face as he rolled over onto his back.

Wrapping his legs around my waist, I slowly pushed back into him. Capturing his lips with mine, we both moaned at the feeling of me being deep within him. Thrusting slowly but deeply in and out of him, our eyes locked together. His deep midnight blue eyes were full of love and passion as he gently bit down on his lip, containing his moans of pleasure. Jasper's head tilted back into the pillow showing the full column of his neck. Leaning forward, I kissed it and moved across to his Adam's apple where I began sucking.

"Babe..." Jasper moaned out as I bit his shoulder gently. Lifting myself up, I picked up my pace slightly thrusting sharply into Jasper.

Jasper's body trembled as his hands gripped onto my biceps. A light shimmer of sweat covered his sun kissed muscular body. Our moans and groans filled the room that was thick with lust as I continued to thrust deeply into him, hitting his sweet spot repeatedly. Jasper's hand ran down his chest as his eyes closed in ecstasy. His hand gripped around his throbbing cock, stroking himself to match my thrust.

"Let go, babe. _I _want to make you cum," I moaned out adding a hard thrust.

"Fuck... Edward, right there." Feeling the tight spring in my stomach, my thrusts became almost frantic, ramming into him harder and faster. Jasper's back arched off the bed as he cried out. Warm streams of cum shot out covering his stomach and chest as his body trembled and his muscles contracted around me pushing me over the edge.

"Fuck!" With one final thrust I came hard. Breathing hard, I collapsed on top of him feeling Jasper's arms as they wrapped tightly around me.

I stayed locked in his loving embrace not wanting to leave his body just yet. Softly placing loving kisses on his neck, I sighed admitting defeat and that I needed to move. As I pulled out of him and away from his body, Jasper handed me a packet of wet wipes with which to clean up. Removing the condom and cleaning up, I threw the used wet wipes in the bin. Turning, I saw Jasper pulling up a pair a PJ bottoms. His cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of pink and his dirty blonde locks were all over the place from our lovemaking.

"I'll not be a minute." He smiled and disappeared out of the room. Picking up my discarded jeans and boxers, I pulled them up and sat on the edge of his bed.

Looking around his room, I noticed he now had a picture of Louise on his bedside table that wasn't there before. Smiling at the picture, I couldn't help but feel thankful that he had told me about her. I knew it had been hard for him to tell me; after all, he didn't know how I would react. It's not something you expect to hear from your partner. It makes you wonder just what else has taken place that you don't know about, but at the same time happy that you don't know.

I was happy he had let me meet her. She was adorable, and certainly a little female vision of Jasper. She had the same smile and dimples and the wonderful knack of completely captivating you. The idea of actually spending the evening with Jasper and Louise watching High School Musical didn't exactly fill me with joy when I was invited, but tonight hadn't been as bad as I thought. In fact, I had enjoyed it... not so much the DVD choice, but just spending time with them together.

The bedroom door pushed open and Jasper walked in holding two bottles of beer. "Sorry, I just checked on Louise to make sure she was alright and still asleep." He smiled and sat on the bed handing me a beer. "Little disappointed to see those jeans back on, but pleased that the tee is staying off."

"The tee is going back on, considering I need to go home." Jasper pouted slightly making me chuckle. "You have Louise here," I reminded him.

"Yeah, and she is fast asleep and will be all night. Stay babe, please? I'll set the alarm early so you can leave before Louise wakes up," Jasper said as he laid back on the bed running his hand up and down my back. "Besides, it's nice having you here."

"I like being here. I've enjoyed tonight, and not just the sex either." Jasper chuckled before taking a drink of his beer.

"Oh yeah, because watching High School Musical with me and Louise must have been _so_ entertaining." He rolled his eyes almost mocking me.

"No, I did. Okay as for the DVD, I never want to sit through it again but other than that I enjoyed it." Placing my beer down on the bedside table, I rolled onto my stomach and turned my head to look at him. "I meant what I said Jasper, this, us, I want it to work. If that means I have to realize and accept that there is someone else more important in your life than me, then fine, I'll do it."

"You're just as important to me as Lulu is." Laying on his back, he rested his hands behind his head. "Thank you for doing this, giving me a second chance, when I don't deserve it and for wanting to get to know Lulu. I don't deserve your love, I never have," he mumbled out.

Sitting back up, I picked up my bottle and held it in my hand as my wrist draped over my knee. Staring at the bedding, I thought about what he said. He was right. He didn't deserve the time of day from me, yet here I was telling him I loved him and that I wanted this to work... for us to work. I couldn't pretend that Louise didn't exist. I had to accept Jasper's past and everything that was a result of it, even if I didn't like it.

Picking at the label on my beer, I kept my eyes focused on it. "You don't deserve it, Jazz. You deserve fuck all of me, but here I am. Why am I here knowing full well that I should have just stayed away instead of letting you back in? Because despite everything, despite the letter you left, the heartache I went through and how I compared every guy I have been with to you, I love you." Snickering slightly, I took a long drink of my beer before focusing back on the bedspread.

"You know at home I have this box, about the size of a shoe box, and inside it is everything I kept from our time together. It has every ticket from the movies, every Christmas, Birthday and Valentine's card. I even have the wrapper from the first sweet you gave me. None of it could I bear to part with. I've kept it with me all these years because I never truly got over you." I sighed before adding, "I never stopped loving you."

Silence fell between us. I wanted Jasper to say something, anything that would stop this uneasy feeling from growing inside of me. Part of me though, didn't want him to speak, didn't want to hear anything that may make me feel even worse than I already was. He could, so easily, crush everything around me with just a few words. I had just opened up to him, to how I felt, and yet he said nothing.

I watched as Jasper let out a shaky breath and got off the bed. _Oh God,_ I thought to myself letting my eyes close as the door clicked shut. He didn't want to hear it, hear about how I felt, hear what memories I had kept. The walls I had placed around me should have stayed there. They came down too quick, allowing me to open myself up.

The door open a few seconds later as Jasper slipped through the door frame with his wallet in his hand. Looking at me he smiled shyly moving towards the bed where he sat down bringing his foot under his knee. Opening the wallet, he took a photo and handed it to me. Staring at the photo, I tried to remember when it could have been taken. My hair, still as crazy as ever and sticking out in all directions, was past my chin and layered. I was sitting on the ground with my back against a tree. My head was tilted towards the sun, and I was smiling with my eyes closed.

"It's been everywhere with me. I took it with me on tour. It was with me when I got shot and came home. It was even there when Lulu was born. It was the only thing I kept from our relationship because the rest were too painful to look at. But, this one was one of my favourite pictures of you. You were unaware that I was taking it." He smiled at the memory.

"Why?" my voice rasped out as Jasper slid his arms over my shoulder from behind.

"The very same reason you have that box. I needed to keep something of you with me, to remember you. Because I have loved you and will always love you." His lips brushed my neck softly causing me to shiver. "Though, I would like a more updated picture to carry around with me." Smiling, I rested my head against his shoulder while running my fingertips over his forearm.

"Promise me one thing, Jazz. Don't hide anything from me. Be honest with me and please don't just disappear again," I whispered. Jasper's arms tightened around me almost as though he was afraid that I would disappear.

"I'm not letting you go again, not now that I have you back. Just don't decide you suddenly regret this, okay?" Sighing, I rubbed his forearm.

"Looks like we both have our problems." Jasper chuckled slightly in my ear before his teeth nipped on my earlobe.

"Yeah, it looks that way. We'll get through it though, won't we?" Nodding my head, I turned and captured his lips with mine once in a soft treasured kiss. "Lose the jeans and climb into bed, babe," he whispered, letting his warm breath fan my face.

"So, time?" I asked crawling off the bed and removing my jeans.

"Um, would six be too early? I don't want Louise to wake up early and find you still here. She'll ask questions and then there is the chance of her telling Tanya..." he trailed off as his brow fused together.

"And she is likely to cause problems. I understand, Jazz. You need to keep her sweet because of Louise. How would Louise take it, if she found out about me and you?" Jasper smiled as I climbed into bed next to him.

"Fine, I think. I don't want to her to think it's wrong or anything. This isn't something I want to keep from her. I'll talk to her soon and see if..." I cut in before he could continue.

"If she tells Tanya, you know what will happen. Jazz, she is six. She might let it slip and then you won't see her. Don't risk that just yet. I don't care if things between me and you have to stay secretive around Lulu. I don't want you to lose her." Looking at Jasper, I could see he had the biggest grin across his face. His eyes were dancing at me which made me chuckle while I said, "What?"

"You called her, Lulu," he whispered as we snuggled into one another. "She loves you, you know? She didn't stop talking about you when we left. It was all Edward this, and Edward that." I chuckled as Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Maybe she has a crush on me," I said as I ran my fingers lightly up and down his back. Jasper chuckled softly, invading my world with his sublime chuckle.

"Nice. I have competition in the form of my six year old daughter." Jasper chuckled. "At least she likes you. I have been so worried that she wouldn't and then it would cause problems because I wanted you to get to know her and it would have meant that..." Stopping him from rambling I placed my fingers over his lips while I chuckled.

"Still the same, huh? You release your worries in the same rambled sentences as before." Removing my fingers from his lips, I lightly brushed my lips to his. "Relax, I love you," I whispered in his ear, while praying these words wouldn't come back to haunt me.

"Love you, too." Kissing his soft, red luscious lips he snuggled into me. His arm wrapped around me resting on the base of my back. His cheek rested against my beating heart, helping him sleep. I smiled, squeezing him tighter to me knowing it would only be a matter of seconds before he was out like a light.

Hearing Jasper's soft snores fill the room, I tried not to think about everything. I had been so much harder than this. Being soft and letting someone in wasn't part of the plan anymore. Every guy since Jasper had been kept at arms length, never letting them get too close to me. I was always shutting down and pushing them away once I felt their pressure on my walls. So what had happened with Jasper? Was I really just too fucking dumb and stupidly in love with him still that these walls of protection didn't matter anymore? I guess so.

Feeling him with his warm body pressed against mine and his breath fanning my chest, I felt complete. I was whole once more. That missing piece in my life was back. The tiny bit that had been removed from the puzzle of my heart was once again in its place. Nothing I had tried previously had worked to fix the hole. Nothing could be molded into its place to repair the damage he had caused. He was the only one who could fix it, and because of that, my walls crashed around me allowing him in.

I felt something soft and warm touch my face. I couldn't quite figure out what it was as I lied in a lazy state of sleep. Wet and warm comes next touching me gently almost hardly making contact. My eyelids flutter open slightly and I see the halo of golden curls hanging down over his beautiful face. His midnight blue eyes shine as he looks at me. The sweetest smile rests on his lips that I ache to touch, to feel all over my body. Unable to stop my hand, it reaches up and and lightly grasps his chin pulling him down to me.

Fire rips through my lips setting a blazing inferno under my skin. Love flows through me as his wet, talented tongue sweeps over my lips. With no hesitation, my lips part allowing his tongue to brush and mesh with mine. He moans sweetly into the kiss as my arms tighten around him pulling him closer. His hard cock pushes up against mine, and this time it's my turn to moan.

Jasper broke away from the kiss with a defeated sigh. Resting his forehead against mine, he closed his eyes. "It's already half past six, Lulu might wake up soon." The frustration in his face caused me to chuckle. This was almost like we were kids again, lying in bed with raging hormones but not being able to do anything for fear his or my parents might wake at any given moment. "What are you laughing at?" Jasper asked slightly confused.

"It's like being a kid again. Only this time it's not the parents we have to worry about, it's your daughter." Jasper chuckled slightly with disappointment in his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that, Jazz."

"If Lulu wasn't here, we would be fucking instead of talking. How can you honestly want this? You should be with someone who you can have at any given moment, not with someone who has to stop everything because of their child." He sighed, sitting up and resting his wrists on his knees.

"Jazz, I want you, and only you. Look." Pulling the covers down to reveal the ink that ran from my hip to my pelvis. "What do you think it means?" I asked him.

His fingertips slowly ran down the tattoo. They ran around the edges of the script scroll and then the wording in the center. The scroll had been faded out from the edges leaving a clear path for the elegant script writing to stand out giving it an almost old world look.

"It says 'Parce que c'est toi mon destin' in French. I got it when I was eighteen, two months after you left. It means 'Because you are my destiny'." Jasper studied the tattoo a little more.

"You got it because of me?" he asked, lifting his head to look at me. I nodded, thinking back to when I got it and how it helped the pain I was feeling, when I hated it and myself for being so stupid. "Why?'

"Because I believed you were my destiny, that you were the only one for me. I still believe it, though I have hated that tattoo over the years. My mum went nuts at me when I got it. She told me I was stupid for branding myself over you when you didn't give a shit about me. At the time I got it, I believed you would come back, that you wouldn't just go and leave me with only a note. I told myself over and over again that you loved me, that we were meant to be and you wouldn't just go... but you did. You left and you never returned and as time wore on, I hated myself for getting something that meant so much to me when I meant so little to you." Jasper wiped away a tear that ran down his cheek.

"I hate that I made you feel like that. You have always been everything to me," he whispered at the end. Pulling him to me, I wrapped my arms tightly around him trying to take his pain away.

"I didn't know back then how you felt, just like you didn't know how I felt. It doesn't matter anymore. I have you here in my arms." Kissing the top of his head, I reverently breathed in his scent. "Yours, what does it mean?"

"Have a good look. Inside the pattern is wording. It's very tiny and unless you know what you're looking for, you won't see it." Jasper rolled onto his stomach letting me look closely at his ink.

"'My heart holds two. My joy & happiness and my love & life.' Beautiful inscription. I take it one is Louise?" I asked as he rolled onto his side smiling.

"Yeah. My joy and happiness is her, but my love and life is you. Tanya never saw the lettering. The way it's written in between the pattern makes it hard to make out. She thought it was a pretty pattern on my back and nothing more. I guess we're both guilty of getting branded to the other." Lacing our fingers together, our lips gently brushed cherishing the feeling of each other.

"We are," I whispered resting my forehead against his. "I'd better get dressed and go. I'll see you during the week?" I asked sliding out of bed and pulling my jeans back on.

"Yeah. Lulu goes back home on Monday night so it will be nice to see you then, if you're free." Jasper climbed off the bed and wrapped his arms around me. "Please be free. I'll be a little upset when she leaves me." Resting my head on his shoulders, I relaxed into his loving embrace.

"Anything for you. Just let me know and I'll be here." Turning in his arms, I kissed his lips just once wishing I could stay with him but knowing it was impossible right now. "See me to the door?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss a chance to check your ass out, babe." He flashed a cheeky grin and a wink.

Holding his hand tightly in mine, we walked through his silent apartment toward his front door where I kissed him softly one last time before we murmured our goodbyes with words of love. Parting ways from Jasper, I told myself I would see him tomorrow as though it would make leaving now any easier. Hearing the door close as I walked along the corridor, I sighed wishing things were different between us. If Louise knew about us then it would make everything so much easier. There would be no having to leave early in the morning, and no stopping ourselves from being too close in front of her. If she knew, it would make a great deal of difference.

Arriving back home, the apartment was empty. I had dropped my dogs off at Emmett's last night having a feeling I wouldn't be coming back home. It was strange how two little animals change the feel of a home. Without them being there it almost made the apartment seem too big, like I was just rattling around in it.

Heading off to the bathroom, I showered and changed throwing on a clean pair of jeans and a hoodie before making coffee. The feeling of dread began to stir in me. I was not looking forward to seeing my parents today. So far, I had managed to avoid my mum at all costs, but today I had to face her. There was no more running away from her now. She knew what was happening. She knew Jasper was back in town and we were seeing each other again. She had found all this out from my not-so-helpful sister-in-law who seemed to be on a mission to tell my mum everything.

I knew she wasn't happy and I knew she would want to say her piece on the subject, but I didn't want to hear it. She wanted to voice the concerns she had, and I couldn't blame her for that. She had witnessed, first hand, how the break up of our relationship had affected me. She was just looking out for me, not wanting to see me get hurt again, maybe even not wanting to hurt herself in the process. My mum had adored Jasper, she loved him and treated him like he was her own. When he left not only did it hurt me, but it hurt her too. It made me wonder how they would both feel being in the same room with one another? I didn't want to keep Jasper away from my family. I wanted him to come to things with me, but I didn't want the cold atmosphere it could bring.

Sighing, I finished off my coffee and took the mug back into the kitchen. Picking up my keys and phone, I made my way out of my apartment and towards my car. I wished Jasper was with me, holding my hand and giving me encouragement. That thought alone was enough to make me laugh. I wasn't a child, yet I was worried about seeing my mum and her tearing me a new one. How come parents could strike the fear of God into you at any age?

Starting the engine, my phone beeped and vibrated in my pocket. Groaning, I pulled it out thinking it was going to be my mum checking that I was still coming today. A smile soon crossed my lips as I saw Jasper's name on the screen.

_"Lulu's just woken up, and the first thing she said was, 'Where's Edward'. Nice... J x" _

Chuckling, I replied. _'I hope you let me meet her again soon. I'm just on my way to my mum's. That's gonna be fun. E x' _Putting my phone in the coin tray, I set off towards my parents house. It wouldn't take me long to get there, and considering it was a Sunday morning and the roads were quiet, it would take me less time than normal.

Pulling up at red light, my phone went again. _'I don't think I get much choice in the matter. I take it your mum isn't too pleased with me being back? Sorry, babe. J x'_

_'Don't worry about it. Have fun with Lulu and I'll call you tonight, love you, E x' _I hit send just as the light changed again.

He knew already without me having to tell him. He knew my mum was pissed over us being together, but I didn't want him to feel guilty for it. She would get over it, once she gave me a tongue lashing. At least, I was hoping she would.

The drive there seemed to take even less time than normal, almost as though the world was trying to hurry it up. Why did it never work like that when you were in a rush to be somewhere? Cutting the engine off, I saw Emmett's car already parked. _Great, _I thought. No doubt Rose would have brought my mum right up to speed over everything. It was pointless me being here, she already knew everything thanks to Rose. Getting out of the car, my phone went again. The smile hit my lips before I even saw his name. _'I'll look forward to it, love you too. J x.' _

Smiling, I walked through the front door. My mum was already standing there waiting for me, her arms folded across her chest. She wasn't about to waste any time then. "Hey," I said, already beginning to feel like a child all over again.

"Edward, let's go into the den and talk. I don't want this hanging over our heads all day." She turned and headed toward the den. Sighing, I followed her wondering just why this was being made into such a big thing.

Closing the door behind me, I waited for her to get it off her chest. "Well," I urged, wanting to get this over with.

"Rose tells me Jasper is back in town, and you two are now seeing each other, again." I rolled my eyes and huffed. "Don't roll your eyes at me, Edward."

"Why? Rose seems to be filling you in on everything," I defended.

"Well at least Rose seems to be willing to talk to me about it. Edward, you can't be serious? Jasper? Again?" she demanded. "He broke your heart, left with just a letter, and yet you welcome him back with open arms?"

"I didn't welcome him back with open arms, and so what if I did? I can't help what I still feel for him, mum." Frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair. "I know what happened. I was there, it happened to me. Mum, I love him, that little fact hasn't changed in all these years."

"Love? And do you think he loves you? Jasper didn't love you the last time and he certainly doesn't love you now. Why can you not see that you will only end up getting hurt?" she challenged. Sighing, I leaned back against the door and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down.

"How do you know if he loves me or not? Last time I checked, you weren't Jasper." My voice raised slightly as my anger started to flare.

"Don't play smart. Answer me this, Edward, what has he really done since he returned to show you he loves you?" She had me there. Looking to the floor in defeat, I sighed. "Thought so. Edward, I want you to be happy, but I don't see the happiness with Jasper, I really don't."

"Well, it's not really your business, is it?" I grumbled.

"No, but you are my son. He broke you, left you in pain, shattered your heart. I saw my sweet, little boy suddenly close himself off from the world because he had his heart broken. I don't want to see that again." Her anger had subsided in her tone.

"Don't people deserve a second chance in life? Doesn't Jasper deserve a second chance?" I asked lifting my head up to look at her.

"I hope I am wrong, Edward. I hope that Jasper can make you and keep you happy, and if I am wrong, then I am wrong. I really hope for your sake, I am."

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_Okay, so I played with the end of this chapter for a while. Just to get it right, I'm sure you'll all tell me what you think....well I am hoping you will. _

_Hit the review button if you have a few minutes, thanks, Jen x  
_


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN/** Hi all, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Glad that your all still following it. I know, it is taking me ages to update my stories, and then I add more...well yeah, life's a little mad at the moment. And, on top of that, I fried my laptop and I'm on my new one to arrive...sharing laptops with the hubs sucks!_

_Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter...  
_

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_**JPOV**_

__"...And you think I don't know? Louise told me about your little stunt, and I won't let it happen again." My anger flared as we stood in the kitchen.

"You won't? And what are you going to do about it? Jasper, she is in my care. I will do with her as I see fit." Tanya wailed as visions of putting her on her ass filled my mind. This wasn't some fucking toy she was on about, this was our daughter.

"As you see fit? You put her in one of those boarding schools and I will pull her out. She isn't a toy! If Louise is too much of an inconvenience for you, then she can come here." I seethed.

Tanya laughed as though that was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

"Here? With you? And have her think that what you do is okay? That it's right? I will not have my daughter think that fucking the same sex is nothing to be ashamed of!"

"_OUR _daughter not just yours, Tanya."

"That's what you think." She muttered under her breath so low that I wasn't sure if I heard it.

"What did you just say?" I responded as disbelief and shock consumed me. Surely I had heard her wrong?

Tanya looked at the door to the living room where Louise was sitting. "Tanya?"

"She's not yours!"

My world just froze. Feeling as though my heart had been punched out of my chest, I stumbled back and held the worktop to keep me upright. Tears sprang into my eyes and my mouth hung open as I tried to breathe.

"Don't look so shocked, Jasper. Surely you had an idea?"

"Would I have married you if I thought she wasn't mine? How? When?" Nothing made sense to me. My little girl who I loved more than my own life, wasn't mine? That couldn't be right, could it?

"Simple. I was fucking someone else behind your back. So, Jasper, whatever I chose to do with _my _daughter is my choice. Say goodbye to Louise if you wish. You won't be seeing her again." She picked up her bag from the side and looked at me.

"She's mine, Tanya, I know she is." I choked out as the sobs threatened to spill at any given moment.

"No, she isn't. Sure you love her, but she isn't yours. You have no rights to her. This is your last chance to say goodbye to her Jasper. You can't fight me on this. You do and you will lose. The courts always side with the mother and you're not her biological father. So really, you'll be wasting your time."

Unable to process what I had just been told, I stumbled through to the living room to see Louise.

She was on the living room floor coloring in her book. The TV was on showing some really crappy kids TV program. Her dark blond locks hung just below her chin where Edward had cut it. She turned her head and looked at me smiling widely and making her cheeks dimple. She looked so much like me. How could she not be mine?

"Daddy, you're upset...Why?" Wiping my face, I got down on my knees and smiled at her before pulling her into a hug.

"I'm just going to miss you, that's all sugar." Burying my face in her hair, I breathed in her scent. Her hair still smelled of the bubble gum flavor of her shampoo. "Love you, Lulu." I whispered in her ear, feeling my heart break.

I was the first one to hold her when she was only seconds old. The first person she saw when she opened her eyes. How could she not be mine? She was my world. I would give anything to make her happy, to bring that smile to her face and that light into her eyes.

"I love you, daddy." I was fighting to hold back my tears as Louise pulled away and kissed the end of my nose. "When I come next, and can we see Edward again?"

"Yes, I'm sure he'll look forward to it." And now I was lying to her. _Would I even see her again?_

"Louise, it's time to go. You have school tomorrow and we have a long drive. Say goodbye to Jas- your dad." Tanya's lips curled up into a sickening smile. Louise wrapped her little arms around me and gave me a hug. Holding her close to me, I tried to remember and to embed every little thing about her into my mind.

"Be a good girl, okay? I'll see you soon." Tanya snorted at me. Giving Louise one last kiss, I whispered that I loved her. Tanya held her hand out to Louise and smiled at her. _Fucking bitch! _I didn't think it was humanly possible to hate someone as much as I hated her.

"Bye daddy, love you!" Louise called as Tanya opened the front door and dragged her out.

The door slammed shut and silence filled the room. My heart shattered as the walls suddenly felt as though they were closing in on me. The apartment seemed so empty, lifeless, dead even. Was Tanya just being a bitch and saying this or was it true? Had I spent the last six years thinking that she was mine when she wasn't? Time spent being proud of her, from her first step to her first word?

The pain that gripped me with the sudden knowledge that Louise wasn't, or might not be, mine ripped me apart. It didn't really matter if she wasn't. For the last six years of my life, I had loved her every single day. It wasn't blood that made you a father. A parent maybe, but not a father. Tanya was right, I couldn't fight her on this. If Louise wasn't mine, as she claimed, I had no legal rights to her. _How was I meant to overcome the thought that she wasn't mine?_

Refusing to break down and cry over my little girl, I grabbed my keys off the side and took off. I didn't have anywhere in mind when I got in the car. There was nothing in my mind other than my little girl. Somehow my body knew where to take me, where I would find just a tiny bit of comfort when my heart lay in ruins. I felt empty, hollow, like everything inside me had died in an instant. Right now, I couldn't care less if I wrapped my car around the nearest lamp post and burst into flames. Surely that pain would be less than the current one...it had to be. Death had to be easier then suddenly finding out everything you loved and cherished was never really yours.

Slamming my breaks on and parking as though I didn't know how to drive, I got out finding myself at Edward's shop. My chest tightened as the first few waves of tears threatened to come. Once they came, I doubted I could stop them. It would be like a tap with the handle stuck on open, just flooding out.

Walking past the shop window, I noticed the place was busy and I felt bad. He couldn't stop working and comfort me. I didn't deserve the time from him when he was busy. After everything I had done and put him through, I would have to wait until tonight to find some comfort from him. Turning, I headed back to my car. My heart was wishing that right now, I could just feel his love even if it was for just one second, to sooth my pain away.

"Jasper?" I stopped in my tracks hearing his voice. "Jasper, what's wrong?" His voice was closer now. Turning, I saw him just a few steps away from me and closing the distance. Before I could blink, he was there. His fingers already lacing themselves through mine and squeezing them reassuringly. "Louise?" He asked. Nodding, he pulled my hand and took me down the alley at the side of the shop and through a gate.

Leading me through the yard and an opened door, I realised we were in the back of the shop. Edward pushed me down on the sofa as he walked to the middle door leading to the shop. Grabbing the handle, he stuck his head around the door and said something. I couldn't tell you want he said, it just sounded like a mumbled noise to me. My mind was elsewhere and suddenly a vice like grip locked itself around my chest causing so much pain to rush through me. I was unable to contain it any longer.

The painful, heart breaking, gut wrenching sobs ripped out as Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me. Burying my face into the crook of his neck, I sobbed grasping him to me as fear consumed me. _What if I never saw her again? What if Edward suddenly decided to fuck me over and dump me? It would only be what I deserved. _Gripping his T-Shirt tightly in my hands, the big, fat, hot, salty tears fell from my eyes. Unable to stop them, or to even form a coherent sentence instead of the sobbing whimpers and grumbled up mess I was currently mumbling, I let Edward soothe me with light strokes of my hair.

His soft, caring, but concerned voice whispered in my ear, telling me it would be okay and I would see her soon. I wanted to laugh at him, and scream that I wouldn't see her again. To yell at him, and tell him what Tanya had told me. Instead, I whimpered.

"I'm sorry," I choked out while pushing my face further into his neck.

"You have nothing to say sorry for, babe." He murmured in a soothing tone to me, which only made me cry more.

"You're working. I should go." Slowly I began to pull myself way from his embrace, but Edward pulled me back keeping me close.

"Forget work. You are far more important. Tell me what happened, Jazz." Moving me slightly, he looked at my tear soaked face and brushed his thumbs under my eyes. "Jazz? This is something more than Louise going home with her mum, isn't it?"

Nodding, I looked into his concerned green eyes. He knew me so well. He could read me better than anyone else I knew. Looking at him, I wasn't sure if I could tell him without breaking down all over again. I felt so helpless, so hopeless. My world had just fallen apart. Everything I had known and loved for the last six years was suddenly being taken away. How am I meant to cope with this?

"Jasper?" Edward urged. Sniffling, I sucked in a few deep breaths trying to calm myself.

"Tanya dropped a bombshell on me. She told me Louise wasn't mine." My words came out in just a whisper as I looked at the floor. "She said...she had been sleeping with someone else. I just got strung along."

Saying it out loud to Edward made my heart break even more. My stomach twisted and turned bringing on a fresh wave of tears. Edward's arms suddenly engulfed me pulling me closer to his body so tightly it was almost like he was trying to keep me together.

"Jasper...Shhh." His hand rubbed up and down my back, soothing me, while I wept in his arms.

"What am I gonna do? She's my little girl, or so I thought." I mumbled into his neck.

"We'll figure something out. Come on, let's get you out of here." Slowly, his arms unwrapped themselves from around me. I wanted to grab him and pull him back to me keeping his embrace since it was making me feel safe, but I fought the urge. After all, if I did that I would only look like a fool.

"You're working." I croaked out. My voice was harsh and thick with emotion. Edward shook his head at me with a complete look of astonishment on his face.

"Do you really think that work is more important than you are?" He leaned forward and lifted my chin up giving me a soft, warm, loving kiss. "You're far more important. Give me a minute, okay?" Nodding, I watched him walk towards the middle door and out into the shop.

I caught sight of the queue that was waiting before the door closed behind him. Guilt hit me full force. He was working, the shop was busy, yet he was leaving it to be with me. Why? I certainly didn't deserve this treatment from him. He hardly knew Louise. Yeah, he liked her, and they got on well, but surely somewhere inside of him was happy this had happened. He wouldn't have to share me, have to pussy foot around and not come near me, because Louise couldn't know about us. If it was the other way around, would I be happy? I wasn't sure. I guess a part of me would be relieved that I didn't have to share. It was human nature after all.

Walking over to the sink in the back of the shop, I turned on the tap and splashed water on my face. It was some vague attempt to stop my tears, or to at least make me look like I hadn't just cried my eyes out. The door opened and closed quietly, yet I didn't look at Edward. Deep down, I was trying to work out if he was happy or not.

Inside I battled. Part of me, the largest part of me, was telling me that Edward wasn't like that. That he loved me, cared about how I felt and that he liked Louise and would be upset to hear this news. But another part of me, the side of me that told me I didn't deserve a second with him, was laughing. Telling me that Edward didn't give a flying fuck about what Tanya had said, and that he was secretly thrilled by it.

"Babe, let's get you out of here." He whispered gently in my ear as his arms wrapped around my waist.

"Ed, are you..." I stopped myself before the words left my mouth. This was stupid. I knew better then this. I knew him better then this.

"Jasper, no. I know what you're thinking." Turning in his arms, I pulled back slightly and looked at him. The hurt was there in his eyes relaying everything to me. Guilt crushed me for thinking those thoughts, for doubting him.

"I'm sorry." My apology was a mumbled whisper causing my voice to shake. "I...just...you know?" My eyes filled with tears again but I blinked them back not wanting to cry all over again.

Edward didn't say anything. I don't think he knew just what he should say. Even I was unsure of what I would say if the the roles where reversed. Taking my hand, he led me back through the door and into the courtyard before walking down the alley and onto the main street.

It felt like everywhere I looked, I could see children. The street was full of little girls Louise's age holding their father's hands as they walked down the street. The sight of it, of seeing them laugh and smile, ripped a huge tear inside of me. I felt my chest tighten up as the tears stung my eyes. All I wanted to do was find my little girl, hold her close to me, and not let her go.

The anger was slowly starting to build up inside of me. Thoughts of tracking Tanya down and beating the living daylights out of her consumed my mind. I hated her before today, and I fucking loathed her now. How sick and twisted was she? To lie like this? Even if Louise was mine and this was some sick game by that vicious bitch, what gave her the right to pull this sort of stunt?

"Jasper? Keys, babe?" Blinking, I realised we were standing next to my car. Taking the keys out my pocket, I hit the remote control unlocking the doors.

"I'll drive." I croaked out. Edward shook his head at me snatching the keys out of my hand.

"Not a chance. Jasper, you're in no fit state to drive. Do you even realise the whimpering noises you have made? Or the tears? Get in, babe." Wiping my face, I realised he was right. My face was wet with tears that still continued to fall. It seemed I had no control over them whatsoever.

"Fine." I squeezed his hand that was in mine. "Thank you." Leaning forward, I pressed my lips gently to his. Pulling back, I smiled weakly feeling my bottom lip tremble slightly.

Edward jogged around the side the of car and climbed in. I followed shortly needing to take a few deep breaths before I got in. The engine was already running as I strapped myself in, and I noticed one of Louise's pink bobbles on the dashboard. Seeing it was like having a knife being stabbed through my heart. Wrapping my arms around my myself, I closed my eyes and sucked in a few deep breaths willing myself not to cry.

"Yours or mine?" The question seemed so hard to answer. I was so torn.

Part of me wanted to go home, to be close to where Louise was last, but the other part of me didn't. If I saw something of hers that she left, or passed her bedroom door, that knife in my heart would return.

"Yours...please...I don't think I could handle being at home." Edward smiled slightly at me before pulling off.

Resting my head against the window, I closed my eyes. Everything just seemed to end and burn down to the ground. Even Edward, who right now I was thankful to have next to me loving me and comforting me, couldn't fill the hole that was taking over my body. It was like a black hole, just sucking the life out of me. _What had I ever done to lose her?_ The question kept swimming around my head over and over again. Losing Edward all those years ago hurt, but this? This pain was so, so much worse then anything I had ever felt before.

The pain came in tremors and it hit me over and over again. It was clamping tightly around my chest making it hard for me to breathe before subsiding for a few moments and coming back again. My arms were wrapped tightly around my chest holding myself together, or at least trying to. My warm tears were slowly running down my face, yet I couldn't stop them from falling. Every memory I had, every single cuddle or words we had ever shared, flashed behind my eye lids. The memories were painful. I didn't want to think about them, yet I couldn't stop them from coming.

Edward hadn't said a word to me the whole time we were in the car. Occasionally his hand would land on my thigh giving me a gentle squeeze. It was his way of letting me know he was there. I was thankful for his touches and thankful that he hadn't tried to speak to me. I honestly didn't think I could form anything coherent right now, or if I even felt like talking.

"Jasper." Opening my eyes, I realised we had stopped. Edward's concerned face was just a few inches away from mine. His green eyes, so rich with his emotions, starred into mine. "Babe, we're here." Nodding my head, I opened the door feeling the sudden drop in temperature.

Dark, black, rain filled clouds covered the sky fitting my mood perfectly. My sun, my light, had vanished leaving just the darkness to consume me. The tears continued to fall from my eyes rolling slowly down my face as the rain started to fall. Taking Edward's hand in mine, the rain hit my face masking my tears though it didn't matter. Edward knew I was crying and I had nothing to hide.

I sniffled and whimpered all the way to Edward's apartment door. His hand stayed firmly in mine rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. Edward opened the front door and was immediately attacked by two very happy, overly grown, Staffordshire Bulls. Edward reluctantly let go of my hand to fuss with his babies. My heart hurt seeing the sight in front of me knowing Louise would have loved to meet them.

"Sort them out. I'll be in your room," I mumbled out.

Walking down the hall towards his room, I sniffled and whimpered wanting my pain to end. Stepping into his room, I toed my boots off and flung myself face first on his bed. The scent of him on his pillow hit my nose and I couldn't help but take in a long, deep breath before I broke down again. Through everything I had ever done, the way I had treated Edward and the pain that had caused me, I had never cried this hard.

The bed dipped slightly before two strong arms pulled me to his chest. Burying my face in his chest, I wrapped my arms around his waist while I cried. Edward's arms stayed tightly wrapped around me keeping me in place while I went to pieces in his arms. His lips kissed the top of my head every now and then while his fingers trailed up and down my back every few minutes.

My head began to hurt both from all the thoughts that were running through it and the tears I was shedding. This felt like some bad dream, a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. How did I go from being happy and contented this morning to feeling as though my heart had just been ripped out?

I never questioned it, not once. When I found out about Tanya being pregnant there wasn't a minute I questioned whether or not I was the father. I just assumed I was. Why would I question it? We were in a relationship. I trusted her so the thought of her sleeping around behind my back was never there. I thought of all the demands that were thrown at me by her family, like how I had to marry her, had to do the decent thing and not bring a child into this world outside of wedlock. Their daughter couldn't be allowed to look like some slut, pregnant and unmarried. To them, it wasn't allowed. Maybe they knew more about Tanya than I did. Why else would they have demanded that I marry her?

My sobs and whimpers slowly subsided, letting silence fill the room. Edward's arms stayed around me while we laid there unmoving, listening to the rain outside hit the windows. Lifting my head off his now wet tee, I wiped my face and looked at Edward smiling gently at me.

"What do I do now?" I croaked out. Edward's thumb ran under my eyes, wiping away the last of my tears.

"Jasper, I find it hard to believe that Louise isn't yours. She looks too much like you for her not to be." Pulling myself completely out of his arms, I sat up on the bed and rested my wrists on my knees.

"Does she? Or is that something I just think, and you're just saying it to make me feel better?" I sucked in a deep breath, turning my head to see Edward looking at me.

"Jasper, I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. There are tests you can have to prove one way or another. Then, get in touch with a lawyer if Louise is yours. Tanya can't stop you from seeing her if you have proof." Groaning in frustration, I laid on my back and covered my eyes with my forearm. "Jazz," Edward sighed. I felt him slide down the bed and pull my arm away from my face. Wiping my tears away, he kissed the tip of my nose. "We'll sort this out, babe."

"How? Tanya won't let me anywhere near her. Do you really think Tanya is about to let me have this test done? She will see me in hell first."

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_So does anyone hate me for this chapter?_

_If not, then go hit the review button and drop some love. _

_Oh in case anyone is interested, I signed up to the fandom gives back thing - What an out take of one of my fics? Or maybe something completely completely new? If you do, then you know where to go. _

_Jen x  
_


	11. OuttakeJPOV

_**AN/** Hi all. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I am currently working on the next chapter and hopefully should have it done within the next week. _

_A big thank you to my girls, dtav, for being the best preread a girl could have and Ealasaid77 for working her fantastic magic when gramma isn't my friend :) Love you girls. _

_This outtake is for SarahAH30, who just so happens to have a birthday today, :) A few weeks back, I asked her what she would like me to write for her bday. She asked for something simple and something I am sure most of you have wondered yourselfs. The night Jasper left Edward. _

_So a big Happy Birthday to SarahAH30._

_Enjoy!  
_

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**JPOV **

My stomach twisted and turned with turmoil. This would be our last night together, and he didn't even know it. I had tried, believe me. I had tried so hard to tell him, to let him know where I was going and that we couldn't continue this, but I couldn't do it. Every time I went to tell him, my selfish side kicked in and I was done for.

If I told him, I knew what he would say and I knew what he would try and do. He would tell me they didn't need to know, that he could be my secret, my dirty little secret. That was something I really didn't want. We hadn't hid our love in high school, we hadn't hid it from our friends or family, I certainly wasn't about to hide it from the Army either.

The other option I had come up with, aside from telling him, would be if he would want to stay in touch, remain friends and see where everything lies when I came out. Again, I didn't want that. There was no way I could handle hearing him tell me about some guy he had met. So the only thing I could do was leave and try and forget about him, about us, about everything.

Not the bravest thing in the world, I know, but I didn't know what else to do. The career I wanted vs. the man I wanted, it was a hard decision to make.

Hearing the front door open and his footsteps walking through the hallway, I pushed my morbid thoughts away and smiled at the most beautiful man in the world as he came into view.

"Hey, babe, no parents?" Edward asked as he rested his elbows on the breakfast bar.

"Nope, I'm home alone until about eleven tonight." Edward grinned at me. A mischievous glint was flickering in his eyes as he moved around the breakfast bar towards me. "I like the sound of that," he murmured before his lips found mine.

Feeling his wet, warm tongue part my lips, I couldn't help but moan. His tongue moved slowly against mine. My hands weaved through his hair, pulling him closer to me. My hips rocked against his, feeling him begin to harden against me. Right now I was thankful that my parents had agreed to let me have this one night with Edward. Well, these few hours alone together before I left.

"Jasper," Edward panted breathlessly as my lips trailed down his neck.

Turning us around, I pushed Edward against the breakfast bar making him sit on the stool. Biting and nipping at his neck, I wasn't gentle. I wanted to leave marks, to leave my claim on him, so he wouldn't forget me and so he knew I loved him. And I did, more than anything in the world. Yeah, we were young, kids still really, but I knew how I felt. I knew who I wanted, and Edward was it.

My hands played with the hem of his T-Shirt, letting my fingers touch his skin every now and then, teasing him relentlessly.

"Stop... teasing me," he moaned out as I nipped at his Adam's apple. "You enjoy teasing me, don't you?"

Chuckling, I murmured against his neck, "More than you know, babe." He groaned out loudly, throwing his head back and exposing the full length of his neck to me.

Taking full advantage of this, I continued my attack. Nipping, biting, sucking, kissing every inch of his neck. My hands ran underneath his Tee and up his back. Trailing kisses across his jaw, I dragged my nails hard down his back causing him to arch his back. My lips crashed hard against his forcing my tongue into his mouth. I wanted him to feel me, to feel how much I loved him, how crazy I was for him and how sorry I was.

Grabbing the hem of his Tee, I pulled it up and off his head. Stopping for a minute, I looked at him. God, he was gorgeous. His pale skin covered his muscles. His stomach was so tight and toned. My hands ran up his hard, muscular thighs and to the waistband of his jeans. Edward's stomach was heaving as he panted in anticipation of what was to come.

Looking up at his face, I saw his cheeks were already flushed, and his green eyes dark with lust. Winking at him, I stepped in between his legs and began trailing kisses down his chest. Working my way towards his right nipple, I lavished it with my mouth. Sucking it into my mouth first, my tongue flicked against it before biting down on it hard. Edward's hands darted into my hair as he moaned out.

His back arched closer to me, and my hands went around the hard planes of his back pulling him closer to me. His skin, so smooth and silky, was damp with sweat. The feeling of his skin underneath my fingertips turned me on even more.

_How can I leave you?_

My heart contracted at the thought that this was our last time together. I prayed to every God known to man to keep him safe, to let him find love again and for him to get over me.

_Please hate me. It will be better this way. _

My lips trailed across his chest to his other nipple, where I repeated the same actions, sucking, licking and biting. Edward's pants and moans continued to fill the kitchen, along with his pleas. I knew what he wanted, I wanted it to, but I had to drag this out. He had to feel my love for him and not just us fucking.

Hooking my hands underneath his ass, I lifted him up and placed him on the breakfast bar. My lips met his, as I began to undo the belt on his jeans. Edward chuckled against my lips as my fingers grazed past his ticklish spot on his right side. His hands wrapped around my neck, as our lips and tongues moved slowly against one another's. Popping the button and slowly pulling down the zip of his pants, Edward pulled back from my lips and moaned.

"Hands on the breakfast bar, babe, and lift up." Doing as I said, he lifted himself up allowing me to pull down the offending item of clothing that was covering what I wanted.

"You're gonna fuck me on your parent's breakfast bar?" Edward asked as his jeans and trainers hit the floor.

"No, I gonna suck you on it." Pushing his shoulder's back, I encouraged him to lie back on the bar giving me better access to him.

My eyes ran down his body seeing the slight flush to his pale skin on his chest. His chest was heaving as he started breathing hard. My fingers lightly touched his stomach, running down his abs. To my delight, I saw his skin break out in goosebumps as a shiver runs through him. _I love you so much._

Wasting no more time, my mouth descended on his stomach, kissing the lines and dips of his abs that he had worked hard to achieve. My tongue trailed to his belly button, where it dipped inside before following the short bronze hair that led to my prize.

My mouth ghosted over his hard cock. Edward moaned and bucked his hips trying to seek more friction.

"Jazz... please," he pleaded with me. My mouth and nose continued to ghost over his cock teasing him, tormenting him.

I breathed in his musky scent that was just pure Edward. His scent went straight to my cock, making it throb painfully hard in my jeans.

His droplets of pre-cum gathered at the head and dripped onto his stomach. My tongue ran across his stomach sweeping up the droplets and lightly touching his head. Edward groaned out and bucked his hips hoping for me to take the hint and take him in my mouth. Not wanting to give in to him just yet, I ran my hands down his thighs to his knees.

Starting from his right knee, I kissed, licked and sucked my way up his strong thigh until I reached his hip bone. Sinking my teeth into his hip almost painfully hard, Edward cried out. I knew I was marking him, I had no right to mark him and claim him the way I was. Come the morning I wouldn't be around, but I couldn't help myself.

Going to his left knee, I continued the same path, kissing, licking and sucking on his skin. My hand ghosted over his cock touching him ever so slightly. Edward's breathing was hard and coming out in pants. His body twitched and contracted with the touches I was giving him. I knew he was getting close to his release, and that when I finally took him in my mouth he would be over the edge in minutes. This made me smile, the thought that I knew his body so well, knew every sensitive spot he had and I knew just where to pay attention to have him on his knees begging me for release.

_Someone else will find them, make him feel the way I can. _That thought stabbed me through my chest. The thought of another man loving him, making him writhe and cry in ecstasy, caused a burning of jealously to rip through my soul.

Gripping his hips with my hands, I finally caved. Slowly my tongue licked his balls. My tongue pressed against them before I took one in my mouth and sucked on it gently. Edward's cries of pleasure filled the room as I slowly licked my way from base to tip. My tongue swirled around his swollen, sensitive head, collecting the droplets of his nectar. Humming against his head, my tongue danced and played around his slit, teasing him even more, pushing him closer to his release.

Tonight was all about him. These last few hours we had together, I wanted to make sure he got off more than once, and every time was more powerful than the last. This was my parting gift to the man I loved.

Finally, I sucked his head into my mouth causing him to cry out. Slowly, my lips travelled down his shaft taking every wonderful inch of him. His head hit the back of my throat before I slowly withdrew. Carefully, I grazed my teeth along his hardened steel until I reached his head. Sucking across the tip, I released him with a pop before taking him back in my mouth. My tongue pushed against and wrapped around the underside of his cock as I took him all way in. The feel of him twitching and throbbing against my tongue made me moan around him. Edward's hips bucked, causing him to hit the back of my throat and slip down. Swallowing around him, I hummed and the vibrations around his cock made Edward cry out a long line of incoherent thoughts. Bringing my head back up, I began to bob up and down on him changing my pace between fast and slow. Edward's hips began to thrust upwards as he neared his release. Bringing my hand to his balls, I felt them begin to tighten. A little tug on his balls and his cock pulsated in my mouth.

"Jasper! Fuck!" he cried out at the top his lungs as he came hard in my mouth. Greedily, I drank everything he gave wanting to savour his taste forevermore.

Giving him one last lick, I released him from my mouth and stood up. Looking down at Edward, my heart filled with love. His cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of pink along with the top of his chest. Edward, post orgasm, was one my favourite things to see.

"Jesus, Jazz. I am never going to be able to look at this breakfast bar again." I smiled despite the pain I was feeling at his words.

Edward sat back up and smiled. Wrapping his arms around me, our lips met gently. Edward's tongue plunged into my mouth caressing his tongue with mine. He moaned, tasting himself on my tongue as he began to tug at my shirt.

"Come upstairs," I murmured against his lips. Pulling back, Edward jumped off the breakfast bar and grabbed his jeans. Going to pull them back on, I stopped him. "No need, they'll be coming off again once upstairs." With a wink, I took his hand and led him through the house.

Taking him through the living room, I hoped that he wouldn't notice the items that were missing. I had been pretty sneaky and made sure I had hid any traces of us leaving. The last thing I wanted to do was explain everything. It was bad enough that I was going without him knowing, having to explain everything and see the hurt in his eyes would just kill me.

Reaching my bedroom door, I pulled a naked Edward inside and pushed him down on my bed. Pulling my Tee off over my head, I slowly crawled up his body lavishing him with my love. Every inch of his skin I crossed I kissed until I reached his neck. Running my tongue up his neck to his jaw, I nibbled my way from ear to ear feeling the slight tickle of stubble.

"What's got into you?" Edward moaned out as I nibbled on his earlobe.

"Nothing, I just want to love you, that's all." Looking at him, his green eyes sparkled with love. It took everything I had not to break down and confess to it all.

Running my fingers down the side of his face, I slowly leaned forward and brushed my lips to his, just once. "I love you so much, Edward." My voice broke slightly, betraying me as my emotions took hold.

Edward smiled and covered my hand with his. "I love you, too. Are you okay, babe?" Sucking in a deep breath to calm myself, I nodded.

"Why wouldn't I be okay? I have you naked on my bed," I cheekily replied before crashing my lips to his.

My hands ran down his sides as our kiss became more heated. Lips, teeth and tongues nipped at one another's hard; no doubt our lips will be swollen tomorrow morning from our activities.

Sliding my hand in between our bodies, it ghosted his cock which was being to harden again. Wrapping my hand around it, I slowly began to stroke him making him moan into our kiss. Parting my lips from his, I sat up and moved toward my bedside table. Opening the drawer, I pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. Positioning myself in between his legs, I leaned forward and kissed his now hard cock.

Edward moaned and went to sit up, but I pushed him back down on the bed. Confusion crossed his beautiful face as he wondered why I was stopping him from doing anything for me.

"This is just about you, my love." Clicking open the bottle of lube, I nudged his legs further part.

Coating my fingers with lube, I slowly ran them towards his tight hole of heat. Nestling myself closer to him, I slowly began to kiss up his hardened shaft as my fingers teased around his hole. Edward moaned, taking in shaky breaths as his hips began to push down. He was hoping the move would get me to fuck him with my fingers. Working my way up his cock, I kissed around the underside of his head and flicked my tongue against the ridge.

Carefully, I pushed my finger against his hole, but not hard enough to break through his ring of muscles. Edward cried out as I continued to push against his hole, teasing him and torturing him a little more. Trailing my lips down his cock, I kissed it lovingly until I reached his balls. Sucking them into my mouth, my tongue pushed and rolled them around as I finally pushed a finger into his tight hole.

"Jesus! Jazz, please stop teasing me!" he cried out in pleasure as my slow attack continued.

Releasing his balls from my mouth, I licked my way back up his shaft and sucked his head into my mouth. Slowly taking him all the down my throat and back up again, I began to thrust my finger in and out of his hole feeling him beginning to relax. Pulling my finger nearly all the way out and pushing it back in, I brought my lips back up to the head of his cock.

My actions continued painfully slow. Edward was writhing and squirming underneath me. His hips were frantically trying to push down on me and get me to quicken my pace, but I didn't want this. I wanted him to come to the edge slowly before I increased my pace. I wanted him to feel my love for him as I worshiped every inch of him.

"Feels... so good," Edward panted breathlessly as I added another finger into his tight hole.

Thrusting my fingers slowly in and out of him, I bobbed my head up and down on his cock a little quicker earning a loud cry of pleasure. Hallowing my cheeks, I created a tight seal around him as his body responded to my touch. Edward bucked his hips frantically as my fingers swept across his sweet spot.

Pushing a third finger into him, Edward's body tightened up around me. Stilling my fingers, I deep throated him quick and hard encouraging his body to relax. Soon enough, Edward began to push his hips down against my fingers as my movements around his cock began to slow down.

Curling my fingers slightly, I began to thrust them in and out of his heavenly hole. Hitting his sweet spot, I started to massage it hearing him cry my name out. Releasing him from my mouth, my fingers continued to fuck him hard and fast each stroke hitting his sweet spot and pushing him closer to the edge.

"Jasper... Please, just fuck me!" he cried out as I smiled at him. A light sheen of sweat covered his face and chest. Once again his face was flushed with excitement as my fingers continued to fuck him relentlessly. "I'm so close, Jazz, please."

"Not yet. Cum for me, babe. Scream my name as my fingers fuck your ass." Edward groaned out, his fingers fisting the bedding. "Cum for me, let me taste you again. I want you to cum in my mouth, babe, before I fuck you." Taking him back in my mouth, my efforts doubled.

Bobbing my head up and down, hard and fast, while my fingers fucked his ass hitting his sweet spot with every thrust. Edward's thighs began to tremble. Knowing he was so close to his release, I grazed my teeth up and down his cock pushing him over the edge.

Gripping the sheets and arching his back off the bed, Edward cried my name out as he came. His body trembled and shook as his orgasm washed over him. Streams of his sweet nectar shot down my throat once more as he rode out his orgasm. Slowly bobbing my head up and down his now softening cock, I pulled my fingers out of him and released him from my mouth.

Climbing off the bed, I quickly undid my jeans and kicked them off. The cool air hit my aching cock made me hiss in pleasure. Looking down at Edward, I saw his hooded, love filled eyes looking at me hungrily.

"Ready to be fucked, babe?" Edward groaned and nodded his head at me.

Climbing back on the bed, I nestled myself back in between his legs and tore the condom wrapper open with my teeth. Rolling it down my aching cock, Edward sat up slightly to look at me. Popping the lid on the lube, I poured it on my cock making him moan. Stroking myself a few times, I moaned out knowing I wouldn't last long this time.

Picking his legs up, I wrapped his thighs around my waist as I positioned myself against him. Pushing forward slightly, I broke past his tight muscle. Feeling his tight heat slowly engulfing me as I pushed in, almost made me cum there and then.

"You're so fucking tight, babe," I moaned as I became fully seated inside of him. "I love you." Leaning forward, I captured his lips with mine before he saw the tears forming in my eyes.

Slowly I began to move, thrusting gently into him, long, slow, measured thrusts into the man I loved. I poured my feelings into him, what he meant to me, how much I needed him and how he held my heart. He would never forgive me for this, never.

Edward began to meet my slow thrusts as we kissed. Our kiss was passion and loved filled. No urgency, no dominating presence in the kiss, just our love. The kiss was slow, much like my thrusts into him. I didn't want to rush this. Time was not on my side anymore, and I wanted to have the chance afterwards to hold him in my arms before he went home.

Our moans filled the room as my thrusts picked up their pace. Edward's cock, now rock hard again, was trapped between our sweating bodies rubbing against both our stomachs as we moved. The tightening in my stomach slowly started to build and, even though I didn't want this moment to end, I knew I couldn't hold it off much longer.

His tight heat, wrapped so deliciously around me as I thrust in and out of him, was heaven. Lifting myself onto my hands giving me more control, I slammed into him harder. Edward cried out as I hit his sweet spot again. My thrusts started to become more erratic and less controlled as Edward began to moan, lost in his own pleasure.

His lust filled, hooded eyes were locked onto mine. His fingers gripped at my forearms as my thrusts became harder and harder. Edward tightened his grip around my waist and lifted his hips off the bed. The new angle allowed me to go deeper into him making sure I hit his sweet spot with every thrust.

"Touch yourself, babe," I moaned out, wanting him to find his release once more.

With no hesitation, Edward wrapped his hand around his cock stroking it in time with my fast, hard thrusts. Seeing him stroke himself in time with my thrusts, with his head pushed back against the pillow, with his eyes shut completely lost in pleasure, almost became too much for me.

_You're never going to see him like this again._

Closing my eyes, I tried to push the thoughts away that continuously ripped at my heart.

Edward suddenly cried out loudly shooting his cum all over his hand and stomach. His muscles clamped down around me as my thrusts became frantic, throwing me over the edge. Throwing my head back, I screamed his name out at the top of my lungs. The blissful, pure, magnificent waves of my euphoric high continued to crash through me. Collapsing on top of him, I felt his arms wrap tightly around me.

"Wow, Jazz. I'm not complaining, but where did this just come from?" He knows, he's not stupid. He knows something is off with me.

Lifting my head up off his chest, I kiss his lips softly before saying, "I just wanted to love you, that's all, babe. Wanted to blow your mind." I smirked.

"You sure did that." He smiles, seemingly happy with his answer.

Pulling out of him, I dash off to the bathroom to clean up and dispose of the condom. Walking back into the room with a warm washcloth, I go to clean him, but he takes it off me.

"Get me a drink, babe, please?" he asked with a lazily smile.

"Sure, anything for you." Pulling up a pair of sweatpants, I open my bedroom door and dash down the stairs.

Checking the clock in the kitchen, I realise I have just over an hour until my parents will be home. It's not like he will have to leave once they get here, but I know they still have things to pack just like me, and Edward can't be here for that.

Grabbing a can of Coke out the fridge, I race back upstairs to see Edward dozing on my bed. His boxers were back on and sitting low on his hips. I could see the marks I had given him throughout our time together. Part of me was happy to see the marks, to know he wouldn't forget me so soon, but then the other part of me hated seeing them.

"Jazz?" Edward asked, his voice all sleepy. He looked at me questioningly and I knew I had been caught staring at him. "You okay?" The doubt in his voice had returned once more. How much longer could I go until I cracked up and told him?

Smiling, I hand him his Coke and slide onto my bed next to him. "I was just looking at your marks. Your mum will kill me if she see's them," I joked as he popped the can open and took a long drink.

"Luckily, she won't." He handed me the can and rested his head on my chest. "Things are gonna be a little crazy, aren't they?"

"Yeah, but we'll be okay. Nothing will change between us. It's all part of growing up." My arms wrapped around him as I reassured him with false promises. He sighed and kissed my chest.

"Love you," he mumbled against my chest. I squeezed him tighter to me and kissed the top of his head.

"Love you too, babe."

Within minutes Edward's soft snores fill my room. The urge to sleep nips at my edges, but I know I can't. I need to remember him being in my arms, peacefully asleep and feeling loved. Fighting the need for sleep, I lightly trailed my fingertips up and down his back hearing him sigh.

So badly I wish it wasn't like this, that we could be together, but the risk was too great. This was something I wanted, a career I wanted to do and having Edward in my life wouldn't fit. Being with a man in the army would only cause trouble, and I didn't fancy having my ass handed to me because I liked men as well as women. If I went to war, I needed to know the guys I was with would have my back and not think the fag can fucking die.

What a truly fucked up world we live in. So much had changed yet, at the same time, so many things remained the same. Gays could be out and about and not be at the risk of getting their heads kicked in like before, yet gays could not join the army without trouble landing at their door. My decision to leave Edward was a hard one to make. I loved him, I didn't want to be without him, yet I couldn't stay in a relationship and not have my career. I was far too young to choose love over work.

The sun began to set and the light, dusky air layered my room. Hearing my parents car pull onto the drive, I slowly woke my sleeping beauty. Running my hands through his soft hair, I willed myself not to cry over knowing this was the last time I would have him like this.

"Edward? Babe? Wake up," I whispered in his ear. He groaned and snuggled into me even more. "Babe? Come on, my parents are back.

Edward slowly lifted his head up, and looked at me. His eyes were still half closed and he was looking at me slightly confused. I chuckled softly at him and touched his face. Smiling at me, he turned his face into my palm and placed a loving kiss there.

"I don't want to leave you. Wish I could sleep on you every night." My eyes closed with a smile on my lips, but the pain of his words hit hard.

"Me too, babe." Gently pulling him towards me, I kissed his lips just once before pulling back. "You'd better put your clothes back on." Edward chuckled at me, and nodded.

I watched him slowly slide off the bed, and pull his jeans and Tee back on. Rubbing his face before he stretched, he turned to look at me with a lazy smile on his lips. "I feel bad for falling asleep on you."

"I wore you out, babe. Come on." Holding my hand out to him, he lightly linked his fingers through mine. His skin on mine warmed me throughout, I didn't want to let go of his hand, I didn't want to let go of him at all.

Walking down the stairs, the pull on my heart returned knowing in a few moments time my heart would completely shatter over him and he had no idea. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, I saw my mum had moved his trainers placing them at the front door. This, I was thankful for, as I didn't think I could handle walking with Edward through the living room with my parents there. Feeling Edward tug my hand, I released the death grip I had placed on him and let him pull his trainers on.

_Keep it together, Jasper. A few more minutes, don't break now. _I chanted in my head.

"I'll see you tomorrow, babe." Nodding in response to him, he grabbed the door handle and opened the door. Turning, he placed a small loving kiss on my lips and stepped outside. This was our normal goodbye, a small kiss and that was it. But, I couldn't do it this time. Watching him walk down the driveway, I chased after him.

"Eddie, wait." Grabbing him by the arm, I spun him around to face me. Crushing my lips hard to his, I forced my tongue into his mouth.

My hands worked their way through his hair and down his back before resting on his ass. Squeezing it in my hands, I pulled his body even closer to mine. My love for him poured into the kiss. The kiss was demanding, dominate, full of my hopes and prayers for him. Not wanting to end the kiss when Edward pulled back, I trailed my lips across his jaw working my way from ear to ear before returning to his lips. As our lips moved perfectly together, I felt my eyes sting once again with tears. My heart was breaking over him. How could I let him go?

"Jazz... Jesus, we're outside your parent's house." He chuckled resting his hands on my hips. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes. I just love you, that's all. I don't want you to forget." _Shit! Please don't read into it,, Edward. _

Looking at me questioningly, he asked, "You don't want me to forget? How could I forget you love me?"

"You know what I mean," I played it off, thinking it was just fucking great that Edward had read into it. "I love you." I smiled at him.

"Love you too. I'll see you tomorrow, babe."

"Okay, bye." Pressing my lips to his one last time I unwillingly let him go.

Stupidly, I stood there and watched him walk down the rest of the drive towards his car. Turning to wave at me, he got in and drove off unknowing that he wouldn't see tomorrow, or the next day or any day after that. Slowly turning myself around, my tears began to fall as I walked inside the house. Closing the door behind me, I slid down it as my heart shattered into tiny little pieces.

Never again would I feel his lips against mine. Never again would I feel his body pressed against me. Never again would I watch him sleep after fucking all afternoon. All the things that made my world great were gone. His smile, his laugh, his touch, his love. None of these things would ever be mine again. How could I get over him? How did I even start to repair the tiny broken pieces of my heart? My afternoon alone with him just wasn't long enough. Then again, nothing would have been long enough to say goodbye to him.

A painful sob escaped my lips as I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my head. Was I doing the right thing? It wasn't too late. I could cancel and not join the army, I could stay here and be with him. I was eighteen, legal age, I didn't need my parent's permission anymore. But would I resent him if I stayed? What if I stayed and we didn't work out? Yeah, I knew I loved him more than anything else in the world, but would we last? We were kids, really, still with our whole lives ahead of us. Would what we had now be there in ten years time?

I wanted him so much that the thought of never seeing him again stabbed painfully through my chest. My love for him burned through my skin, through every fibre of my body until it reached my soul. As my love for him burned through me, my tears poured out of me. Inside I was dying. Everything was becoming empty and incomplete. How could I even get over this, become strong and pull myself together when my heart was broken this way?

_I love you so much, Edward. Please, please don't hate me._ This screamed around my head. It would tear me apart if he hated me yet, at the same time, I couldn't blame him if he did. His heart would be shattered when he realised that I was gone. His pain would be the same as mine, if not worse for how I left.

Slowly, I pulled myself up from my crumpled ball state and made my way upstairs. His scent attacked me the moment I stepped through the door bringing on a fresh wave of tears. My eyes, much to my protest, looked down at my bed where, not too long ago, I had him crying out my name in the throes of passion. Why did this have to be so hard? Why did having your heart broken and smashed into tiny pieces have to hurt so much? Would this pain ever end?

Opening my drawer, I pulled out my notebook. I needed to leave him something, to explain things in some way and hope it softened the blow. Though I knew it wouldn't, I had to try. Sitting down on the bed that only a few hours ago I was making love to Edward on, I opened the notebook up and stared aimless at the blank pages.

_Edward,_

_This is the hardest thing I have ever, ever had to write. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to tell_ _you, yet words fail me. _

_You have asked me so many times if I was okay, and every time I lied. What I told you was so far from the truth. The pain of lying to you, keeping this from you, has torn me apart. So badly I wanted to tell you, but the coward in me stopped me. _

_By the time you read this, I will be long gone. I want to say where I am going, but I don't know how to. How can I tell you where I am going when I can't even gather my thoughts to tell you what you mean to me?_

_You'll read this and you will hate me. God, I don't __want you to, yet I know you will, and that kills me. _

_Please, Edward, please don't ever think I didn't love you, because I did and do. You mean the world to me!_

_I wanted to spend the afternoon loving you, covering you with my love, making you feel what I felt for you. That's why I blew your mind all afternoon, why I held you close to me, and why I chased you down the drive unwilling to let you go. I don't want to let you go._

_Even now as I write this and try and put my feelings for you on paper, my heart breaks over letting you go. Why can't I just keep you? Why can't I have what I love? _

_You are everything good in my life, in my world. Your smile, your laugh, your touch and love, have brightened my world to such an extent that now my world_ _is turning black. I don't write this for you to feel sorry for me. After all, it's me that broke your heart. I just want you to see, to realise, that I do love you and you are so important to me. _

_Our relationship has been heaven for me. You're the only person I want near me when I feel like shit. You're the only one that really understands me and I think the only one who ever will._

_Please babe, please know that I will ALWAYS love you. No matter how long my life is, you will always hold my heart, ALWAYS. _

_From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I wish there could be another way, but there isn't. _

_Love you more than my own life and everything in it. _

_J XX  
_

Folding the letter up and sealing it, my tears hit the envelope. Placing it on the side, I packed the rest of my things to get ready for my leave. My eyes continued to look back at the envelope on the side. Why does this hurt so much? I'm eighteen for God's sake! I shouldn't be this heartbroken over a relationship!

Yet, I was. No matter how many times I told myself to get over it and man up, I just couldn't. Edward didn't deserve to be treated this way by me, he didn't deserve to have his heart ripped out and smashed into tiny little pieces. He deserved to be constantly loved by someone. He was too good to suffer this heartache. I should have never gotten involved with him, never started a relationship I wouldn't see through, yet I did. And at the time, I had no idea what I was going to do.

Over the weeks and months, I had spent time talking to my father about this trying to decide what to do, trying to find the right way. All he had told me throughout our many talks was to follow my dream, and if we are meant to be, fate will find a way to bring us back together.

_You can't change your fate, only ever delay it. _

He was right. I couldn't change it. If my fate lay with Edward, we would find each other one day. If not? Then... Well, I don't know. If I ever saw him again would he even talk to me? Would he scream and shout at me for what I had done? Would he even want to speak to me? More importantly, would he forgive me?

The night dragged on, and while I should be sleeping like the rest of the household, I was wide awake with tears slowly running down my cheeks and wetting my pillow. Tossing and turning, the dusky light of sunrise began to creep into my room. Looking at my watch, the time stared back at me, 4.12 AM. Deciding now was the time to post my letter, I threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and left with the letter. My parents said they'd drop me off to post it, but I didn't want that. I wanted to do this on my own and not with them around to watch my heartache.

The streets were empty as I slowly walked towards his house. The peace and solitude of it soothed my aching heart letting me breath for just a few moments. Edward lived all of a twenty minute walk away. By the time I got there, posted my letter and walked back, my parents would be awake and getting ready for our six o'clock leave. _Why didn't I just pick college? I could have stayed with Edward until we started. Fuck, I could have stayed with James_.

James, despite him finding the muddles of my love life funny as fuck, had been supportive of me. While he completely understood our father's great thought on life of 'follow your dream', he also wanted me to make sure that I was understanding that I was parting one dream for another. Fat lot of fucking help he turned out to be when his next line was 'come to college, get wasted and get laid!' James just wanted me to be happy, but secretly feared that if I disappeared to boot camp, mum would attack him even more.

Turning the corner, Edward's house came into view. The sight of it caused the pain in my chest to intensify. My love was just through those bricks fast asleep and thinking he would be seeing me in the morning. Walking up the path, I nervously played with the envelope in my hands. My tears continued to fall, the closer I got, until I was standing outside his front door.

Sucking in a few deep but shaky breaths, I rested my head against the solid door wishing for anything that I could hold or kiss him just one last time.

"I love you so much, Edward. Please forgive me," I whispered.

Placing the letter against my lips, I kissed it before pushing it through the letter box gently. My eyes screwed tightly shut as I tried in vain to keep the painful sob from escaping my lips. This was my final goodbye to my love, to the man who held my heart.

"I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

_Can we all still see the screen? LOL. _

_Well my lovelys, hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x  
_


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